learning how to deal...

To much time, to many emotions, how do you deal with it?

2008-03-10T12:55:00.003-10:00

Well today has been one of those days, you know where you feel every emotion possible! It started with a email from a woman that I knew in Hawaii, she was my husband's other woman's friend. She wanted to apologize to me for not telling me the truth when she had the chance. She told me how sorry she was for everything that had happened and for not saying anything. She told me how it was wrong that I was made out to be the villain in the situation and the "other woman" was the victim. Its kind of funny how that happens. I of course told her thanks and excepted her apology and then cried for an hour. See it just doesn't seem to go away. I keep hoping it will but there is always a reminder. So I cry then I get mad at him and then again at her. Because she keeps emailing me....Its great!
Then I try to get it out of my head and move on with my day. Only to find myself on the phone arguing with him one more time over it all. He does his normal--deny it. Seriously I have more than enough information to take to his command and get him in all kinds of trouble because as we all know they frown upon adultery. All I can say is that is a good quality for the marine corp if he would ever get caught he would not give up his information that is for sure! LOL I am seriously searching for something funny in all of this!
Then I talk to his mom and then his dad, because I live with his mom right now. She is great through all of this by the way. I know with time I will get over it but man right now, I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I honestly do not know how woman get past this and trust there husband or anyone again for that matter. I just do not see it.
My only peace of mind is that tomorrow I start a job. Its not the job I want but it is a job. I start tomorrow morning at 0500. Which is a late day for me, it will normally be at 0400. Yep it is freakin early. So my plans are to do this until I find something else. I had an interview on Friday for a job that I really really want. So please pray for me that I get it.

How cute is this?????

2008-03-07T06:57:00.007-10:00

Picture this: I am driving down the road, Nathan is in the front seat, Cale is in the back, I get a phone call and I start talking to a friend. Cale starts crying so I ask Nathan to jump in the back seat to calm him down, he does. Cale calms down and I stop talking to my friend, I tell Nathan thanks for the help and when I turn around this is what I find

Healing

2008-03-05T17:05:00.003-10:00

To all of those who have been wondering my boys and I are back on the mainland. Things did not turn out like I had planned. We are now busy trying to get settled in to Ray's mom's house and back into a normal routine.
Nathan is enrolled in school and is once again making new friends and having fun, he misses Hawaii and cries to go home alot but with each day I keep telling him it will be easier and we will make it through this.
Cale is getting so big, he is almost 6 months old and he is sitting up, has two teeth, and eats baby food and drinks juice from a cup he has done all of this in the last 3 weeks. I love my boys!
As for me I am hanging in there, I try not to stop because that is when I start thinking about things that I have no control over anymore so I try to stay as busy as possible until I crash hard at night time. LOL.. You all know what I mean too.
I am applying for jobs here and hopefully by next week I will be employed. I really need a job, but am in the progress of trying to get money from Ray.
Hope all is well with everyone talk to you soon

My boys!!!!

2007-12-19T20:46:00.001-10:00

My boys are sick... Nathan just came home from a camp and he is so sick. He has no voice, he has a temp and a sore throat. So if you are thinking that it is strep throat then you are right. Yeah! That is going around here too. We have had so many kids come into our clinic with the same kinds of symptoms.

Then there is Cale, he is also running a temp but his is a little different,he has a really bad croupy cough and when I took him to the doctor his X-Rays showed that he had pneumonia in a little pocket, it really did not look as bad as he sounded and then today his doctor called me and said that the culture for RSV came back positive. He sounds so bad, I am doing breathing treatments every 4 hours on him and it seems to be working he is breathing a little easier now at least. He is so miserable, and not to mention this is his first time being sick.
Needless to say I am not getting much sleep. The joys of being a single mommy again......

Words to live by

2007-12-13T22:23:00.001-10:00

2007-11-20T12:20:00.001-10:00

Well first I would like to say hello to my husband's friends that have been reading my blog and telling him what I have said.... So to you guys HELLLLLLLO!
I was told that I was telling lies by my husband but when asked he couldn't tell me which ones were lies and just because he tells me that I am only writing this because I want the "pity" I can only say no I do not want your pity I just want to get it off of my chest before I loose my freakin mind.... I kind of thought that was the purpose of an online diary....

I would also like to say that I hope he is reading this one too or at least the friend who is telling him this, and yes I know who you are so hello again, that again I will say that I am not without blame in this situation. I have said it before there are always two sides to every story this just happens to be mine. If Ray would stop lying then maybe you too would be able to hear his.
So please do not get me wrong, I guess like him I do not care about his feelings anymore.
It is truly a sad place to be but, it will pass too I am sure....

I will be around soon but for now I may not be able to get online as much. I am planning my trip back to the mainlands. I will keep you posted. Talk to you soon!

I hope you all have a good holiday...

Man I sound a little bitter don't I!

So many mixed emotions

2007-11-10T20:45:00.002-10:00

Have you ever felt like you were loosing your mind? i joke around about it alot but now I really feel like I am.
I would love to say things are better but they aren't. I think it just keeps getting worse. Imagine that can you.

First off there are always two sides to every story and I know that Ray is hurting too or he would not be doin what he is. I do understand that. This just happens to be my side...

I do want to say that I am not trying to put my husband down by any means, but the facts tell it all. He is a good man, and he loves his son in his own way. Sometimes we just make mad choices, but he keeps screwing up. I do not know what to think anymore.
I would like to tell you that I don't love him anymore but I do and I know I shouldn't but I do. He has given me every reason to leave and I stay. Why I do not know. I think I am secretly hoping that he will wake up and see what he has done, he can't honestly be happy with her. I think he's rebeling because of having a child of his own now, means he has to grow up and be a man. In reality I know that it will not happen but I am still hanging around.
Its been a very trying week for me. I started a new job, that I love and then I find out at lunch one day that he doesn't want to try, he wants it to be over and he wants a divorce. Can you imagine how I composed myself at work that day. I was a mess, I just asked the girls to please not talk to me or I was going to bawl like a baby as one single tear dripped down my face. I made it through the day until I got into my car and then I lost it. (As I am now) I did want I thought I would never do in my life and that was I called my dad crying, told him everything and said simply "dad I wanna come home!" With tears in his eyes he said then you come home shell we will help you any way we can. I promised myself that no matter how bad life got that I would not do that and I broke and did it. I have now been handed papers for an Early release of dependents and a divorce packet that he gave me, and I just can't bring myself to do anything with them.
I keep telling myself he will not hurt me anymore, and then I let him do it. Why it surprises me and stings so bad, I do not know, I should be more alert of the fact that it is coming. But it always hits me so hard. Funny how we let ourselves do that. I go a little while without talking to him and him not being at home during the night and I think you know it is not worth trying to save this, and then I see him and he starts talking to me and it is so strained to try and talk to him or he will be getting ready to go back out and do his thing with her and it starts to hurt all over again. I fight back the tears hopefully until he leaves then I brake down there are the times that we start talking like tonight and he keeps asking me why aren't you going out tonight I will take Cale with me to base? That hurts so much more than he knows mainly because all of the girls that I do know are married and get this they like to be around there husbands and he likes to be with her too. It just hurts to much to be around that, I am jealous of them and it just hurts to see someone else so happy. So I end up saying its ok, if you want to take Cale for a while you can but I am fine as I fight back tears.
In my head I am screaming get out and stay out. He has made up his mind he doesn't want me and I have to except that right.
I am trying to let him spend time with Cale before/if we leave so I have started just giving him to his daddy and letting him take care of him until he wants to eat then I get him back. He spent all day Friday with him while I was at work. I think that was really good for him. I know he loves Cale very much even if he doesn't show it and I know he doesn't want to miss out on everything with him even if he isn't around while we are here.
The wedge between Nathan and him is so much worse now. Nathan is just too in tune with what is going on with me. I promise you this I have not told Nate anything about what is going on and he has figured it out. It is so sad, Nathan had so many issues of letting Ray in and when he finally did Ray did what he feared the most. I feel so sorry for Nathan. I understand why Nathan feels like Ray is pushing him to the side and wants nothing to do with him because he is really doing that.
I had a friend ask me to lunch today and she told me how she talked to him last night and he told her he wanted me to stay and that he wanted things to work out. I won't get my hopes up only because his actions speak louder than words. I just don't see it.

The sad thing is all he would have to do is try and I would stay............
But for now Cale and I sit alone at home by ourselves once again. You know what is so ironic.... I say that I do not want him here at the house because it is too hard and hurts too much but as soon as he leaves I want him here with me. I understand that makes no sense but I do.

I would also like to tell you that I took Cale to his 2 month well baby check on Friday and he now weighs 11 lbs. 7 oz. He is getting so big and is starting to smile and make all of the baby noises. And for some reason he has started drueling and making bubbles. lol

I'm just so confused

2007-11-01T18:18:00.001-10:00

Hello everyone.. I just wanted to share a few photos of my boys from last night. They are getting so big. But blogger would not let me...

So I will tell you all the new happenings. First thank you all so much for your kind words, I think I cried each time I got a new message.

I don't see my family working out. Ray hasn't been home in the last 3 nights and he came home for Halloween and walked with the boys and a group of the neighbors. He wasn't his normal self with me anymore and I stopped myself from crying in front of everyone at least three times. I makes me so mad how he has the power to hurt me so easily. I'm trying so hard to be nice but it doesn't work. I can be mean and trust me I can say mean and hurtful things but then as soon as it comes out of my mouth I feel guilty for saying it and end up beating myself up for saying it then I apologize to him and he doesn't even deserve it. By the time we got home, one of my friends took Nathan home for me because she new it wasn't going to be pretty and knew about what Ray's been doing to me. She was right. We fought for 2 hours. He started with yelling at me because a freaking cupboard was messy. He blames me for his mess and I'm the one that cleans the house and does his laundry. I took it for a little while then lost it on him and explained to him if he was around and could help me maybe it wouldn't be. He never cooks or cleans or helps out around the house. And so on and so on. I told him that if I was that hard to live with then get me the paperwork to get me off the island and I would leave when his mom left (she is coming to see us for Thanksgiving won't that be fun, yeah right) so she could help me on the flight. He was furious with me for saying that and told me that I shouldn't want to take his son away from him, I said your not around him now so what would be the difference. I told him that I didn't deserve to be treated like sh%t and I was tired of it, all he did was put me down and he couldn't say one nice thing about me and I was over it. He couldn't even admit that he wasn't treating me right and it ended with him taking up for the other female. It got so much worse, and he of course started taking up for her and how unfair it was for her that she got accused of having an affair. How it's hard to be a female in the Marines. Yeah right, they are all spreading their legs anyways(obviously), with other peoples husbands. I told him once again, if it was as innocent as he says then he would of done so many thing different. I explained to him that the fact that he feels like he needs to protect her and not me, his wife said so much about there situation. Since he got into trouble with his command he has been denying anything with her before he denied nothing.
After I thought he could say nothing to me that would hurt any worse than he already has, he found some things. I can't even begin to tell you things he said to me. He tried to "build me up with all the good things about me and ended it with but its just not enough, you don't want to "go anywhere with me" plus more. Trust me I want out of this house, but what am I to do, leave the kids at home alone so I can do them? I do not like leaving my kids with people. He suggested one of his friends watching them, but I don't trust his friends. It is our responsiblity to take care of them not someone else so I can go out. I asked him if he wanted to set up a date night so we could go out together for a few hours, he said that's not the same its too planned out that way. He acts like he is a teenager again. Its so odd to see him act like this. He honestly wasn't like this before. He was the one that always included Nathan in everything we did.

It ended with me saying look you have already made up your mind so there is nothing that I can say to you. You are just keeping me around for Cale and so if maybe you go to Iraq again you will have someone here waiting on you when you get home. His reply was I just do not know what to do I am afraid if we end things then I will regret it and see that I have made the biggest mistake of my life, but then what if its not. I walked away saying Ray what do you want me to say to you, that is just the chance you will have to take. You can't have both you have to choose one that is how it works when your an adult.

I feel so numb and empty, I cried pretty much all night long. I just do not know what to do. Do I go or do I stay? He treats me like sh%t. He has given me no reason to stay and every reason to go but why is it that I stay? Am I trying to just keep getting hurt? This hurts really bad and I can't breathe at times.

Oh on a happier subject I started my new job and I love it!!!!!!!

2007-10-28T22:25:00.001-10:00

OK so in life there are normally some things that you do not put out there for everyone to know/read and I am sure that this is one of them but I don't care and I can not take it anymore.

I found out three days after Cale was born that my husband, Ray, is having an affair with one of the female marines in his unit. This female is also trying to be my best friend. She is so fake, but i will play. It is not much fun for me. I went to there command about it, to get them in trouble, and I do believe that it has only made things worse because, they are now spending even more time together even after they got yelled at for two days straight. They of course say they are just friends but there actions speak louder than there words. I know better now.
Ray has pretty much told me that he does not want to be a father, he will sign over all rights of his child to me, he is not ready to settle down and that he likes being with her more because she if fun. She can do all the things that I want to do but can't because hello I have his baby to take care of.

I feel like I am slowly getting killed. I feel so stupid. I never seen it coming. I had no idea. The man that I married is not the man I see now. It is so sad to see how he changed and how fast he did it. He went to the club once with the boys and bang he was back in full swing. He is out at least 3 nights a week his normal routine now is he just doesn't come home at all... The only difference is now I tell him not to come home. I do not want him here. So we are now on day # 2 without him in my house. My only fear is that I am making it easier to let them be together. If I can't have him, neither can she. You know what I realized tonight? I am afraid to go to church because if I do then he will go spend time with her, or if I let him keep Cale then he will take him to her house and they will play family. I know this sounds pathetic but I am driving myself freakin crazy here.

My plan is to get off this island. I am in the process of making sure that can happen and that it can happen fast. I really just can not take it anymore. Even if the two of them are just "friends" I do not want to live like this. My boys deserve better. And I don't want a man like that to be a father to my sons. What I thought was love, was just conveinence for my family.

I was talking to Charla yesterday and she said "you haven't updated your blog in a while" my response was yeah I know its because I am afraid of what I will say.

Well Charla this is what I was afraid of saying.

Praying for a safe trip home

2007-10-11T15:07:00.000-10:00

2007-10-09T19:30:00.001-10:00

My parents are still here. They are enjoying there stay with the boys. We have done alot of the tourist hot spots so they have enjoyed that. They have been to see the filming site of LOST, Jurrassic Park, and 50 First Dates and Magnum PI (that is an old one) along with Sea Life Adventure Park, Pearl Harbor, Hunamana Bay and Waikii, the zoo, a few Botanical Gardens, the beaches on 3 different bases a luau, and so much more. We are all tired to say the least. LOL

But as far as the drama that was mentioned earlier. Its not much better and it just seems to be getting worse, well at least for me and my family. It has brought about some well... feelings and it is a shame that marriages will end like they are going to. I just do not know how this will work out for us. My husband is a good provider and i love him, but i'm just not sure that will be enough for my family.

I really can not get any more honest with you girls than this. It sucks. It hurts bad, I can't breathe,I feel like a truck has just ran me over and all the while I stand here and my family is falling apart right in front of my parents. Please just please keep us in your prayers please.

Talk to you soon

Family Time

2007-09-26T20:54:00.000-10:00

Well the time is finally here, my parents are flying in tomorrow. I am glad to see them and a visit will be nice. Neither one of them have ever flown before so this could prove to be interesting. I tried to keep them out of the major airports so they wouldn't get lost and then I found some really cheap tickets and got them for them instead and after I purchased them I realized that they will be flying to San Fransisco. Holy Cow I hope they make it to there connecting flight. So if I disappear for the next two weeks now that is where I am at.

As for the drama that has unfolded in my life, it could not of happened at a worse time. I was given some really serious information and when I confronted my husband he was not happy, but I brought it straight to him first. Now it has become a he said she said battle and the one who told me is denying the accusations. But all parties involved know I did not pull this out of my behind and set out to try to destroy my marriage so what do you do. I know this I do not see it going away very easy and there will be alot of hurt feelings over it and I am afraid it will be the end of at least 2 friendships here on the island and I am very sad about that. It has just gotten blown way out of the water. I feel like I am in high school again.
I finally told my husband tonight does it really matter anymore? As long as the main people involved have come to terms with it and know what the deal is, does it really matter what everyone else is saying. Then I think I can say this because it isn't my character on the line I guess. What a mess.

Grains for Gratitude

2007-09-24T00:33:00.000-10:00

Look I got an award! I am so happy, I am smiling from ear to ear. This is what it says:
the thing that I love most about blogging is that I learn so much about a person just by reading their blog. I have met MANY wonderful people with wonderful stories to tell,and I am grateful every day for each person that I have the pleasure of crossing paths in life with. I wanted to create something special for ten people who have inspired me through their blogging; the stories they tell, and the lives that they lead with grace and dignity. I visit their blogs for inspiration and encouragement. Although there are MANY people I want to give this award to at this very moment, I am going to choose ten bloggers:Please grab your badge and wear it(with a smile) proudly, and pass it on because you inspire and encourage me, thank you. So, now it is my turn to pass it on. "

Ok so I do not know of 10 people that I can send it but I will try.
1. Michelle at Big Blueberry Eyes
2. Morning Glory
3. Shionge
4. Lala
5. Code yellow mom
6. KBug

I know I am sad but I do not know how to put there link on here so this will have to work, if you would like to visit there site go to my side bar.

By the way I tried to put the award in my side bar but it would not fit, so I will be working on that.
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Well this week, you would of thought, would of been great, I have a new born who is healthy and so on but no it has been one of the most trying weeks of my life. So I truly need this.

1. I am grateful for the fact that although I was afraid I was not going to be able to nurse Cale because either a. no milk, or not enough (i have plenty) or b. it just dang hurts to bad. (no one mentions that when they tell you how great it is) but I find out that it is just the opposite my son is two weeks old today and he weighs 8 lbs. He weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz when he was born the little guy has almost gained 2 pounds. So I do have enough milk, and he is just greedy... and all of the soreness has went away. Big sigh there.

2. I have a wonderful son who is so protective of me and his little brother, he does everything for him that he can and does it willingly. I love him even more for this.

3. Again for my new friends on the island who love me enough to tell the truth about a situation even though they know how much it will hurt me to hear. It is never easy to get bad news, or something you think is true but just can't prove it only then to have it confirmed. It may take some time to get past but I will always be grateful for them telling me.

4. For God, because I know I take advantage of his love but He is never failing and is there for me to turn to with open arms when I come running to him with tears in my eyes. He is there to take me and hold me. There is no other feeling like it.

5. For a new hair cut, its funny how just a simple trim can make you feel so much better about yourself.

6. I am grateful for the fact that in 2 weeks I have lost 20 pounds and only have 10 more to loose to get back down to what I weighed when I got pregnant, but I am going for another 20 pounds to get back down to what I would like to weigh.

7. I am grateful that even though my mom and I do not always see I to I and we argue alot, her and my dad are coming to spend the next two weeks with me and they get here on Thursday. I am excited to spend some time with them. They have never flown before so this is huge for them. (My mom has two fears, air planes, and water, she is overcoming both of them to get here.)

8. For my new church, even though I have not been back yet since I have had Cale, I am looking forward to going again.

From the heart

2007-09-19T20:19:00.000-10:00

This is the conversation that my oldest son and I just had:

Me: Nathan why are there brownies all over the floor?
Nate: I don't know, its not from me.
Me: Ok then who was eating them then?
Nate: Me.

I bend over to pick up a crumb from his brownie and I get...

Nate: Aren't you glad that you can bend over now?!?!?!?

Speechless

2007-09-17T21:34:00.001-10:00

Today Cale is 8 days old. He went to his first doctor's appointment and everything went great! They told me that he now weighs 7 lbs. and 1 oz. I couldn't believe that he has gained that much weight. I kept saying he was a greedy baby and liked to eat and I guess I was right. I just thought it was because he was being breast fed and he wasn't getting enough... I now no longer worry about that! He just likes to eat! She did a full work up on him and said he was doing great and she would normally see him in 2 weeks but since we new what we were doing and he was doing so good she would see him at his 2 month check up and of course if we needed anything to call them and so on....

He is getting so big... I just can't believe it..

Some have asked how Nathan is doing and let me just say he is doing awesome with this. This is how he goes to sleep at night now.

Not to mention that he gets up an hour early for school just so he can hold him... I am not joking. He wakes himself up at 6 am and knocks on my door saying "mommy will you bring him out now I am dressed?" So I get up and go out with him and he sits on the couch and watches TV and holds Cale until it is time to go to school. I love it. I am so very proud of him.

Now I have not had a chance to snap the picture yet but to be honest with you Ray falls asleep the very same way about 20 minutes after I make Nathan go to bed, which is pretty funny if you ask me.

Here is one more picture that I took the other day while Cale was sleeping I just couldn't help but take it, he looked so cute.

He is 5 days old in this picture.

Off to bed I go. I am so tired.

simply put

2007-09-01T09:10:00.001-10:00

No baby Yet! He likes his home right where it is at! LOL. I will keep you posted.

Until then....................... have a good weekend

another baby update

2007-08-30T09:15:00.001-10:00

So we went to my appointment yesterday and they hooked me up to the NST again, which is the non stress test for the baby. I was left on the machine for like 45 minutes instead of 20 like normal so that took forever. Then they all rushed in and kind of scared me, but it was only because they forgot about me. LOL.. Isn't that nice to know. LOL.... I gave them all a hard time about that. You know how I have been telling you that they have been monitoring my labs really close to make sure that I am not in any distress, well what they look for is a increase in protein, they call it spilling protein. It is usually high when your organs are starting to get into distress well I found out that mine is not too high, but now it is low! LOL How funny is that. Everyone has been freaked out because they were afraid it would be elevated and I would have problems and now I do not have enough... God really has a funny sense of humor doesn't He!

My OB Dr. came in the room and did her exam and I am 2 cm dilated and ready to go, just waiting on my body to do its thing. She told me to make sure my bags are packed (which they are not). She also did not give me a choice on being induced, she said the baby was at least 6 1/2 pounds now and she did not want me to get any bigger so if I have not had this baby by next Wednesday they would induce labor then! I almost freaked out. LOL yes I got scared.

This morning when I woke up I found out just what she meant, I have lost the "plug" that everyone has talked about and well now the contractions are getting alot stronger and I find myself counting them a little more now. I do not know if I will make it through the weekend at this rate, but with baby's you never know.

For now I am off to go make sure Rauy isn't freaking out again. He, I think is getting a little overwhelmed. Its so funny!

Grains of Gratitiude

2007-08-27T09:02:00.001-10:00

I keep forgetting to do this on Sunday with everyone else but I guess better late than never! I can't believe another week has went by.

1. So this week I am grateful for the fact that I can be honest with you guys on here and tell you about the drama that happened with my son's school and you did not think he was a freak or worse! So thank you all for that, it meant alot.

2. I am happy that things worked out like they did and all I need to worry about is making sure that the guidance counselor gets that off of his record!

3. I saw something new in my sons eyes this week. A new respect for Ray! He was afraid he was going to get into so much trouble over all of that and when he saw Ray standing up for him and making sure that he was not getting bulldozed, Nathan stood a little closer to him and had so much pride! It was cute!

4. I am now entering into my 37th week of pregnancy without major complications and I am very happy about that. I have the option this Thursday of setting a date of getting induced and I am not sure what to do about it. I am torn. I kind of want both. The convenience of knowing when I will be going into labor and then I want to know what it feels like to go into labor on my own. Ray wants the later of the two, (only because he is scared, LOL)

5. The most important one is that I found a church that I really like!!! I heard about some speakers that will be coming to the island and doing a conference next week and I really like them and thought maybe I should go check out this church since they will be there and it was awesome. The praise and worship was good, which is needed for me, and then the pastor was so real. I really liked it. So did Nathan so yeah!!!!!! My next task is to get Ray to start going to church. He needs some help from God.

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I have an urgent prayer request please!!!

I have a friend who is having to make some very hard decisions about her life. She was called to her kids school today and found out that there step dad has not been so nice to them while she is at work and they are starting an investigation on this matter. She is freaking out and has made her husband leave the house and she does not know what she is going to do!

Completely shocked

2007-08-22T09:25:00.001-10:00

Last night my life changed. I got a phone call from Ray yesterday telling me that Nathan got into a little trouble yesterday for smacking his little "girlfriend" on the behind while on the playground. The guidance counselor would like to talk to us about this in a conference the following day. Ok so I kind of blew it off, because seriously come on now they are kids, she was kicking him in the shins (he has bruises to prove it) and he smacked her on her bottom while playing... At 8:45 last night I get a phone call from the guidance counselor. Nathan may possibly be getting kicked out of school, or worse for this sexual harassment case that they have started against him! He is in the 5th grade!!!!! He did this in plain view of everyone on the playground, I hardly doubt he meant any harm considering this.... Needless to say I am freaking out over this.... Anyway the meeting is at 11:00 are time. Please keep us in your prayers today!
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Well the meeting is over and I feel so much better about everything. When we got there the guidance counselor was being such a jerk, it was like he was really out to get Nathan at first, since he knows nothing about my son up until yesterday! The meeting involved just his teacher, the guidance counselor and the principal along with Ray and I.

Once we got in there and started talking to the principal I found out that protocol was not followed, and the guidance counselor did not inform her of the situation immediately and she was not informed until 2 hours before the meeting, strike one for him. So when he started talking about the situation that happened yesterday and he told them all that Nathan lied about doing it at first...I said yes he did because you told him that he could go to jail for touching a little girl on the butt.... he was too scared at that point to say anything. Which is completely against state policy when interviewing a young child. Strike two for him. We then talked about how all of the other students heard one of the little kids tell him to do it and that was addressed as well. (I do not make excuses for him, he did smack her on the bottom which was wrong and he knows that) I then asked them if they knew that the little girl was kicking him in the shins and that they were playing while she and Nathan were doing this. The guidance counselor did know about this but the others in the room did not. Strike three for him. His teacher said "he wouldn't tell me that yesterday because they like each other". I said exactly he did not want to get her into trouble. I was also told that the same little boy that told him to do it was the same little boy who told on him and is the same little kid that likes Nathan's little "girlfriend". Then the principal said so these two were really just playing and meant no harm to each other! She told us that she was really having a hard time understanding this because she could not see Nathan doing this because he was such a good kid and that it made more sense now that it was a completely different story now. He was not being rude or malicious at all.

By the end of the meeting everything was dropped and he would be getting into trouble along with the little girl, for "not keeping there hands to themselves and for hitting" which he did do and I was fine with that. But not the other.
The guidance counselor did put the sexual harassment referral in his electronic chart which he should not of done until after the principal was told and the investigation was completed and when he tried to take it out, he could not and found out that it would be permanently in Nathan's file. Strike four for him..... I was not happy about that at all and made it very clear. It is now his job to get it out of his chart and trust me I will be on top of that situation!!!!!!! I will not leave this island with that crap in Nathan's chart! It will follow him for the rest of his school days..

I was on line last night and it only made me freak out even more about the situation but when Ray read the forms we printed them out and we were ready for a fight if needed. It states clearly that the school must have signs posted in every building about sexual harassment and that they must provide classes to teach small children what the guidelines were. We knew Nathan has never been in any such class and that there weren't any signs at the school either. (We looked on our way in just to make sure, there weren't any in the office either) there were a couple other rules that were not being followed and we did bring those to there attention, since the guidance counselor was being such a jerk and this is one of his roles at the school. If kids at this age are going to be expected to follow these rules then they need to be properly informed about what is Ok in school and what is not.

As a parent I know to teach my child if someone touches them in there privates that this is never Ok. If someone makes comments that make me feel uncomfortable that this is not ok. But did I ever think to tell my son, that it is considered sexual harassment to smack a little girl on the butt while playing. Considering this is an every day occurrence in sports. No I didn't and until yesterday both of these little kids (well his whole class) had no idea that was a problem. To them they were just playing, which is what the kids told the teacher yesterday.

We were told that the principal was now in the process of setting up a class for this, she has plans on separating the boys and the girls so they could talk about this. Apparently this was not the first occurrence of this sorts that they had problems with this last year as well!!! No joke. So instead of addressing it last year they will now.

So there is the end to my stressful day! No huge battle, just a little hump in the road. Count it as a lesson well learned for my son!

Just a little side note, I read the comments about the young boys and the JackA@@ show, I have not found it yet but plan on reading it, but in our local news paper there was an article about how the this state has not been taking sexual harassment very serious and at one of the high school 3 girls were confronted by a boy and they went through the proper channels when each situation happened and nothing happened to the boy. When it finally got through the chain of command, it was addressed for the whole state. Which is why things are like they are at our elementary schools now. I guess the question is where do you actually draw the line?

Grains of Gratititude

2007-08-20T12:31:00.001-10:00

1. I am grateful this week that Ray was so thoughtful where my son is concerned. The fishing trip was a flop. Three out of four of them got really sick, they spent most of the day puking off the side of the boat! LOL I will not share the stories that we were told when they got home, but oh my goodness, I have not laughed that hard in such a long time. But then the boat broke, they had a fuel leak. They had to call the coast guard and have someone come and get them. They were on the water for a total of 13 hours and other than the fact that no one could stand up straight without rocking back and forth, they had so much fun. (considering) they were all full of laughter and jokes on Nathan for the days events. They had alot of fun and he is ready to go again. LOL..

2. I love my son and I can not tell you what it does to you when you are in the kitchen and he is in the living room and he yells "MOM, I just want you to know your a good mom and I love you!" then you ask what was that for, and you get " just because, I just wanted you to know that" I hug him, tell him I love him and walk away thinking to myself, I must be doing something right with him!

3. I am forever in debt to the girls that I have become close friends with here. There husband's both work with mine and they decided to have a baby shower for me with all of the guys from work, so they called it a BBQ. LOL... The deal was the guys were told to donate money to one of the female marines in the unit and then the girls would go buy the gifts for them. LOL... The female marine totally dropped the ball and did not do her part. So the girls went anyway and bought everything that we need for the baby themselves and I mean everything. They made sure that all we have to do is go home and have a baby! I didn't know any of this until everyone had left and they told me if I needed to exchange anything to let them know they have all of the receipts but not to tell the boys how much they really spent. When we got in the car and I told Ray what had happened, he was just as touched by the friends that we had in them and did not even see it. It was a very tear jerking moment. Those of you in the military completely understand how important that is.

4. Oh and to the two guys who actually bought us gifts on there own. I loved the gifts. Neither one of them have kids and they are both in there 20's still and they bought us gifts. One got us a baby book that is so adorable, and the other picked out 4 outfits all by himself with no help from a girl! I was told that by them both. I love those guys, there great!

Listening to the birds chirp in the early hours

2007-08-18T09:52:00.001-10:00

It is 1000 here and I have been awake since 0430. I bet you are thinking aww she couldn't sleep because she is pregnant. Well no not exactly. Ray and his friends had planned a fishing trip for today on the boat. So that means they wake up before daylight and get ready to leave here. I normally sleep through all of that but no not this morning. I get woke up by my husband and he starts like this:
Him: hey honey what are your plans for the day?
Me: I really do not have any why?
Him: because I am going to take Nathan with me if he will get up.

Uhhhmmmmmm ok. where did that come from? LOL See Nathan has never been out on a "big" fishing trip because we are not so sure how he will do. A. He gets sea sick while sitting in the bay, we have found out, which is not good. B. He still gets a little bored while you sit there and the guys usually stay for at least 6 hours, which is not good when he is bored.

But with that being said he was up out of bed, and in Nathan's room waking him up to see if he wanted to go. We all can imagine that he was. Nathan was up and dressed in less than 10 seconds. I made him a few extra sandwiches so they would all have something to eat. I ask him as he is taking the sandwiches out to the cooler if he was excited, and the smile on his face was just too much, all I got was Yes!!!!! and he ran out the door to get go get in the jeep. I hope he does ok out there with them. So far they have not come back, so that is a good sign.

I have to say that I sometimes worry about how Ray will be with our new addition, you know if he will be involved, be at home with us or will he still be out every weekend with the boys doing something in the water and leave me to do the rest. Then I have to sit back and look at how he is with Nathan. Nathan isn't even his biological son and he tries to involve him in everything that he does, so why wouldn't he be the same way with this one.
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Just a quick update on baby to be. I went to the doctor again on Friday and she things look good as far as the baby goes. They did a growth scan on him and said he weighs about 4 1/2 pounds now and that he over taken my stomach. His head is as far down and it can go and he has stretched himself out so that his feet are touching my sternum. I saw the pictures to prove it. So that explains why I have been in so much pain and had such horrible heart burn. I have been getting sick because of all the acid. The medicine and tums are not working and now I know why. All of my lab work came back fine and there wasn't any protein in my urine this time around so no more worries there since my blood pressure is still normal.
The down side of the appointment was that I got sick on the doctor when she was doing the growth scan. I had just eaten breakfast, she was pushing kind of hard to get the pictures she needed. The more sh pushed the more he pushed back, and then add the room was hot. Yeah well I so got sick everywhere. It kind of scared me, I thought that I was going to pass out on her. It was not good. But what do you do! We then talked about inducing me again and I kind of chickened out and decided that I would like to wait and see if I do this on my own, since I didn't do that with Nathan. She thought that was the best decision as well. But I still have the option again in 3 weeks and I will probably take her up on it at that point. LOL..
I am so miserable with this acid reflux thing. It really hurts. He should come out needing a hair cut if the old saying is true..... "if you have alot of heart burn, it means your kids will have alot of hair."

My first blog award!

2007-08-14T12:21:00.000-10:00

I just found out that I received this award! I'm shocked I really do not know what to say other than... Thank you Michelle.....

Now I just have to figure out how to put it in my side bar. LOL..

Grains of Gratitude

2007-08-13T11:35:00.000-10:00

1. I am grateful for the fact that I told you that Nathan was adjusting to his new school year only to find out the next day that he had been in school 4 days and had been moved 3 times to try to get him to stop talking... LOL.. Yes I know, what are the odds of that happening. But after being grounded for a week he has changed his attitude and is now part of the JPO at his school... Which is the junior police officer at the school...

2. I am grateful for not freaking out when I went to the doctor on Friday and she told me that I was spilling protein in my urine which means that I am starting to get pre eclampsia. I am far enough along now that I am not too concerned about it. I can always have him early now and he will be ok if my blood pressure or kidneys should start to fail.

3. I am grateful for new friends. Two of the female Sgt.'s in Ray's company along with 2 of the guys wives have planned a baby shower for me. Which will help out so much so we can get all of the little things that are needed for the baby. I think it will be funny to see all the guys at the baby shower too and it may not be a traditional shower but the thought was so nice and greatly appreciated!

4. Again I am thankful for my neighbors here they are all so great. They feed me when Ray is gone out on the boat. LOL.. My next door neighbors are always doing big dinners and if Ray is gone for whatever reason, they always make me come over for dinner or to just hang out with them while he is gone. Then they make me plates for Nathan and Ray. They are great. I love them. They have made moving to the island so much easier, with them being so close, I feel like I have family here.
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Just a little update from us: This weekend was full! All week the guys were here working on the boat, you know since that seems to be the main focus. So by Friday night the girls were tired of the boat. I was exhausted..... So when the did not finish until after midnight, needless to say I was not happy. I had to stay up with the girls since they were at my house and when Ray did come inside.....he got the look!!!! LOL I said my goodbyes and went straight to the shower (don't worry the girls were gone before I got into the shower, I can't be that rude to them it wasn't there fault). I was in bed and asleep before he even came in to take a shower.... So when he came in and tried to talk to me, I was not amused.... All I said is I am not in a race, I will not be second to a boat or his friends, I am tired please let me sleep... LOL... He laughed and kissed me told me he was sorry and he loved me.
I really wasn't mad just really tired.

Saturday the boys got up and was out on the boat by 6 AM. They were only gone for half of the day and they caught only one fish and it was a little one. It weighed 15 pounds. It was called a Po'opa'a I think. LOL.. It is a fish that is only here and the locals love it, I will not lie, I may be wrong about the name of the fish. We put the fish on ice and everyone was so tired that the three of us, took a nice long nap... Needless to say the dinner we were suppose to have was canceled and we made arrangements for that to happen on Sunday.

Sunday rolled around and the other two boys wanted to go out on the boat and Ray turned them down and spent the day with us instead. We had a nice day, we got the rest of the big stuff for the baby and then he spent the rest of the day building me some shelves for my laundry room. We really needed them. Our friends came over that evening and we went to our neighbors (told you I loved them) for dinner. They cooked the fish that the boys caught. It was so good. Everyone had such a good time. I am sorry to tell that you that we were all still very tired and my house hold was in bed and sound asleep by 9 PM.

Pregnancy is like getting your butt kicked from the inside.

2007-08-09T10:13:00.000-10:00

Well the title says it all. I am by no means complaining today, it is more so funny to me than anything. I am kicked around today and there is nothing I can do about it. My little bundle of joy has run out of room to play so he is now resorting to kicking my rib cage at every given moment. I really think he is going to crack my ribs. Those of you who have been pregnant can completely understand this. I am having one of those days where the more I move the more contractions I seem to have but when I lay/sit down for a minute to rest he begins to play like there is no tomorrow. I love the feeling of him moving around but dang it hurts today. He has managed to get his foot up under my ribs and he keeps pushing, I push him back and it only gets worse! I have tried to reason with him but he will not move.

I can actually sit here and see his legs roll around, I keep getting a knee that shows itself, not a foot like the picture but the knee. I didn't get to feel all of this with Nathan. He never moved around like this not to mention I had already had him by now.

Enough of the baby moving!!!---------------------------------------------------------

I went to the doctor again on Monday for my scheduled visit. I had to take Gavin, the little boy that I baby sit. He is always so good for me there, mostly because he is scared to death and he will just sit with me and hold on for dear life. NO joke. Do you know how hard it is to get a 18 month old boy sit still for 30 minutes? Not hard if your him, just hook me up to the monitor and let him hear the baby's heartbeat and he will not move. He sat by my side for 20 minutes and did not move once. He was so scared. It was sad and funny all at the same time. No one could believe that he was doing that.. LOL...

but anyhooo the PA that I have been seeing came in my room after 20 minutes of me sitting on the monitors and said that baby looks good and that I am still having some good contractions and if I keep this up I will go early! While we were sitting there talking the baby's heart rate spiked up really high, so she decided to do another stress test on him, now I do not know if you remember but the last time we attempted to do this, he did not respond very fast. Well this time I think he almost jumped out of my skin. The doctor about fell out of her chair laughing because of how much he jumped. Needless to say he was not happy after the test and I got to feel the punishment! But he passed the test!

I go back again on Friday for another appointment to get lab work done and to see if my cervix's is starting to change and I so hope that it is. I want this baby to be here now. I am starting to get really uncomfortable, you know, the can't bend over very easy, the hurts to walk because he is so low, and the I can't breathe thing that happens. yeah they have all set in. Not to mention I waddle. I never did that with Nathan either. My husband likes to point that out that and I am getting big. (He is always very nice about it, he says it with a smile and then kisses me while he rubs my belly, he's not being mean he just thinks it's cute)

As for my boys and how are they handling it.
Nathan is getting excited about being a big brother, we went and bought a scrap book yesterday for the baby and he is so excited about putting it together for him. It is so cute, he is all into getting the right stickers and putting where they belong and making the page look just right! It's so cute to see him doing this.
Ray is getting really nervous about everything, it has definitely hit home that his life is about to change in so many ways. The other night we were in bed talking and out of the blue he says,
Ray: have you packed a bag for you and the baby yet?
Me: uhhhhh no, I haven't even thought about it
Ray: well don't you think we need to do that soon?
Me: not yet we still have some time for that
Ray: but you keep having all of those contractions and they said it could be soon

I then had to explain to him that by soon she means like two weeks or so not like tomorrow. That my contractions may be getting stronger but there is no sequence to them yet and my cervix hasn't changed at all yet. I wish you could of seen the look of relief on his face. He tries to act all strong and like it doesn't bother him but you can see something completely different on his face! So cute!
He has changed so much in all of this, he has went from, it can't be that bad, and there is no way you can be tired to if I get up in the middle of the night, he is sitting up saying are you alright, do you need anything, is everything ok.

Enough rambling. Sorry if you made it through all of that.

Grains of Gratitude

2007-08-05T18:28:00.000-10:00

Things that I am grateful this past week:

1. I am thankful for the fact that Nathan finished his first week of school and enjoyed himself very much. He actually has alot of the same kids in his class that he met last year. And I am glad that he thinks that he got the mean teacher. He needs someone to be strict with him or he will wonder off somewhere and not stay focused on the task at hand. LOL...

2. For my new friends here on the island. Ray has 2 guys that he works with and they do alot together which leaves the wives to hang out as well. We all get along so well, and have so much fun together.

3. For my neighbors who seem to take the place of our family being so far away. They take Nathan under there wings and he hangs out with them and plays like he is part of the family.

4. For peace of mind that everything will be fine with this pregnancy and I have nothing to worry about.

5. For a husband and a son who are so willing to help me out when I get tired or just come in and kiss me on the cheek when they see that I have fallen asleep on the couch. I hear them say, "I love you mom" or Ray saying, "get some good sleep, I love you, I got dinner".

One Piece of Humble Pie Coming Right Up

2007-08-02T11:01:00.000-10:00

I feel absolutely horrible. I was running around today doing all of my reading and commenting on others blogs when I stumbled across Sarah's blog and read her last entry. She is a mother of two and just found out that she was pregnant. They were so happy and then she realized she was having a miscarriage. She had such grace in telling her story and you can see that God is truly holding her hand through it all. Her husband was so sweet and bought her flowers and in such a hard time she was sharing her story with everyone.

All the while here I am complaining about my joy. I am truly sorry! So like I said here is my humble pie. My life isn't as bad as I have been seeing it. I still have my healthy baby, he has been trying to show me that by all the moving he has been doing and all I have done is complain about how I feel.

Please forgive me!
Michelle

Funny how God works, I had a dream that I started participating in the Grains for Gratitude on my blog and today is what confirmed. I have plenty to be thankful for. I just couldn't see it!

I've been putting this off!

2007-08-01T06:09:00.000-10:00

If you haven't noticed, I love pictures especially the animated ones. LOL... I giggle when I see them and that makes me feel better. So I stand before you today and tell you this is how I feel. Like a little baby crying.

On Saturday my family and I along with 2 other couples took the boat out on the bay, so I could see Nathan tubing, and water skiing. Everyone had so much fun, and I didn't get bounced around too much on the boat so I thought that I would be OK. I was wrong. I started cramping and had some spotting when I got home, nothing big just a little bit, so I was not too concerned since, this seems to be normal for me and this pregnancy. No big deal right.

But then I noticed on Sunday that the headache that I had 3 days ago is still here and it won't go away with the Tylenol. I pull out the old blood pressure cuff, just to make sure it's not the blood pressure that is causing the headache and it was fine. Which made me very happy. I then convinced myself that I was just over reacting and everything was fine.

So I go shopping for Nathan's school supplies while the boys were back out on the boat. Nathan and a friend, who is older than him, were fishing from the boat while Ray and one of his friends were under the boat scuba diving. They all had so much fun. They ended up spending 8 hours out on the water. Nathan got sea sick for the first time ever, I got a good laugh out of that since he thought that he was immune to that. They went out to the sand bar and played around out there for a little while so they could eat and get out of the boat so Nathan would feel better. Ray then took Nathan back out on the boat so he could try to go scuba diving too... he had him use the extra puffer so he could breathe and they played under water for a little while. I do not know who had more fun doing that Ray or Nate. All in all they had a good day which I was glad for.

Me on the other hand not so much, I started getting really dizzy and couldn't sit up. I got real sick to my stomach and vomited twice and could not seem to get over being dizzy. It was worse when I tried to get up, I think what scared me the most was I was sitting down when it happened, I wasn't moving around or anything just watching TV. Did I mention that I was home alone too.

Monday was the doctor's appointment and I didn't want to tell them but I finally gave in and told her about how I was feeling, everyone freaked out on me because of my history with Nathan. They were convinced that I was started the preeclampsia again and that made me even more nervous. I started crying as they were running all the tests and the next thing I know I am puking at the doctor's feet!!! Not what you want to do when they think you are getting sick! LOL... I laugh now but it was not funny at the time. My blood pressure was up a little but not much, but I am still good on all of my lab work. After crying and begging her not to put me in the hospital, she agreed to let me go home as long as I agreed to take it easy and that I would come back to the doctor on Wednesday to be checked out again. So I agreed.

Here we are on Wednesday morning and Ray wakes up at 0430 to get ready for work as normal, he normally tries to get ready in Nate's bathroom so he doesn't wake me up (he's so nice about that) and as I am laying there my nose starts running. I do the normal huffs and puffs and then I go to our bathroom and blow my nose. That is when I notice that I am tasting blood, so I flip on the bathroom light to find my face covered in blood!!! I had blood all over my face, all over the bed and I could not get it to stop. I try to stay calm then when Ray comes back in the room to see why I am up, he freaks out. So now I have to calm myself and him down. There was alot of blood and I could not get it to stop.... He tried to stay home with me and I tell him to go to work because its just a nose bleed and I would call him if I needed him to come home. He agreed and went to work but was not happy about leaving me. (seriously he is in the marine corp. can you imagine him calling his gunny and saying "sir my wife's nose is bleeding I need to stay home with her" he would get laughed at! I do not want to be the wife that can not take care of herself.) He then came back home and told me he was coming to the doctor with me today so I had to wait for him, I laughed and agreed to wait. He gets so worried, I try to keep him calm so he doesn't freak out on me but I have noticed that the closer it gets to my due date the more nervous he seems to get.

But after an hour of my nose bleeding I finally got it to stop. My blood pressure was fine so that was not the problem. My nose wasn't dry or stuffy so that wasn't the problem either. I really do not know what caused it. But I am sure today at 1:00 I will find out.

This is why I feel like a baby crying because yes, when I saw Ray freaking out I did start to cry. I know what caused that tho, my hormones.....

So frustrated!

2007-07-26T12:42:00.001-10:00

I am so frustrated that I could cry again. This morning I was woke up by the phone and it was my new job, you know the one that I applied for back in June and got but had to wait on all of the paperwork to be finished. You know the one that assured me over and over again that is was no problem that I was pregnant.... This morning, she calls and tells me that I still have the job but they want to wait until after I come off of maternity leave to start my training..... OK fine but I turned down two other jobs, for this job... I could of been working by now and making a little extra cash that we needed! All I could do was cry!

I then texted message Ray and tell him and ask him if he wants me to start looking for something else, his only reply was if you want to, its up to you! Not what I needed too hear, because now I feel like I have to look. So I go online and start looking for a job, something part time or something like that and I get three calls back and as soon as I tell them that my due date is in 6 weeks they tell me that it would just be better for them if I wait until I am ready to come back to work. I even went as far as talking to someone down the street who owns a local bakery, and needed part time help, she even turned me down.

Yep I starting crying again. I really do not want to call Ray back and tell him this. Money is tight, it is not so tight that we are not making it but it is too close for comfort, not to mention the fact that we are both used to having the extra money around to go do things at our free will and not worry about it and now with the baby coming we both feel the crunch!

So again I am so frustrated!!!!! And if I have to hear Nathan say "mom can we go to the beach again today?" one more time, I will loose my mind... I took him and a littel friend yesterday and we spent 3 hours there and I didn't put sunblock on because we had shade, bad idea, I am so sunburned on my thighs, my stomach and my back, so when little Cale moves, he stretches out the skin on my tummy and it hurts!!!!!!
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Ok so after a long day of trying to find another job because of what little comment Ray had said that hurt my feelings. There was no luck... I do not think I have told you this but Nathan has been grabbling with a friend, which is kind of a mix between karate take downs and wrestling. Since he loves wrestling and has not been able to do that since we got here, he is loving it. He asked if he could spend the night down there and I said yes. Which was good, after dinner Ray I had a chance to talk about his little comment. Apparently that is the problem with emails, text messages and so on, you can not hear the tone of the person leaving you the message. He explained to me that he is fine with me not working, and he thinks it makes sense, but if I feel like I want to, he is not going to try to stop me. He reassured me that things are fine, yes they may be a little tighter than we are used to but we are by no means in trouble. So yes after I dried my tears one more time, I felt like a complete fool for over reacting. I again remembered why I wanted to have this man's baby, he may be ruff around the edges but he is a good provider. He loves us and will do what ever it takes to take care of us!

Updates on the baby to be!

2007-07-24T10:04:00.000-10:00

I went to the doctor's yesterday and I knew that this was a very important appointment so Ray took off work to go with me. See yesterday was when we were going to find out if the placenta had moved back to where it needed to be. It stops moving around at 32 weeks. We were also finding out if I had enough amniotic fluid and the they were checking my cervix, doing another non-stress test for the baby, and so on... I know it sounds a little overwhelming right! To top it all off I had Gavin with me, I was not excited about it but could do nothing about it.

So I did what every mother has done once or twice, I made him stay up all day long.... I would not let him take his morning nap, nor did I put him down at noon like I normally do. I played with him outside, we took a 45 minute bath, we played hard all day long. He even at one point got up in the chair that I always rock him to sleep in and just looked at me and cried like please let me go to sleep. LOL.. It was so sad, it broke my heart but I held my ground and we continued to play. Then at 2:00 I put him in his car seat and headed for the office. He was asleep within 10 minutes, which is what I wanted.... My appointment was at 2:40 and he slept until almost 4. I was so happy. We did not leave the appointment until 5:20. It took forever.

I first had to wait on the doctor and then they moved me to another room and then they hooked me up to the monitors to see if I was having contractions for 20 minutes, this always makes Ray laugh to hear the baby's heart rate. He likes to watch the monitor and he knows what is good and what is not, so he is always telling me what the heart rate is, at one point his eyes got real big and he goes it just dropped down to 82. I started laughing and told him that is because he moved and that is my heart rate and when I moved the monitor to where he ran off too it came back. I wish you could of seen the look of panic on his face. I should probably explain the concern: see the baby's heart rate seems to drop down real low from time to time, but then he corrects himself just as fast, so no one is concerned about it, but you still watch it. So after 20 minutes of Gavin freaking out because he did not like the sound of the baby's heart beat, and him sitting between my legs holding on for his life that was over.

Ray took Gavin while the PA did the stress test and this baby is not afraid of anything. He is suppose to react to the buzzing noise, (the idea is for it to scare him and you see a raise in his heart rate instead of a decrease, to see how he handles stress) well this little baby is not phased by it and is more annoyed with the fact that she is pushing on my stomach than the actual noise! Yeah Ray thought that was just hilarious! We finally got him to respond after like 4 buzzes. He did what he was suppose to do. Then the doctor came in the room (first time we met her) yep it kind of scared me. She told me that we needed to go into another room for the rest of the appointment.

I then had my ultrasounds done to see all the good stuff. She told me that he is growing fine. He is a little on the small side but no big deal, he is in the 26% on weight. She said he weighed 3 lbs. 6 oz. right now. Which is not bad. I also have plenty of fluid so that is no longer an issue either. Three down with good news, and we were just waiting to see the rest. She then started looking at the placenta and it has finally attached itself to the exact place we wanted it to go! So yeah no more worries there as well. All in all it was a very good appointment.... For once! I did my normal lab work and we were off and plan to go back in one week for a normal check up! I am so happy about that...

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Now for my funny little story! Later on that in the night Nathan stayed with a friend, and Ray and I had the evening to ourselves, which is always kind of nice. We were outside talking sitting in the grass, why I do not know since we now have a tree swing. So we decided to go to the swing. He then said I will be right, and he ran into the laundry room and grabbed our tiki torches and put them out. It was nice, and relaxing. I love this man. He is always thinking about things like that. So here we are sitting in the swing and he is telling me all about his day and we start talking about the baby again. I tell him that while looking on my blog today I saw that we have 58 more days left until the due date and how it feels like it will never get here. That is how I feel, he on the other hand completely freaked out on me!!!!! I wish you guys could of seen his face. I think the reality of it is all crashing down on him.... LOL... All I could do was laugh at him.. He starts saying things like we only have three more paychecks before the baby comes and his room isn't finished and he doesn't have this and he doesn't have that. See I have been trying to get his attention on this on for the last 2 months and his focus has been on the boat and fishing. Which is fine, but I told him when it comes down to the last couple of days and he is running around scared just remember these conversations. He had them hit him in the face last night and all I could do was laugh. I may be frustrated with the situation but I know he will make it happen, it just could of been alot easier for him if he hadn't waited, but some of us need to learn the hard way right! Hope you guys have a good day!

Our last Mommy Talk :-(

2007-07-23T11:00:00.000-10:00

July 23: Grandparents: what is their relationship with your child(ren) and how do they fit into your child's life?

With Nathan my parents and my grandma were very important to him... We lived with my grandma as I told you before so you can only imagine how close he was to her, he would escape from my house and you would find a little boy with only a diaper on hitting her back door yelling "mamaw, mamaw come get me" Yes I received numerous phone calls while in the shower from my grandma saying "Michelle I am not sure but I think Nate is at my back door, I am going go check OK!" (Remember my grandma was blind so this scared her as much as it did me) We finally got some different locks on my apartment so he could not escape. LOL.. He never got hurt but I am sure I hurt his feelings a few times. My grandma passed away when Nathan was 7 years old and he still sleeps with her old quilt that she gave me and from time to time, he tells me how much he misses her, if he only knew how much I missed her. Its funny how its been 5 years almost since she past and I still feel like I need to call her and see how she is doing. I wonder if that will ever fade.
Well that was my grandma on my mother's side. My dad grandma was very loved and he knew her but we did not spend as much time with her as my other grandma mostly because dad comes from a family of 15 and with cousins all added up with spouses included we are standing at like 159 strong now and we have 2 grand kids and 1 great grandchild that are expecting. Yeah I know crazy right.

As for my parents, wow Nathan is my dad's little right hand man. I know that we are not suppose to have "our favorites" but when my dad is around Nate his hole face changes and he is in heaven. He once told me that if he could do it all over again, he would of had his grand kids first. I think he is so close to Nathan only because he was so sick when he was little and not to mention the fact that I was daddy's little girl. Hands down. My parents are great with Nathan, they do all the things they are not suppose to do, get him things that I told them not too. Send him entirely too money, baby him when he gets into trouble with us, and so much more. My mom needs the reassurance that he misses them so much more than my dad, she is always trying to make me feel guilty for moving so far away from them and taking him away from them while my dad just enjoys talking to him about any random thing that Nathan wants to talk about. I have watched Nathan sit and talk to my dad for hours while they both sit and watch a cartoon show, or dad just listens to Nate while he plays a video game. I do not get it, that would drive me crazy but dad just sits with him and plays along on the other line. It is really very funny! He used to go spend the summer with them. He is the only child I know that can go to see grandma with only 10 bucks in his wallet and come home with 200.00 in it and so many video games (that he knows he is not aloud to have). It drives me bonkers!

Now with child number two my mom is already pouring on the guilt trips with little comments like, "this one is not even gonna be our grandchild because we will never get to know him", or "he will be so afraid of us and he will want nothing to do with us" or my favorite "you two had better not treat this one any different than you do Nathan" yep you guessed it that one makes me very mad!!!!

As for Ray's parents and grandparents its a little easier, because both his mom and dad come from military families so everyone is used to it, unlike mine. His parents are real good about calling and they send cards with money in them for every single holiday, including the odd ones like Halloween, and Flag Day! LOL.....Yes I said a card and money for flag day. They all enjoy pictures and just talking to Nathan when we call and treasure the time that they get to spend with them.

Sorry if I sound so negative about my mom in this post, she is a good person, but she does not like change and she needs to be needed and the closer it gets to my delivery date the worse she feels. Then I go and suggest she comes out after the baby is born so mom and dad can spend one full week with Nathan while he is on break from school and one full week with the baby while Nathan is in school. Sounded like a good idea to me, but I think I only mad things worse for my mom. I honestly had good intentions when I suggested it. Now I have to try to fix this problem. Not to mention that the ticket prices drop down to like 500 bucks each which is so cheap for over here.

I have another doctor's appointment today so wish me luck, I have been having alot of contractions lately and the placenta is still in the way so I am not sure what will happen when I go, I have Gavin with me too and then to add on top of it, Ray is coming, so it will be a full house! LOL....

Internet Problems

2007-07-20T11:51:00.000-10:00

First I would like to point out that I changed my pregnancy ticker and it is now correct. Yes ladies I have only 58 more days left and I am so excited!!!!! I can't wait for this to be over. LOL.. I know I should be happy and love being pregnant but honestly that is not me. I do not like being pregnant and it does not like me.

Back to reality for now, I am sitting on eternal hold with sprint, my Internet provider. Holy cow it has now been 45 minutes! I have spoke to one person for her to send me to someone else for help.... Have you ever noticed that they always tell you they are experiencing higher than normal call volumes at this time. I really think that they just sit there and laugh and take bets on how long we will stay on hold!

I hope you guys have a good weekend

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I did it! I made it out of the eternal holding cell and I now have a functional Internet connection! Yesssssss!!!!!!

Remembering things from the past

2007-07-18T15:05:00.000-10:00

Today was a very hectic day for me. I had to run a bunch of errands and I had little Gavin, the boy I am baby sitting. He is only 17 months old and yes this is practice for me, but it has been almost 10 years since I have had to tote a diaper bag, a stroller and so many other things! Needless to say it was not much fun, but I am so thankful for my son. He is such a big help. He is truly going to be a great big brother! I am kind of proud of him, he changed his first poopie diaper yesterday with very little complaints. LOL....

I first took Nathan to a doctor's appointment this morning, he has been having problems with his allergies and it seems to be getting worse and I have been fighting this for 2 weeks now and its not getting better, so with an added fever and a "mom my ear hurts" I knew it was time to go in and get it checked out! The clinic on base was very good about getting him in on such short notice, and I am very glad for it. His diagnosis is a sinus cold, which we knew he had, but he has an ear infection in his right ear that is so bad, it looks like his ear drum will rupture. Now normally you would see the red ear and he would be screaming with pain but not Nathan, there are no symptoms other than a temp and him saying my ear hurts! Go figure! It always makes you feel like crap you know. So we now have him on an antibiotic so soon he should be feeling better. We then went to pick up the prescription and off to the FED EX office to mail out a package. Then to my doctor's office so I could fill out paperwork there to get all of my immunizations sent to them, then a real quick lunch to only get a phone call saying "hey the decals are finally in so you need to come up to the base to pick them up." So we loaded back up in the car and off to the base, to which I was told once again that I could not get my decal sticker! I am so over that! I now have to go to a different satellite city hall to get the proper paperwork that is needed. Which by the way I will do tomorrow, I refuse to do it today!

We then head home and try to take a nap, which means Nathan falls right to sleep (he really is not feeling well), and I try to get the baby to sleep and of course he was fighting it. I then remember how my grandma would put Nathan to sleep. She would put him in the "grandma death lock" as I called it and then she would hum three songs; The Old Rugged Cross, Amazing Grace, and then Praise God and by the time she was done he would have this look of peace over him and he would be out cold. It was so funny how he would do that every time, he could not fight it! So I kind of laughed and started doing what she did and by the time I got half way through with the fist song he had stopped fighting me and had that same look on his face that Nathan got. He too was out cold by the time I was done.

As I was laying him down I almost cried, I miss my grandma so much she truly was a remarkable woman and she loved my son so much her doctor said that he believed that he was the only reason why she lived as long as she did after she got sick. She was given only 2 months to live right before Nathan was born and my family without telling me had decided to put her in a nursing home. I found out by mistake and refused to let it happen. Yes I threatened my family by telling them if they did it they would never see me or Nathan again (I really meant it too) that they could figure something out until I was able to come home and stay with her. I think I told both of her sisters that they should be ashamed of themselves because grandma has taken care of both of them and there kids before and she has never asked them for anything and they could take a few weeks out of there schedules to help her for once. (my grandma was the oldest in the family) Long story short, I won, they all got together and made sure she got to stay at home until I could be there and when I brought Nathan home from the hospital her face lit up and she changed so fast, she had energy to do things and didn't seem as depressed as before. She would put him to sleep everyday for his nap and if he would sleep for three hours she would sit in her chair and hold him until he woke up. She refused to move and refused to give that up no matter how much I begged her to let me put him down.

I really miss her.

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Ok on to a happier subject. Ray took his 19 foot boat out last weekend to go fishing for the first time. He was a little worried about how she would do and he found out really fast that she did OK. They were (he took a friend with him) only gone for 6 hours that included travel time, trolling and the hour it took to get the 150 pound yellow fin tuna that they caught into the boat! No joke he once again caught a huge fish! We have talked to people that have lived on the island for 10 years and have never caught anything that size and he has been out twice and caught one both times.... How funny is that! Here is a picture of the fish at our house before they took it to have someone show them how to cut the fish up. We did not know how to fillet this thing! LOL I know that is too funny right.

The fish was huge. I think I may regret that he caught this thing because now he and his friends seem even more interested in doing this every weekend. I keep joking with him telling him, I see how this is going to work, I am going to stuck at home every weekend with the baby and he will go out and play with Nathan and the boys... He keeps reassuring me that he will not be like that and the funny thing is I believe him. He actually likes having me around... go figure. LOL..

I just got a phone call from Ray and I need to run his jeep up to base so they can do an inspection on it! Apparently he has had one too many of the marines get into trouble for not having the proper documentation for there cars, so now they are inspecting every ones! It should be fun... Since I know of 3 that do not have there current inspection stickers! FUN FUN!!!!

Mommy Talk

2007-07-16T11:18:00.000-10:00

OK FIRST THINGS FIRST HAS ANY ONE ELSE NOTICED MY BABY TICKER? IT SAYS THAT I AM 3 WEEKS AND 0 DAYS AND I HAVE 62 DAYS LEFT... WHICH I AM REALLY 31 WEEKS AND 1 DAY AND I HAVE 61 DAYS LEFT! SAD THING IS I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT WITHOUT CHANGING THE WHOLE THING AGAIN! GO FIGURE!

July 16: What sacrifices have you made as a SAHM or a Working Mom?

Well I can honestly say that I had forgotten all about doing this, then it hit me! Yes It has been one of those days.....

I was a single mom when I had Nathan so being a SAHM was not an option for me, I had to work. I was very lucky in that my grandma, who was my best friend, was getting over an illness and needed around the clock care. She was eligible for in home care and they would pay someone to do this for her. So I did it, I was able to keep my grandma out of a nursing home, which was very important to me, and at the same time get to spend time with Nathan as well. It was very good for my grandma and I would not of done things differently. It was convenient for everyone involved, my great aunts would help out when Nathan was sick, or needed to go to one of his endless doctor appointments.
When my grandma got to where she could spend the night alone I moved out of her house and into an apartment that was right behind her, so she would still have someone close by but she would have her independence too. Nathan and I were still over there everyday so I'm not sure how that worked out for her. I know she loved having him around. If I would take a shower and he would be asleep in his room he would escape from my house and run to hers. It was so frustrating, but we could not break him of it, (my grandma was blind so it got kind of scary for him to do that). I then started working with disabled children and did respite care with them. I worked with two foster kids, that lived in the same house and we all went to the same church so I would bring Nathan to work with me then, because he was actually good therapy for the kids! They loved him. Rodney was blind and had CP, along with fetal alcohol syndrome and a cleft lip and pallet and the list goes on, but he would hear Nathan coming up to the house and just start screaming and laughing, he couldn't wait for him to come inside and play with him. He became very protective of Rodney and Amanda if anyone even looked at the kids too long, he was telling them that they were ok, that they just were a little different, like Amanda hasn't learned to walk yet but she can clap her hands and then he would get her to do it, it was so funny to watch him with them. Its like this little three year old didn't even see there disabilities and he was trying to make everyone else understand it was ok.
I then started nursing school after taking care of the kids for 2 years and I had to put Nathan in daycare/preschool. Which he hated every minute of it. I loved being social but he hated that when we came home, I had homework and couldn't play with him like we used to. I would still make time for him, but it was different.
From then on out he has been in daycare and I have worked my butt off to make ends meet, when we moved to Florida, I hated it, I didn't get to pick him up until almost 6 and by the time we were home, dinner homework and a bath, it was time for him to go to bed and I was just exhausted. I hated it, I was always so stressed out because of money issues, and we couldn't always do the things that he wanted to do. We had fun but it wasn't easy. I then started doing a little in home care for an elderly lady and I would work my day shift job and then come and get Nathan do dinner really quick he would shower and I would be at her house for a 12 hour night shift, with Nathan. He would stay there with me and her family was great! They would take him everywhere with them and then I still took care of there mom and got to spend time with Nathan. I would make a pallet on the floor and he would sleep there in the room with me and then he would get up and then we would run get breakfast and then I would take him back to school, and I was off for my day time job. It was crazy for about 8 months like that.
Then when I moved to Virginia with Ray, I got to be a true stay at home mom, and it was nice to be home when he got home and there was less stress and I feel like finally at age 10 I got to enjoy my son again. It was nice, and even when I started working again it was easier, because I didn't have to work as hard and if I didn't want to work the extra hours I didn't, it wasn't that I had to so I could pay rent or something.
But when I got pregnant with this one and we moved to Hawaii, well I think that not working has almost drove me crazy! LOL I need to work! I am so going crazy in this house! I am baby sitting a little boy three days a week now but even with that, Nathan is gone all day playing with the neighborhood boys, which he has never been able to do before, so he is never home!!!! Makes me being a SAHM pointless, at least that is how I feel. I still never see him! lol....

With baby number 2 I think things will be much easier! I hope anyways, I'm not sure that I can do that with 2 kids.

It's time to relax

2007-07-09T10:04:00.003-10:00

We took Ray's dad to the airport Saturday night at 10:00 PM for his flight that did not leave until 11:30. Holy cow that is such a late flight but at least he was nice and tired and got to sleep most of the trip home! We had so much fun with him, Nathan is really going to miss him. Joe and Nathan really have not gotten a chance to spend much time with him, and this was the first time he got to spend alot of one on one time with Grandpa Joe. It was cute!

Joe arrived on the island on Saturday evening and Nathan and Ray went to the airport to pick him up while I ran out the the base to get us ready for the fireworks show they had out there for Bayfest. The boys got there just in time to listen to the ending of Gretchen Wilson's concert and to watch the fireworks. We then went home to get Joe settled in, we were all so tired that going to sleep was very easy for all of us!

On Sunday Ray still had his diving class he had to go to so his dad had to hang out with us, Nathan had decided that he needed to go to Pyramid Rock and go Boogie Boarding (Nathan's new favorite past time) so off we went, we loaded up the car and went to the beach The beach was beautiful! The waves were huge and it was nice ans warm. the boys had so much fun, Joe caught on to the whole concept and decided he was to old for that , he got pretty beat up by the waves! I on the other hand had gotten tired of only one side of my body getting sun, so I decided to dig a hole in the sand for my belly and I laid my blanket over it and ladies I got to lay on my belly! You do not know how happy it made me. I got the best sleep that I have had in the last 5 months! It was great!

Sorry I refuse to show the pictures that were taken of that day. Trust me when I say they were funny!

We came home and showered and I made dinner and after Ray came home we got ready to go to the Alan Jackson concert on base and it was so much fun. He had a good show and he really seems like a good guy! Just a good o`country boy type. We then got to watch another fireworks show. Needless to say we were so tired after such a long day that we came home and crashed. This is what I got. I asked a marine to get me a picture of him because he was so much taller than me and he then helped me get up on a chair to take one myself, then he realized that I was pregnant and tried to make sure that I did not fall by holding onto my butt! Needless to say the picture was no longer my focusThis was the picture of Nathan he was so tired and he fell asleep in his chair half way through the show! It was so late and he tried to stay awake but being in the sun all day, he could not do it any longer! LOL

On Monday Ray had to go to work and I had already promised to babysit a neighbors kid for her he is 18 months old and so much fun, so Joe, Nathan and I hung with a little one and lets just say that my house is not child proof! We then got a phone call from Ray and he told me that it was mandatory fun day at the soft ball field, so he needed us to come up there. So I packed some sandwiches and a cooler full of water and off we went. We met them up there and the boys all started playing softball. His marines always get mad at him because I am always bringing him food and snacks and all that and they do not get any of it, he won't share his goods, it is so funny! My husband is so spoiled! I hung out there for a little while and then the little guy was getting hot and tired so I left them there and we came home. I guess I will have to get used to that again. The boys including Nathan stayed out at the ball park from 1:00 until 7:45 that night, it was so funny to see them when they came home, so tired and dirty and everyone complaining of being in the sun too long and how bad they hurt! We then got ready and went out to eat at a local place here and I wish I had brought my camera because the food was a beautiful display of food!

Tuesday Ray and his dad spent the day riding motorcycles around the island and had they really enjoyed themselves, on Wednesday we did things around the house, like clean out the baby's room and put it all in the shed. Which was well needed, his dad helped Ray fix the shed so it wouldn't leak. And ladies we finally found out how has more junk ladies! Lets just say its not me! I was so happy for that moment...Then we went out on the boat and watched the fireworks again. On Thursday we got up real early and was at Pearl harbor by 7:30 in the morning, we waited in a long line for almost an hour then had our tour by 8:30 it was the first time we had been there and it was amazing. The tour itself is free but you can rent head phones that give you a better detail of what happened. It was so worth the 5 bucks each, I learned so much more this way. It was such a sobering thing to experience, here are the pictures that we took of each otherThat is such a horrible picture of the three of us, we are all doing different things. But you can see how big I am getting! This is a picture of Ray and his dad I think they look so much a like and this is a good picture of them.

Ok I need to go for now but I will finish my week later tomorrow. I need to go make lunch for Nathan and little Gavin, they are both hungry!

Mommy talk July 9th

2007-07-08T10:14:00.001-10:00

July 9: Your biggest challenge of motherhood: how things were when baby was first born, how things changed as time went on and what type of challenges are you facing right now?

My biggest challenge with Nathan wasn't the obvious, doctor appointments, monitors or surgeries and things that you would expect but it was making the doctors and nurses see that I was his mother and I was the one that took care of him not my mom. It was hard being so young and watching the doctors talk to my mom about my son instead of me, they looked at me like I had no idea what was going on, which in reality I would leave the office and explain it to my mom. It wasn't until I started getting vocal about it with the doctors and saying things like "look I am sorry but you really need to start talking to me and not my mom, she is grandma and I take care of him not the other way around." It started changing really fast after that! LOL
The challenges that I am facing now are making my mom realize that I am in control of what Nathan does and does not do and not her! LOL....Funny how things change isn't. My mom and I disagree on how to handle certain things and she likes to go behind me and get him what I said he could get or baby him and make things worse when he does get into trouble. Nathan is not stupid by any means and he has figured out how to play her! It is getting better. I think my mom just had to adjust to the fact that I am married and Nathan has someone else in his life other than me, my mom and dad, if that makes any sense what so ever. It truly is getting better and she is learning to back off and keep her opinion to herself (somewhat) when my husband and I punish Nathan for doing something wrong.

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-04T10:08:00.000-10:00

God Bless The USA Video

God Bless The USA lyrics - Lee Greenwood lyrics

Lee Greenwood Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

I know this is a oldie but I love this song the video is kind of funny to watch because it is so old... I wonder sometimes if he knew what kind of impact this song would have on people? Still to this day I get chills and get all teary eyed when I hear it and I find myself sqeezing Ray and telling him that I love him just one more time.

I hope everyone enjoys there day! Ray's dad has been in town this week so we are planning on getting in the boat and heading for the water, wish me luck, its gonna be hot today!

Mommy Talk July 2nd.

2007-07-02T19:03:00.001-10:00

July 2: How hard was it for you to lose your pregnancy weight and keep it off?

Now granted that I did not weigh very much before I had Nathan and that I was so young, it was very easy for me to loose the weight. I was so swollen after I had him I never thought that I would be back down to a "normal size" but to my suprise, I lost the weight in about 4 months. Then by the time he was a year old, I was down to a size 2! But when I hit 25 years old, my body thought that my metabolism needed a break and I starting gainig weight for the first time in my life! LOL.... So 11 years later, I start off my new pregnancy weight almost at what I weighed when I gave birth to Nathan. Yes that is still hard for me to get used to!

I wish I had before and after pictures to show you but they are all loaded up in boxes and I can't seem to find where they are at. I know that they are there just not sure where. Go figure.

Hope you girls enjoy the week.

I can't sleep

2007-06-27T23:25:00.000-10:00

Its only 11:30 but I can not seem to make myself lay down. Ray is out with the guys tonight and has not made it home. Am I annoyed by that? Normally no but tonight I am. I think it is just my current mood but I am so frustrated with him.. Lets just call it hormones shall we.

Have you ever had one of those days that you can't seem to make your mind stop working or thinking about a certain subject? I am having one of those days. I sit and I remember when I lived in WV and it was just Nathan and I, and we lived in a little apartment and we did not have much but we were both happy, and I wasn't always stressed out and here is the saddest part, I love being with my son, he didn't get on my nerves, I wasn't short with him and we just had fun, just the two of us. Then we moved to FL and things got harder and then I started feeling stressed all the time, and I was always worried about something, you know like how am I going to pay this bill or what am I going to do with Nathan this summer when daycare is outrageous and the killer was always my son deserves better how am I ever going to support him.

Its funny how we beat ourselves up isn't. Please don't get me wrong, I love my son very much and I love spending time with him, its just seems like when I get stressed out like that I want to just be all alone, I seclude myself and I feel myself shutting down emotionally. I am still there and I smile like nothing is wrong, but I have a blank screen on my side of the picture, I just disappear!

So here we are 5 years later and I find myself thinking I want to be back there, I want to find out how I can be that person again. I don't want to hear mom are you mad at me for something. I want to be someone who is full of life and enjoys herself truly and its not just Michelle putting on an act so everyone will think she is happy and got it together because that is no where close to what I am on the inside. I want to be someone who doesn't stress out about money issues so easily, I want to be the person who loves her kids and wants to do stupid stuff with them and not feel as if it is just one more piece of me being taken away.

I feel like such a horrible person for even voices these things I love my son and I love my husband and I feel like I do not deserve another child, what if I hurt him too? I know that I have hurt Nathan and he knows that something is wrong with me (that I am not happy like I was) and I do not have to even tell him, he sees through the smiles. I should say probably say that I am not always this stressed out and there are alot of times that I truly enjoy spending time with my son; and I am very happy with my husband and we all keep moving forward.

Wow don't I sound like a fruit cake! If you thought that I was a normal sane person before, well now you know the secret is out of the bag, I am a freak in disguise!

LOL... I am sorry for the meltdown, I just needed to get some random thoughts out of my head before I drive myself crazy.

On a funnier note, this is what Nathan told me tonight on the way home from Wal-Mart.
He was telling me about a friend of his whose grandparents spilt up and then all of a sudden his grandpa is gay and has a boyfriend that he lives with. He was very intrigued by all of this and thought it was a little odd but he was Ok with the thought, then he gets real quiet and says in a very serious voice, "mom I sure hope if grandma and grandpa get a divorce that grandpa doesn't turn gay!" I almost choked on my gum. It was so funny, he was so serious. My parents are no where near getting a divorce, they never fight and just the thought of him saying that was too much for me. I truly needed that laugh. I can't wait to call my dad tomorrow and tell him this one.

I'm not sure if I should say thanks for listening or I hope you didn't read this!
Goodnight!

2007-06-25T17:54:00.001-10:00

June 25: What was your favorite baby item that you could not live without?

My favorite baby item was the old cloth diapers. We used them for his burp rags, his bibs at times. He was a very messy eater and the cute little bibs that they had then just were not enough. I went through so many of those things before he got a litter neater, now I can honestly say that whenever I go to a baby shower, I include those as one of my gifts.

____________________________________________________________________________________

I would just like to say that we had the nicest weekend. It was so relaxing, on Saturday we got together with some of Ray's friends on base and went to Shark's Cove to go snorkeling, well they did the snorkeling and I did the basting in the sun thing, but it was very nice. The guys/girls had a good time snorkeling they got to see alot of sea turtles and lets not forget the jumping off the huge rocks into the water, I sat and watched from a distance and prayed that what my son hit would be water and water alone. (See I could not see what they were jumping into only that they were jumping, it was too dangerous for me to try to climb to the top)LOL.. But they all had fun and Nathan was so excited about the day. The only down side to the trip was that I got bit my a crab on my bottom while sitting on the rocks in the water! No joke the crab came up out of one of the holes I was blocking and pinched me, of course I jumped off the rocks and told everyone and no one believed me until they saw the crab run away and lets just say the crab was very kind to me because he could of hurt me with those things he had! He was too big for comfort! Then afterwards everyone came over to our house and we barbecued and had a nice little dinner to finish off the evening.
On Sunday I skipped church and slept in, while Ray and a bunch of the guys chartered a boat and went deep sea fishing. Nathan and I hung out here at the house and played games and went for a walk, that kind of stuff while they were gone, it gave us a little mommy and me time. The boys had so much fun and I got a phone call when they were like an hour from coming back in saying "please bring your camera we caught a big one." I laughed and said sure thinking this is going to be some BIG fish story that we get to hear. So we get there and they pull out this!

this "big fish" ended up being a 250+ yellow fin tuna! Holy cow. It makes all of the other fish look so little and the littlest one weighed 23lbs. By the way just in case your wondering the smalles fish that they caught is the size of fish that the big tuna was eating on! How crazy is that! They were all so proud! Since all fo the other guys lived in the barracks and just Ray lived out in town they did not keep the big fish they gave it to the guy who chartered the boat (since that was too much fish for them) and he took it to the market and ended up getting like 500 bucks for the meat off that thing! Isn't that crazy! The local restaurants are eating the tuna that they caught. LOL... Everyone was going crazy over this fish, I think every man within a 5 mile radius showed up to look at this thing, and all the while I was trying to hold my cookies because of the smell of the fish! They cut the other fish up right there for them and I wish I had pictures of what was there to eat the left overs (they just tossed it in the water) but I didn't not want to get that close to the smells. I think for me the worst part of the whole thing was watching my 11 year old son eat the fish that they had just sliced for him right there on the dock! They all loved it and said how good it was and I learning that this is a pretty common thing to do, I think my problem is that I just like my sushi on a nice plate of cabbage! We ended up letting the boys go home and take showers while my next door neighbors, who I love so much for this, helped me fix most of the fish Hawaiian style and we invited the boys and some of my neighbors friends who we know real well for a wonderful dinner! The guys loved it, we had everything from a salad (for me) all the toppings and raw, baked, fried, and grilled fish to poke (pokee) which is a raw fish mixture that the locals love here! The marines are not used to the Hawaiian culture so much because they only see the tourist side of it so it was nice to see them interact with the neighbors, they were like sponges taking in everything and asking all the questions like what is in this again? Like I said everyone had such a good time and we had so much left over fish that we are doing it again this weekend, with the crab and shrimp and some dishes that just plain scare me to look at! LOL
Then as if that wasn't enough this morning at 7 am the man across the street knocked on our door and said hey put on your suits were are going to the sand bar on the boat so come on lets go! And we did, we spent the entire morning out in the middle of no where, you take a boat out in the ocean and then all of a sudden there is one big patch of sand, the kids had so much fun, his wife and sat on the beach and played with there littlest one Joe, who is 2 while Rick and the Nathan and Jake (who is 4) went snorkeling and all kinds of stuff! If you ask the boys what was the coolest part they both say the puffer fish that they got too see! Go figure! The only bad thing is Ray has been wanting to go out the sandbar but we have not been able too so I had to call him while he was at work and tell him sorry I would not be there for lunch because I am on the island that you want to come see, he goes your with Rick and them aren't you and I said uh huh! You could tell he was jealous that were did that without him, I felt bad! But he went fishing without me right! LOL. Does that justify it? (He seriously was OK just not happy about being at work on Monday right!)
So that is it that was my weekend, it may have been busy for some but oh my goodness was it fun!
Now I just need sleep!

My daily events

2007-06-20T10:54:00.000-10:00

I have been so busy that I have not been able to stop for a minute and say hello to you....

It has been one crazy adventure after the next! Last Friday in between all of the contractions that I was having I found a job posting for the base that hubby is stationed at and it sounded really good, so I sent them my resume, stupid right, since I am 2 months away from birth here. But I did, then hubby calls and says those dreaded words "family day at the beach bring your suit and towels and meet me out there at noon!" Which means his company is having another picnic and they want family there, which also means he new and forgot to tell me until last minute. Gotta love that! So I load Nathan up in the car with all of the stuff that we needed, like towels, water, snorkel, fins, goggles, shoes, boogie board and the sunblock..... We get there and of course Nathan is the only kid there, as usual. So there goes my son with all of the marines, playing in the water, wrestling around, and hanging out as if he is one of the big guys. It is kind of funny and to be honest Nathan is in his element with them. I believe that sometimes he gets along much better with adults than he does with kids his own age and for that I feel guilty. Does this mean that I have robbed him of his childhood by surrounding him by adults? I had him at such a young age and when I go and spend time with my friends, there kids are either much younger or they still do not have any, which for the most case is the situation with the guys that Ray works with. As I have said before the guys are really good with Nathan and he has a blast when he is with them. I just get to spend my day saying "Nathan stop!, Don't do that!, Would you stop hitting him please!, Please leave them alone!" Then when I am looking in the other directions the big boys attack Nathan again. So I am seriously fighting a loosing battle here! LOL Ray just ends up telling me that when they are tired of playing with him they will let him know but until them let the big boys enjoy there time, they don't get to act like this unless Nathan is around them. Which only makes me laugh because when you look at those marines they are really having fun with him, at one point it was my 11 year old son and 5 men ranging from the ages of 21-28 out int he water playing what looked like monkey in the middle. All I could do was laugh..... BOYS! Later that night we took Nathan to the Planet Hollywood restaurant with some friends, the boys including Nathan rode the bikes to the restaurant. I would like to add that it rained on the way there so not only did the girls hear them laughing but got to sit beside them in the restaurant all wet! I was not impressed with the food, I think that it was over priced for the quality of food, it was definitely for the name and atmosphere and not the food.

Remember the contractions that I said I was having on Friday well the followed me to Saturday as well! We ended up spending most of our day working on the yard. Which was not much fun for Nathan, it is his job to mow the yard and he thought that it was going to be fun, until he had to mow for the first time. LOL. It didn't take long for him to figure out that it was not much fun for him. LOL. Then we decided to go for a ride to the other side of the island. Most of you can remember the show Magnum PI. Well it was filmed on this island, and you can still see there house and the helipad that they used, so we went to see if we could find the house, we did and I was so sad to see it, they lady who apparently owns the land has not taken very good care of it and it is really run down. It was kind of sad to see. It was high tide so we could not walk up the beach and see the land from there so we left a little disappointed. But it was still kind of neat to be able to say I have been there, we then went on up the road and went the the Sea Life Adventure Park, it is the Park that was in the Adam Sandler movie, 50 first Dates, it was also filmed on this island. It too was not what I expected. It was so small. Still neat to say I have been there! LOL.... Neither place was exciting enough to take any pictures of so I am sorry I have nothing to share! We ended up having a good day even though it was not what we expected.

On Sunday we decided to go to one of the little air force bases to see there beaches there and it was alot of fun... The one thing I have noticed here and I do not like, is that everything is dirty, like the beaches that the locals go to.... On your way into the base, there is alot of places that are open to the public and you can camp on the beach and so on, but the problem is there was so much trash there, it was along the fence line and so on, it was like they had this beautiful beach and all they did was trash it, but as soon as you crossed the gate, everything was clean and beautiful. We enjoyed our late afternoon there, I was still having contractions and not really in the mood to swim so there was this little channel that went way back in the woods, so we walked in the water and went way back in there which was very relaxing and alot of fun, then Ray when out in the ruff waves and tried to snorkel a little bit, which was kind of funny to watch the water was just to bad.
We were told that Kaneohe Bay has the best beaches on the island and so far I do believe that. The locals are always complaining because they are not allowed to use them and I can understand why it is frustrating to them. We have everything in one spot, one beach is the sound side, with little waves (great for kids), then you have the beach that is great for surfing, then one that is good for boogie boards, then the ones that you can go snorkeling on. It is really nice.

So by Monday I was tired and not looking forward to doing anything since the contractions were getting worse and my back was killing me, so I tried to take it easy. Remember that job I applied for, well they called me and told me that they really wanted me, it is basically a desk job on base in the pediatric clinic, I would still be nursing and get the Monday-Friday 8-5 hours, it is close to the house and it would be great for when after the baby is born, because either one of us could take the kids to daycare/baby sitter, since it is on base!!! The pay was great and I do not have to get a Hawaii State license with this job, so that is less money I have to worry about spending. Not to mention the amount of money that they will be putting in my 401K monthly is amazing. It is truly a job that I do not want to pass up! I texted Ray and told him all of this and then asked him what I should do, he said if I wanted it to take it, so I did! They offered it to me on the spot without seeing me and I told them that I was pregnant too and would need time off of work. I kind of freaked out and was shocked, you know that "did this just happen" kind of thing! So I called Ray back and let him know, then went and did all of my errands. I came back home and while I was cutting my son's hair, I thought that my water had just broken, I kind of freaked out and long story short, a hospital visit later I found out that my cervix was still closed and I have a very bad bladder infection and I am starting to go into preterm labor. Remember I just excepted that job! Holy Cow!

Tuesday I go see my OB doctor and they do all the tests that I needed like the glucose tolerance test, the H&H, and Lipid Profile Panel. Which is simply, too see if I am a diabetic, to check my iron level, and to see if I am spilling any protein and how much liver is functioning. If that helps at all.. I tell the PA about the visit to the ER and she then starts running more tests. I am not in preterm labor, which makes me feel better and my cervix is still closed so baby is not trying to come out soon! But and yes there was a big oh BUT she checked my amniotic fluid counts and I have very little fluid to protect the baby. So that means that I am in trouble with that. You need to be between 9-20 on the scale and I am barely a 9. So she freaked out on me and I have instructions to drink all kinds of water. Then come back in one week! She had me pretty nervous and then I come home and start reading up on this and find out why. I knew the obvious reasons, no room for baby to move around, no cushion in case of trauma and so on. But what I did not know is that it means, that your child has a birth defect, like something wrong with the heart, or no kidneys or blocked urinary tract and so on. They have told me that the chambers in the heart look good and no one has said anything else. So now I am so frustrated that I have researched this a little more, the only good thing I have found is that they can sometime correct the problem with fluids which has made me even more eager to drink more water and that this is the reason for all the contractions!

So there we have it, that has been me in a nutshell these last couple of days. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, and I would really like just one normal OB appointment please. LOL. I know things will be ok and I know that my life is in God's hands and I truly think that this is the only reason I can still laugh at this. I know in the long run we will be OK this is just a bump in the road.

Mommy Talk June 18th.

2007-06-18T09:55:00.000-10:00

June 18: How were your first few weeks at home? Sleeping, eating habits? Any baby blues/post-partum issues?

My first few weeks at home were spent without Nathan. He decided to stay at the hospital a little while longer (like 6 weeks longer). I stayed at the Ronald McDonald House which was across the parking lot from the hospital. But when he did get to come home the baby blues were long gone and the sleep deprivation was still there. I had to do feedings every 3 hours, which were mandatory and he only 30 minutes to eat 2 ounces. Which sometimes he could not do... It was fun to say the least, he also had the apnea issue, so he could not suck and breathe at the same time. Which led to alot of praying and me trying not to freak out when he would turn blue on me. I never had to do CPR on him but it came really close to it a couple of times. I would flick his feet to startle him into breathing and then he would cry and the process would start all over again. I look back now and laugh at that but at the time it was not so funny as you can imagine.

New Friends, Old Friends sometimes means new hurts and old hurts!

2007-06-11T17:17:00.000-10:00

When we lived back on the east coast, I had a job and I absolutely loved the girls that I worked with. There were 3 of them and we did so much together outside of work and so on. I loved them and I was so close to one of them I told her everything. Then I found out that we were getting stationed out here and we went to Florida to visit family before we left. Things were fine when I left and when I got back Nathan got sick and I had to stay at home with him a couple more days so I was not there, I called to see how my friend was doing and she was so short with me, I could not understand why but I didn't pay any attention to it. I returned to work a couple days later and she was still not being herself around me. Then all of a sudden the other two were acting just the same, so I ended up spending my last 2 weeks of work by myself. I got the cold shoulder from all of them and then they became down right rude to me, which in the long run, only made it easier for me to leave them...

I ended up just leaving as early as I could and so on, I would normally confront the situation but with everything that was happening at work and at home I just did not have the energy. I did email the girl and asked her what I did to her and what I could do to make it right. Which is normal for me. She never responded, so I left it at that. Then this week she emails me and tells me that it is in the past and she does not want to bring it up but she feels that I lied to her and again she said that she does not want to talk about it. The sad thing is that I did not lie to her about anything but at the same time, I feel like I have to respect her wishes, so I just emailed her back and told her that again I was sorry and so on.... It so frustrating, and not to mention that it hurts.

2007-06-11T17:03:00.000-10:00

Mommy Talk Question for June 11th

What was it like going home from the hospital for you? Did your baby have any medical issues?

Well I think that you have already been told the answer to this question. but just in case, I will say it again... Nathan was born 2 months early and only weighed 3 lbs. and did not get to come home when I did... I came home 8 days after I had him and it was the worst time of my life, I lived 45 minutes from the hospital that he was at and the Ronald McDonald House was full and I was on the waiting list to get a room there so I could be closer. So my mom and I made the trip everyday and stayed until they told me that I had to leave. LOL.. I eventually got a room at the Ronald McDonald House and Nathan came home 6 weeks after he was born.

I look back and even though there was nothing normal about my pregnancy with Nathan I would never change any of it, it definitely molded me into the person that I am today!

2007-06-07T13:06:00.000-10:00

I feel like all I do is complain and I hate that. So thank you for listening to me whine...

I am now looking for a job. I still do not know if someone will hire me when my due date is so close and then there is the question of will I be able to work up until the due date. As of now I feel fine, like I could work and it wouldn't be a problem. I know I could definitely handle working part time...

I do have a question I do not know if any of you have ever been on craigslist or not, if not it is kind of like eBay but you do not have to be the highest bidder to win, you just have to be first to call or email the person about the item. LOL! Well they also have a employment section on there and you can work from home doing data entry processing, which sounds good but I am afraid to do this. Is it real or is it worth my time, and they do not hold out taxes you have to do that and I am afraid of getting scammed. But then again how do you know if you are not willing to at least try....

Let me know if anyone else has tried these kinds of things before.

Getting caught up on my Mommy Talk!

2007-06-06T12:00:00.001-10:00

So since I have been without the Internet for a while, I thought that I would answer all the questions that I did not get too answer as well! By the way I have missed my computer while it was gone.... Its actually pretty sad how attached I am too this thing. LOL

May 21:
Baby Names on your list...
What name did you chose, and why?

This is so easy for me! LOL. With my first son I knew right away that I was having a boy, I could just feel it and I knew that I wanted a Christian name for him. I quickly came up with the first name Nathaniel but the middle name was a little harder. I didn't want it to be a very common name and I had thought of names like James, Allen and so on and then my mom said to be me one why don't you use your brother's middle name? The more I thought about the more I kind of liked it. My parents named my oldest brother Gary Wayne and he goes by Gary and then my little brother was Barry Wayne and he goes by Wayne. So my son became Nathaniel Wayne and he goes by Nathan or Nate! But if you would talk to his doctors when he was little they all called him "Nat" because he only weighed 3 lbs. and was 15 inches long and the name Nathaniel was just too big for him.

Now as for the second one it was decided for me. LOL. As soon as hubby found out that I was pregnant he started telling me that it was a boy, he was right, I was hoping for a girl... But he then told me one night while laying in bed that if it is a boy that he would like to name him Joseph Cale. Joseph is his father's first name and his as well. The name Cale is just something he liked. I understood why he wanted Joseph to be his first name and I was OK with that but Cale took a little while to get used too. I like it now and even though my due date isn't until September our child has his name picked out for him...

May 28Th
What was your favorite maternity "could not do without" items?
(pictures are always welcome :) )

I really do not know what my favorite item would of been with my first pregnancy. Does a toilet count? LOL. I was so sick with Nathan and I think I spent the majority of my time with the toilet. No joke....

So far with my second pregnancy the thing I like the most is shorts with elastic.... I did not get very big with Nathan because he was so early and not to mention all the bed rest I spent most of my time in PJs. But with this one, anything remotely tight across my tummy kills me... NO buttons, No zippers, just elastic please! The baby is so active that he moves around so much and I need something that will move with me... I know it is sad but it is the truth....

June 4th
Birth Story
(include photos, or whatever else you would like)

My first pregnancy was not much fun for me. Like I said he was early and it came with alot of complications and alot of doctors telling you that your baby only has a 45% chance of making it and you will probably will not get to see him because they will have to take him to the other room to work on him and so on.... And not to mention I was 18 and his father had decided he didn't want to be a part of our lives. I had 3 days of labor that was induced. With no pain meds and I thought I was doing fine, but the doctor kept trying to get me to take the epidural and he convinced me that it was a good idea by saying that I could be in labor for 3 more days I decided that he was on to something. LOL... I gave birth to Nathan before the thing kicked in which was pretty funny. They think that making me sit up (I wasn't allowed to move because of my blood pressure)was all I needed... Go figure! After 3 simple pushes I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was 15 inches long and weighed 3 lbs even like I had said before... His APGAR's were 9 both times. The highest score is 10. So he did very well and the only problems that he had were, apnea, he couldn't suck and breathe at the same time, and he had a hypospadius. Which have nothing to do with him being early... We came home from the hospital a month later with a apnea monitor and a very tight feeding schedule and was told that he would grow out of the apnea and that he would learn to suck and breathe on his own... The hypospauis repair and hydrocele repair were both corrected with surgery when he was 10 months old. I know that sounds really dreary but it is such a long story and that was just a preview of the tale... I love my son and would do it all over again but I will be honest, it scared me to death and I was so afraid to get pregnant again for fear that the same thing would happen again. I waited 11 years before getting pregnant and hope this one turns out better.

My second pregnancies has had a few bumps but it is nothing like my last one and I was even told at my last appointment that she thinks I have somewhat of a chance of having a semi-normal pregnancy.

Enjoying the peace and quiet!

2007-05-27T18:08:00.000-10:00

Today has been so nice. I try to take advantage of the quiet time that I get around here. That very seldom happens here lately. This weekend has been full of all the normal hussle and bussle... Friday we went to a going away party for a friend of Ray's on base. It was a nice. They all know that we have Nathan and most of the guys that Ray works with are not married and/or do not have kids, so there is usually alot of things that we do not attend because of this. But it was Matt's last weekend here and he wanted to see Nate too so he decided to do a bowling party so we would bring Nathan to it too. Which I thought was very sweet. These boys have taken Nathan under there wing and he is one of the boys and Friday proved that. It was such a nice gesture considering these boys are ranging in the ages of 20 to 29. You normally do not see that out of single marines. LOL... The evening was fun and I will admit, I was so tired when we got home. I was definatley ready for bed. I do not know if you are allowed to go bowling when you are pregnant and I went anyway with the stipulation that I did not lift a ball that was over 10lbs., like my doctor has ordered. I'm not so sure that baby new what to do with mommy bending that way. He kind of freaked out on a couple of times, so I slowed down and let one of the other boys play for a while..

As for the drama with the boat, Ray and one of his buddy spent all day yesterday trying to fix the boat. Did I mention that yesterday was Ray's birthday! He spent his entire birthday trying to fix that thing. He fixed the manifolds then tried to start it and it would not crank because the timing was off (whatever that means). He was so mad, that he just quit, unfortunately it was already 9 pm by then. He knew what the problem was and it was only going to take him a couple of hours to fix the boat this morning and then he would have the rest of the day to go out on the water. Well, you guessed it, he fixed it and then sprayed some cleaner into the fuel injector like the book said and it clogged them up so now he is at the parts store trying to buy this piece... Seriously girls, I think he needs to put the boat in the shop and let them fix the dang thing. LOL.. I think that is the only problem with being married to a MR> FIX IT, they have to fix everything by themselves. He complains about spending all his free time on the boat but when he you try to get him to stop to go do something else, he will not because he is focused on the boat! I give up! I am going to the beach with or without him tomorrow... If I know my husband, if he sees me packing up the car to go to the beach he will be following soon behind me...

I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your weekend...

continued

2007-05-25T09:44:00.001-10:00

Ok I thought that it was only fair to share the rest of the story with you guys so here goes!

On Monday I took Nathan to the Er because he had diarrhea and vomiting all day and could keep nothing else down including the high fever and the blisters and all that. When we got there I waited for 6 hours and watched this military doctor see patients in the waiting room when there was no need to do so.. he actually diagnosed the patients before seeing them. I was not comfortable with this at all not to mention how many HIPPA violations he just broke. But I guess in a ARMY hospital you can do that I do not know but I did not like it, he did take Nathan back to a room and told me that he had strep throat a double ear infection (without looking into his ears) Nathan told him my ears hurt a little. Asthma and the flu. He gave him some penicillin and an inhaler and sent him on his way. I thought to myself this is why people say this crippler instead of its real name. So yes I kept his doctors appointment for the following day...

On Tuesday his temp had gone down, and when we got there she actually did a throat culture and it came back that he did not have strep, his ears were not red, so no signs of infection, she did agree that he had asthma, which we already knew but she decided to do a chest X-Ray to see what was going on and she showed me the pneumonia he had in hi lower lobes and yes he did have alot of junk down there, which is why is cough is so productive.... I could not believe it! She then gave him a different medicine and a follow up appointment. I left there feeling more confident that it was taken care of.

On Wednesday I had my OB appointment where they told me that they would be checking the placement of the placenta, so I brought Nathan along to see the ultrasound since he had never seen one. When I got there, she did not know about my ER visit, not sure why I called her office to tell them, if they do not follow through with the message. But anyway she then tells me that she was not going to check placement yet, but because of my complications she was going to check the fetal heart rate and then do another culture to see if there is an infection and to see if I have started going into preterm labor.... Remember I have Nathan with me... So he listens to the heart rate and it is too low. Like 100 beats per minute.. It should not be below 120. So Nathan gets scooted out of the room and they do all the other tests. They then hook me up to another machine and Nathan gets to see his ultrasound while they were looking for my cervix's. Long story short, my cervix is shrinking but is still closed and the heart rate was actually 150 beats per minute and the baby was fine. It just means that I might go into preterm labor, so I am back to every two week appointments for lab work. Not a good day for me to bring Nathan to the appointment with me.

Its now Friday and Nathan is feeling much better. He is back to driving me crazy because he doesn't want to stay at home any longer, he is bored... LOL He feels much better....I am nice and rested up and I promise I am finished with the complaining to you.

Thanks for listening to me....

Oh my goodness I forgot the funniest part about my weekend! On Saturday Ray had arranged it so a group of his co workers to get together to go out on his boat, no problem right. Wrong! We all went out on the boat (I was hoping that the cooler air would bring down his temp,which it did) but then his boat over heated and we sat in the bay for over an hour before someone helped us get back to shore! The boys spent the rest of the day trying to fix the boat, they thought that had fixed the boat and then took it out Sunday afternoon without me this time. The same thing happened but they each had to take turns pulling the boat in... I believe that Nathan laughed the whole entire time it took them to get back to shore!

Ray thought that he had fixed the problem again and yep you guessed it when he took the boat out again yesterday the same thing happened, he now has fixed every possible thing that could be causing the problem except the manifolds and of course they do not make the part that he needs anymore, he will have to get a conversion kit to fix the problem! Which is not cheap by any means.

Have you ever been busy doing what feels like nothing?

2007-05-24T11:36:00.000-10:00

That's me!!! I have been so busy since last Monday and I feel like I have done nothing at all. I had so many errands to run that I completed, but the home life was so hectic. This is a picture into my life:

last Wednesday Nathan comes to me and says mom my throat hurts, no big deal right, he just came back from the Big Island and it is alot colder there than here so it would be expected to get a little cold, so I do not worry about it.

On Thursday I start bleeding again, and I was cramping so bad that my whole leg was hurting really bad. So I tried to hold off on going to the doctor and then I noticed that the baby had stopped moving, I hadn't noticed him move in over 4 hours. I should feel like 10 movements in an hour. So I call hubby while he is on his way home and told him that I was leaving Nathan at the house and that he does not feel well and I think he is getting a fever. I had given Nathan some medicine for the possible fever just in case and went ahead and went to the ER, I knew if I went they were going to tell me the same thing that they did last time and I was not wanting to go and sit there all night, but I did. I sat there for 6 hours and in the meantime Ray came to the ER with Nathan and told me if I was ok then he had to go back to work, so that left Nathan with me in the ER. Not much fun, but I knew that there was nothing that he could do at that point and I really do not like having alot of people in one small room like that so told him that I would call him if we knew anything different. So Nathan now has a full blown fever of 103.6 and has curled up on the little bed with me and went to sleep. I did the ultrasound and all of the other tests with Nathan asleep curled up in my arms. The techs thought it was so funny, I was not as amused! It ended up being that the baby was fine, he was just being lazy and that I had a really bad bladder infection again. This is now the 5 one that I have had. So I was put back on meds and told to follow up with the doctor on Friday.

Well by Friday Nate had told me he felt much better and that he wanted to go to school and since he had no temp I let him and then at 10:30 he was home again with a high temp. This time he is still complaining of a sore throat, but his throat only looked a little irritated and no blisters, so I started treating him for a cold, just some ibuprofen for the aches and pains while his temp was up... No big deal right, wrong, Ray had a family picnic that we had to been seen at, we all love these kinds of functions right. So we went and by then Nate's temp was gone again and he felt fine, so he played with everyone for 4 hours and he played hard! LOL It really was a nice time...(By the way I called my OB and told them what had happened and they agreed that if there were no new complications and I felt Ok that there was no need to come in again and to keep my appointment for the following week)

Ok I just lost the whole entire post! This is all that is left and trust me my week got so much worse, it had broken boats, stranded in the bay, a sick kid, a ER visit for me, a ER visit for Nathan and very sick kid, and an appointment for Nathan and I both that was not good.... I just do not have the energy to write this all over again... Talk to you soon....

Mommy Talk

2007-05-14T08:26:00.000-10:00

I came across this blog last week and I thought that it was so cute so I decided to join in this week! It is simply mommies talking about there pregnancy past or current. If you would like to join in or you would just like to read more stories the link is in my side bar under Mommy Talk.

The question is: Did you find out the sex? Why or why not? honest...did you have what you were hoping for?

I was only 17 when I got pregnant with my son, I was just out of high school and was enrolled to start college in the winter semester when I found out. I will never forget calling my mom, crying telling her what was wrong (I had already moved to the town that I would be going to school at and was working there until I started). I also had to tell her that my boyfriend at the time had decided he did not want to be a part of this and had left. Her only words were let me tell your dad and I will call you back. That was the longest hour of my life. I was and still am my daddy's little girl and he called me back and said its ok we will get through this, but you are coming home back your bag. I simply said OK! I was so scared. LOL...
Even though things were not like I had planned, and I had so many complications with him and I was not in denial I knew what I was getting myself into. I was still excited about my baby. I could not wait to find out what I was having, I was so excited about finding out that I could not have waited until my due date! I will admit that I knew right from the start that I was having a little boy, I somehow just new. I always referred to the baby as him or he. I only picked out a boy's name, I could never settle on a little girls name and when we finally got the ultrasound to determine the sex it was indeed a little boy! My mom was with me and she said "your dad will not believe this" I still laugh when I see the picture, the doctor circled it because my dad wanted a grand daughter so bad, and was just determined that it was definitely a little girl! So the doctor took a special picture of the baby with a note on the ultrasound that said "Sorry grandpa but I'm a boy and circled his private parts for him." My dad cherished that picture and could not be more proud of my son. He is truly my dad's pride and joy. On February 17, 1996 I gave birth to Nathaniel Wayne, he weighed 3 lbs and was 15 inches long. And today 11 years later I put him on an airplane to go to the Big Island for an over night field trip with his school. Where has the time gone...

Now with this pregnancy, my husband wanted to know what we were having but I wanted to wait this time and be surprised. I wanted a little girl so bad, this time. My friends did the ring test and said that it was a little girl and everyone said "I think you are having a girl" but my husband kept saying it is a little boy.
I had some complications on Easter Sunday and had to spend the day in the ER and when the tech came and got to get the ultrasound, I had no idea that he would then say those words, "Do you know what you are having?" My response was, "No" he then said "Well would you like to know?" I couldn't resist, so he told me without my husband being there. I am having another boy! I will not lie I am so happy about this and my husband likes to gloat that he was right! My due date is September 16th and although the picture was pretty clear we will see then if it was right.

Pictures that I promised!

2007-05-11T10:08:00.001-10:00

Well as you know, we finally got all our of belongings here on the island, minus the boat. Which only means that we have to make room for everything! Which by the way is not happening... I am so upset over this.. Our stuff does not fit in this house. We knew we would have to get a different TV and things like that, but oh my goodness. The baby's room may not be just the baby's room and I am so upset over this. I know we have time to figure this out but not so sure that it will help things any! Ray is building the storage building outside, you know the one I said we needed instead of that stupid chicken coop! Which by the way here is the picture of it completely finished in our backyard, You can see our neighbors fence in the background, that is the fence that we had to pull all of the weeds from, you honestly couldn't even see the fence, so it looks so much better back there! We are still trying to get some grass to grow back there so we can then plant the flowers! I am so excited about that but one thing at a time right! First the house!

So just a real quick run down of how things have been here at our house: We received a call Monday evening telling us our belongings would be delivered on Tuesday afternoon. We still had all of the temporary furniture that the base had provided in our house, we had to get it out before they could bring our stuff here, so I make a mad dash to call TLA to have them come pick up our stuff. NO GO OF COURSE!!! They politely told me to leave it sitting in the front yard and they would come pick it up one day this week! Did I tell you that it rains here everyday? It does! So I call a friend who works on base who knows a guys who knows someone kind of thing and within 1 hour that problem was solved, the delivery guy agreed to come pick up our stuff at 0730 the following morning as a favor to the friend that I know! (You do not know how many times I have thanked my neighbors for introducing us to so many people who work on base, it is nice to have inside connection)
Tuesday arrives and the delivery man comes and picks up our furniture and gets it out of the way! So I then sweep and mop the floor one last time before the truck gets here, looking back that probably wasn't a good idea. The floors are so dirty now and it is driving me crazy! Here are a few pictures that I have downloaded to give you an idea what I am dealing with. It is so crazy around here>I am learning that it is the little things in this house that I did not notice when we had absolutely nothing in here, like the fact that in the kitchen there is no place for a pantry. NONE!!! You have to use the cabinet space which wouldn't be that bad if there were more than 5 cabinets in the kitchen, including the one under the sink! So we have no space for our kitchen cookware. Not to mention we only have two small shelves for our utensils. And I do mean small, I had to go buy little storage containers to put our utensils in because a tray would not fit in the space provided and our knives and such are still in a box waiting to find a home along with the measuring cups, and spatulas and more! They are still homeless. So no go on completely unpacking the kitchen, the attached dinning room has too many boxes so our table is still sitting in a corner and to be real honest with you each room in our house has a dilema attached to it. But I am certain if we tackle each room at a time we can beat this house! I know we can!

Something to think about before using chapstick!

2007-05-08T12:09:00.000-10:00

So, at the time of this story we had this great 10-year old cat named Jack.
Jack was a great cat, and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and
nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this
mat in our bathroom.

Well, we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3
years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
chapstick.
LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing it. So finally
one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chapstick and how he
could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in
the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try
to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are
fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one
at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and
everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and
the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and and the baby loaded in the car, and I am
looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere, and I finally round the corner
to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my chapstick
very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and
said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their
little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to
mind.

And the only question really to ask at that point was whether it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind -- or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever, because it reminds us that
no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures,
there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chapstick
on the cat's butt.

Now I know that this what not what you expected but you do have to admit, you kind of chuckeld when you read it! I am sorry I just could not help but share this email that I got today! Hope you ladies are having a good day! I am waiting on our stuff to get here, they said between 11:30 and 2:00. It is now 12:12 and I am still waiting!!!!

Hey if you get a chance swing by Charla's and wish her a happy birthday!!! (Her link is in the side bar!) Since Steve is gone this month its just her and the kids.

FRUSTRATION!

2007-05-07T12:45:00.000-10:00

Sorry but that picture is funny, I couldn't help myself. With the morning I have had I need that picture!!

I have spent my morning fighting with this computer! I am trying to change my resume around, I have used the same one since 2001 when I got my first nursing job. Well since I am trying to find something with a little less stress and allows me to sit instead of stand all day I have to change it around. How do you change a resume around when it looks like the only experience you have involves nursing. NOT SO EASY I TELL YOU!!!

I started my doing a simple search on Google "free sample resume templates" holy cow the things it made me do just to get a sample of something that would work. I finally found one and since my computer does not have the right program on it I was going to email myself a copy of my updated resume. I finished the dang thing and then tried to send it to myself and it booted me off!! GRRRRRRRR!!! Since I was emailing it to myself of course it did not save it! I just wrote the second one out! lol Yes I gave up!

Then I tried to find a sample cover letter so when I go to the library and type it our in Word Perfect of Microsoft, I can then email it to myself and save it to my computer at home. Again the same problem.... So what should of only taken me 20 minutes, it is now 3 hours later and I do not feel like going to the library to do this.

I then get a call from Ray saying hey all of our stuff is here, YEAH I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!! Which soon dies when he tells me they are delivering it tomorrow morning, and we have to get rid of the temporary furniture that the base let us use before we can get the our stuff in our house! Not to mention, that we do not have enough room in this house for all of our stuff!!! No way no how! It is so much smaller than our old house.... I'M NOW FREAKING OUT!!!! What to do....
This weekend Ray and Nathan decided to build a chicken coop and then buy /get some chickens for eggs! Why I do not know, but we now have a chicken coop in our back yard, with no chickens! ( I am not sure if you know this or not but chickens run wild all over this island. They are everywhere. We have chickens in our yard every morning, you can be going down the highway and just see families of chickens hanging out on the golf course or where ever. I will admit this is kind of funny to see. But you are not allowed to kill them or harm them in any way, but you can get them and put them in a chicken coop if you like)I kept telling him that we needed to be making a storage shed for all of our stuff and not this coop, but no noone listens to mom! I take all the fun out of it! LOL Who is laughing now! So anyway it is now Monday and we have a chicken coop, no chickens and no storage!

So I do not need to worry about not wanting to go to the library because now I can't! OH and one more silly thing: I had made arrangements for the phone company to come out and hook up my home phone, so she said oh there is no need for them to come out to your house it will be hooked up on Monday by noon. So I go to plug in my phone to see if it works.....THERE ARE NO PHONE JACKS IN THIS HOUSE!!!! NO JOKE. I now have a home with phone service that I am paying for and no jack to plug into the phone. Again see above picture! LOL It will cost them 95.00 to come out and install the phone jack! So Mr. Ray gets to do that tonight!

Well I hope you at least got a good laugh out of my day (and its only noon here)! I am off to try to get my house in some kind of order for what will happen tomorrow!!!!

Look for the pictures of our chicken coop so to come!

How I spent yesterday

2007-05-04T08:15:00.001-10:00

I spent my yesterday like so many others, praying for Heather. I have not been following her story very long, but she and her family have definitely changed my life. They are a amazing couple. I found myself leaving my computer on so I could run by real fast and see if there were any updates on the surgery. The last thing I ready said that she was out of surgery and could move her arms and legs, which to all was a great relief for all.Her husband, Mark, was waiting on her to wake up to see how her speech was. I pray that everything will work out!

This is how I spent the rest of my day!!! My son went to the symphony with his school yesterday! This was Nathan cheesing before he left for school... He is such a goober, he gets that from me!!!! Now I do not understand why standing in front of my closet and laughing at yourself is so much fun and oh don't let me forget writing on the mirrors after you blow on them, but my son loves doing this....

But my biggest question of the day is: Why is putting on a gas mask so much fun when the person who used went into the gas chamber today and well blew snot all over it?!? They both got a kick out of him putting that thing on last night and watching Nathan say things like this thing stinks and it burns a little bit (you think) then the coolest part about it was he got to drink out of the mask!!! Totally made his day!
Some things a mother will never understand!

2007-05-02T04:41:00.000-10:00

Ok so I have been talking about putting pictures up of my new surroundings and I finally got around to putting a few of them that we took on base this weekend. They are not the best pictures but it is a start! Wish me luck with these because we all know how challenged I am!!!!

I will be posting more pictures later and I promise to have some of the new house up then too! Talk to you girls soon and I hope everyone is having a blessed day!

Awakened

2007-05-01T11:11:00.000-10:00

I have been reading a blog by Heather some of you may know her, her blog started about her daughter who has a congential heart defect. Heather just recently found out that she herself has a brain tumor. She and her husband are now in MN, I do believe ,waiting for her surgery on Thursday. I spent 2 hours on her blog, just reading and crying and in complete amazement at the strength that this family has. They are truly a amazing family, while reading her blog, I found myself again feeling that tug from God. It has been so long since I felt that tug, my heart began to cry for other reasons.
In reading her amazing story I started to change, my desire came back, I am not saying that I walked away from God or that my beliefs had changed but I did get lazy. Then last night while I was sitting on the couch with Nathan a commercial came on with praise and worship music and it was a song that Nathan loved and I simply said do you ever miss that, the music and going to church all the time? He said NO! As a mom I can not tell you how bad that hurt me. What am I doing to him? Because I got lazy, he has no desire to be in church! Now I know that some of that is his age, most kids try to rebel at his age and further into his teenage years but wow what a shock that was. I think the worst thing is, I am having another child and if we do not change things now, this one will grow up not being in church with very little foundation! I am not OK with that at all. Nathan had time every night when we read the Alice in Bible land stories before bed and all he wanted to watch was Veggie Tales and listen to his "church songs" as he would call them. LOL (kids CDs) and to have this one grow up any different just isn't ok with me. I have kepted all of those books, movies and some of the CDs so I will at least have those. That was actually a must when we moved out here, we (Ray and I) had a disagreement over bringing all of the "kids stuff" he said we could just get more books and I said no, they are coming with us, all of them... I did win that one and they are coming here and we probably could of left some of them back in FL, since Nathan did have such a big collections but oh well its too late now.

So my search for this week is to find a church to attend here that we like. Ray is not "into to going to church" as he would say it. He believes in God but just doesn't like going to church so please pray that I will find something that he will like to attend as well!

Updates on baby

2007-05-01T10:30:00.000-10:00

We went yesterday to get the 20 week ultrasound, the one that tells the sex of the baby and checks how the development of the baby is going. After drinking all that water and feeling like I would explode, we found out the following:

---we are definitely having a boy!

---he is bigger than what he should be, so they have moved my due date back to Sept. 16th (every day counts)

---he is developing with no problems

---his heart looks great! his heart rate was a little low but no big deal!

---the big one is---my placenta is not covering my cervix and according to the tech and the reports that she has, it never was! So either they are wrong or the doctor was wrong! Now we are waiting to see which one was right!

I was never told at the ER that, the placenta was the cause for the bleeding, we never found that out until we went to the first OB appointment. We are both very impatient to see what the doctor has to say when we see her in 3 weeks..

As soon as I can talk to Charla I will change the due date on the ticker, I can not do that! If you noticed there is no music its because I tried to change the songs. LOL Oh there on there, they just won't play and I can not get the names of the songs to show up! So yes Charla will have to spell it out for me! I am so sad when it comes to computers!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The music works! I am so happy! The names of the songs are Can you hear her by Casting Crowns and then Arise by Shane and Shane! Now I just have to find out how to change the names on the bottom, that shouldn't be that hard right!!!!

And I so figured out that baby ticker thing all by myself! I am so proud! But I still can't get the names of the songs to show up!

My latest appointment was a waste of time!

2007-04-26T10:52:00.000-10:00

Ok I had told you guys that I was to be seen by my OB in two weeks to check the placement on my placenta (to see if it had moved) which is what we were told would happen. Well we get there and an ultrasound never happened. She decided to wait 4 more weeks to see if it has changed any, and if it hasn't then I start the bed rest and so on. But in the meantime, I had to give some more blood to see how many kidneys and liver are doing, which she said I will do every 2 weeks until I deliver. She is also making me collect urine for 24 hours, which by the way is so much fun! This is just to make sure that my organs are not in any danger. So at least I can say that she is trying to prevent Help Syndrome from hitting me again... Which I am thankful for... She told us that I am showing signs of distress now and if we can keep my blood pressure under control hopefully it will not get that bad this time...
So are you saying what was the good news? I can say that the baby is still moving around alot, she could not get his heart beat because he would not stay in one place long enough to time it... Which was kind of funny! Ray had never heard the baby's heartbeat before, so he enjoyed that. He has only been there for the ultrasounds, go figure! She also told me that I am loosing weight instead of gaining (I have no idea how) but that the baby is measuring bigger than he should be, so it is ok that i am not gaining, but we need to keep an eye on that as well... Girls I am telling you I feel like I eat all day long... I eat a healthy breakfast, then around 10 I eat a snack of some sort, yogurt, fruit or something, then I eat lunch around noon or so then a snack with Nathan when he comes home from school and then dinner... I am eating, so I guess the baby is taking it all from me.. the little pig!
Oh I almost forgot, I did ask if I could go back to work and I was told yes, but I can not lift anything over 20 lbs, I can not push anythign over 10 lbs, and I have to be aloud to sit every 4 hours and put my feet up so I can rest for 20 minutes! I was like I am a nurse how is that possible, she said yes I know but you have to be able to do that. Ray and I just looked at each other and laughed, we both know that is not going to happen... I think what I will try to do now is get a secretary job of some sort! I really do not know what else I can do at this point! But at least this may get me out of the house for a little bit until the baby is born!

why does the weekends go by so fast?

2007-04-23T13:25:00.000-10:00

I was sleeping so well this morning when I got such a rude awakening. The alarm clock ringing at 4:45 am. I was like what was that? Hubby simply said it is time for me to get up, I had to laugh because I truly thought that it was Sunday!!! But when realty sunk in, it was off to the normal routine....Yuck!

We had such a relaxing weekend. We finally got all of the weeds out of the back yard on Saturday! Yeah! We had to go rent a garden tiller for 4 hours to get the soil ready to be treated one last time, just in case we missed any roots. Then in three weeks we can start putting grass out!!! I know it sounds so simple but I am so excited about this.. When it gets healthy back there, I can start planting flowers and make it look pretty.. I don't want to do this until we make sure all the weeds are gone. So then they don't kill my plants that I just spent money on....
Sunday we spent the day on base, we went out to the cabanas to go spear fishing... Nathan's first remark was it feels like we are going home. LOL. We stayed out at the cabanas for a little over a week, when we first got here. Hubby met a guy at work who likes to spear fish as well so off they went, with sun block, and Nathan went off into to the water to do a little bit of snorkeling by himself with sunblock. While I got everything ready on the beach and lay out our blanket and sat down to enjoy the peace and quiet and possibly get a little sun but after doing all that I forgot to put sunblock on myself... I normally do not burn and I am used to the beach so the sun is my friend for the most part. But I was told that while you are pregnancy that you will get burned more easily. OMG I am freaking toasted!!! I do believe I was 15 minutes away from having blisters!!! My face, arms, tummy and legs hurt so bad!!! Only thing that is funny is that it is all on my front side, there is a definite line from front to back... Holy cow what was I thinking... LOL All I can do is laugh or I will just cry! No amount of aloe will help this...

So when we got home and showered and we all settled down, and I realize how bad the situation is, Nathan goes outside to play with his friend and within 10 minutes I get this scream that all mothers dread. "MOMMMMMMMY ! IT HURTS I CAN'T BREATHE" he got into the house and all the neighbors were out to see what had happened, to make sure he is OK, so there is my 11 year old son in the kitchen floor with the door open wide screaming at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear, I tripped over the root and fell onto a log and hurt my ribs, I can't breathe! He wouldn't even let me look at! He had a huge scratch on his chest wall and it without a doubt hurt bad! I finally got him to calm down and we put some ice on it and he finally got his breathing under control! I wasn't sure at first if he had broken a rib or just bruised it really bad, but after the ice had been on there for a little while the swelling was completely gone and there was no signs of damage there. I checked on him twice last night just to make sure I was right and he did fine, I even caught him sleeping on it last night, which confirmed it for me.
But this morning he acted like someone had tried to kill (I know it probably still hurts) but when your son can put his hands behind his head and do a full body stretch and cough he did not break a rib! He sure tried to get me to believe it though. I am sure it had nothing to do with not wanting to go to school this morning right... That one scared me I will be honest....

As far as the job goes, I am waiting to see what the doctor says on Wednesday!

Questions I can not seem to find an answer too!

2007-04-19T10:31:00.000-10:00

As I had told you guys my last doctors appointment did not go as planned and now since the cramping has not gotten any better, maybe a little worse I am assuming that my placenta has not moved up any at all... So now I find myself stuck. Do I continue to look for a job for the doctor to only tell me sorry you are on bed rest now you can't work, or do I find something. And if I do then do I find something that is part time or full time. And if i do look for a job, do I look for something in the nursing field that will require me to be on my feet all day and all the heavy lifting that will be required? I really do not want to stay at home all the time, its been three weeks here and I think at some points I am loosing my mind. LOL Just ask Charla she knows. I have her scared. LOL...
Ray is of course no help here, he wants me to work for my sanity(he knows I do not like being at home all day everyday, I like to work) but he doesn't want me to work and then hurt the baby too, so he does not have any suggestions other than " what ever you feel like you should do we will be fine money wise either way" No help there right! My mom says stay at home only because of the pregnancy I had with my son. I was put at high risk around my fourth month. then on bed rest at home for a month (I had bathroom privileges only) then in the hospital for a month before I had him at 7 months... So they have legitimate concerns there.
I am so frustrated! I wish my next doctors appointment didn't feel like it was so far away. By the way it is only next Wednesday but man it feels like its a month...
Any suggestions? You can go ahead and tell me that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and I need to wait until my next doctors appointment, I will understand. i do this from time to time when I have entirely too much free time on my hands... LOL

Stairway to Heaven

2007-04-18T08:40:00.000-10:00

Having seen this stairway with my very own eyes, this mans story is so funny to me, becuase I can only imgine how he would of felt. This is no joke, this is actually one of the first things that we saw when we were heading to the base for the very first time. It goes up the mountain beside the interstate. I could not believe my eyes when I saw it, and I will admit the very first thing that goes through your head is I want to do that. (mine left real fast, but the thought was there) I have enclosed a little bit of history of the stairs at the bottom...

Falling from the Stairway to Heaven

After spending three years in Hawaii, I am often asked what was the most difficult and challenging hike I completed. My response normally entails a narrowing of the eyes, followed by a far off look with my voice becoming extremly grave. On occasion, I've even been told I look like a Vietnam veteran going through some kind of horrendous flashback.
The hike was the "Haiku Stairway," as the locals tend to call it. Everyone else on the face of the planet simply refers to it as the Stairway to Heaven.
On my first attempt, I was unable to finish the hike and it almost killed me.
Interesting factoid, the stairs were featuered in an old episode of the classic Magnum P.I. TV show staring Tom Selleck.
And since so many unusual events took place around the time I first attempted to climb Stairway to Heaven in April of 2005, I think it's only fair to recount the experience using a chronological format:
Thursday 10am-4pm: Waste away at beach

Thursday 5-8pm: Cook salmon dinner for friends in celebration of best friend's fiancé whom has just flown over from Utah. Decide to go hiking at 2am in morning.

Thursday 8-10pm: Quickly finish up senseless internet work. Chew out boss yet again. Contemplate quitting for millionth time since already have two jobs.

Thursday-Friday 10pm-2am: Decide sleeping till 2am would be pointless. Instead play video games on XBox. Hope my friend Ben back in Kansas would be proud. Begin feeling sick with extreme cold symptoms. Gulp down two tablespoons of Dayquil.

Friday 2am-3:30am: Depart for Kaneohe in back of truck -- hillbilly style. Destination: The Stairway to Heaven. 3,922 rickety metal stairs leading up the side of a sheer cliff.

Friday 3:45am: Hop first two fences. Am told by friends hike is technically "illegal." Am told locals hate hikers and endeavor to make life difficult for us. Discover shortly thereafter locals have trucked in a butt-load of bamboo shucks to make jumping tallest fence next to impossible.

Friday 3:48am: Laugh at the local's stupidly. Get to top of fence within 3 minutes in spite of bamboo.

Friday 3:49am: Jump fence only to discover hidden barb wire on the other side. Barb wire tears my favorite hiking pants in two places, makes a huge gash in my kneecap. Say silent prayer hoping chicks really do like guys with scars as I have just added my 5th one.

Friday 3:59am: Assure friends wound isn’t bad given amount of blood lost – feel very fortunate to have had a tetanus shot within last 8 months. Finally get to base of stairs. Begin hike.

Friday 4:15am: Discover hike is a lot like a supercharged version of the Stairmaster -- only this one forces you to go for 1.5 hours before you're done.

Friday 4:25am: Feel sick. Really sick. Nausea sets in. Become really dizzy.

Friday 4:30am: Stop climbing altogether. Hang onto mountain side for dear life.

Friday 4:31am: Begin puking.

Friday 4:36am: Still puking.

Friday 4:42am: You guessed it, puking continues

Friday 4:45am: Friend says that it might be smart if I stopped hiking. I call him an ass and send him on his way.

Friday 4:48am: Stomach settles to the point where I feel safe drinking water. Alone. Desolate on the side of a jagged mountain.

Friday 4:50am: Discover stomach was not as strong as I thought it was. Resume vomiting.

Friday at 5:00am: Other friend comes down off of cliff. Due to his rather unusual Arthurian name, I give him the nickname of the Wizard. The Wizard has done every hike a million times. Has work at 8am. Says he's here to make sure I get down ok. Wants to use my sickness as an excuse to get some sleep in back of truck. I say fine.

Friday at 5:15am: Get completely down the stairs in 15 minutes. Going down is so much easier than up.

Friday at 5:17am: Realize there's no bloody way in hell we're getting over the bamboo/barbwire fence from this side. Begin trek to find alternate route.

Friday at 5:45am: After about 2 miles, find abandoned shack with hole cut in fence behind it. Stumble around in the darkness for another half hour in the woods trying to find way back to civilization.

Friday at 6:15am: Sun rises. The wizard is back in his truck sleeping. I lay down on grass next to sidewalk like crazed homeless man -- pants ripped and all. Locals begin going on jogs/going to work. They pass my mangled, bloody body by and scoff. I make quasi-vulgar comments in response.

Friday at 7:00am: Rest of friends return from hike. Another van full of BYUH dorks pulls up ready to hike. Local woman suddenly storms out of house. Say they have called cops, taken down license plate names and curse at us.

Friday at 7:05am: Drive away from scene like bat out of hell after hearing sirens in the distance.

Friday at 8:30am: Get back to Laie. Girls inform us they require food for breakfast. Best friend tells fiance he'll get her food and for all the girls to go cleanup while the guys go to Ted's Bakery for apple turnovers.

Friday at 8:31 am: Best friend gets several threatening glares from all males present.

Friday at 9:05 am: Arrive at Ted's Bakery next to Sunset Beach. Discover bakery is out of turnovers. Buy apple strudels instead, causing best friend to ask, "What the hell is a strudel?" Many funny remarks follow in response.

Friday at 9:40 am: Get back to girls, give them their strudels. Leave to shower and go into work. Finish off first bottle of Dayquil. Begin second. Pray my stamina lasts.

On a closing note, the moral of the story is you shouldn't hike while sick. If you ever attempt this technically "forbidden" trail it would be most wise of you do do so while in good shape.
If 90 minutes working the stairmaster on a difficult setting kills you, find another hike.

I do not agree with this man's view on the locals here, I am sure he had the comments coming to him, and he is correct about you not being able to use the stairway, and the fence with the bamboo. The locals aren't trying to keep you out of it, its more of a safety thing... the wooden ladder was first built in December 1943 during World War II the men would run up to the top of the mountain to get a radio signal. it was a top secret antena (I would of hated to have that job). Then in 1955 it was replaced with a steel ladder with a railing, it was then decommissioned two years later and given to the Coast Guard in 1971 and was used for for the Omega Radionavigation System and then was later closed in 1977. When the H3 interstate was built hikers started getting shocked when they would go up the stairs which is why they do not let people on the stairs. (but it doesn't stop them) The gates are apparently guarded 8 hours a day M-F buy trucks who travel the area three times a day. Go figure.

2007-04-16T13:45:00.001-10:00

Hello! Well it is Monday afternoon here and it is in the high 80's and all I keep thinking is they say this is the cold months! I can't believe it. Since we moved into this house, we have had the windows open and the fans going. I am not so sure about all of this... LOL

We all had such a good weekend! Nathan and Ray got rid of the forest in our back yard. So the neighbors have called it.. I really do not think that, the back yard has had much attention in a very long time. Ray and Nathan pulled out 6 old trees with the jeep, by the way Nathan was driving the jeep while they did this, it scared me to death..... I thought I was going to have a heart attack watching my 11 year old jump in the drivers seat and drive when he has never done that before... He did a very good job, I must say! So they pulled out weeds, trees, and veins that had been there for the last 12 years! Nathan also got to run a chain saw for the first time ever too. Yeah that one truly caused some stress to the baby. Ray watched him very close but still it scared me. Those things are so dangerous. Of course I was told by my son to let him be a man...But anyway the yard was a mess. They managed to clean the back yard out in 2 days! The neighbors were all so happy! As you can only imagine. They also had to put some kind of local weed killer down so the veins will not grow back, it apparently keeps growing and because no one took care of it in our yard it spread to the next 4 houses and they can't get rid of it because ours was still growing.. LOL... See why they were so happy!

While the boys were doing that I attempted to paint the border in the living room a dark brown, which I was against. By the time I had finished one room, I managed to convince everyone in the house how much of a bad idea this was. So now they want to paint the walls a darker color to match the trim, I went on strike, I am doing no more... LOL.. I will just have to get used to the dark border because I am not painting anything else. I refuse!

Saturday evening were invited to our neighbors house warming party, and we had so much fun. We live in an area where they are all locals except us! Peoples families have owned there land for generations. There was probably 50 people there and we new only the neighbors who invited us. I got a crash course on names and can only remember two of them and one of them has the same name as mine.... How convenient was that! These people had three tables full of food! I had never seen anything like it before in my life! We had such a good time. I learned alot about the food, and let me tell you how different it is! I seen stuff that was not cooked, things that had suckers on it (octopus) and so much more.. The only thing I recognized was the hot dog and hamburger section! I tried what I was allowed to eat and what looked liked it was cooked! It was all very good! I learned that you have the Hawaiian, Japeneese, Phillipines and some Korean cultures to learn. I would tell you some of the names of the dishes that I tried but like the peoples names I can't! All I can remember is that what we call octopus, is called squid here and the locals call it "taco". All of the fish have different names here so I have no idea what I am trying. I had to have a translator explain all the food to me, it was so funny! She was very nice and patient with me....

The other odd thing is, well not odd, just different is that all of the kids call grown ups auntie and uncle. So I now have an extended family of little kids calling Ray and I aunt and uncle. Which by the way only makes it harder when you are trying to match up the family tree! Its all one big family here and it is kind of nice. I am learning family is very important here, which is such a nice relief. It's the little things like we are not weird now for never having cable here, no one around here has it, its more family functions then watching TV. Its kind of nice for a change.

I have to tell you this, Nathan was invited to go spend his summer break in Maui with one of the grandma's daughters. She has a huge horse farm there. I have known these people like 2 weeks and they invite my son to spend a month with them. After getting home and Ray and I were talking, the sad thing is, I would trust these people with Nathan more than I would most of the people that I had known for a year in Virginia. Its crazy!

Updates on the baby are as follows: No more bleeding and only little cramping which is to be expected considering where my placenta is hanging out at! I go back to the doctor next week to find out more. I will keep you posted!

Thank you all for the kind comments that you had for me regarding my last blog. Ray and I are getting along alot better now. Maybe Christina was right and its the dreaded military move story and mine was just really bad. But it had better not happen the next time we move....

So sorry I have disappeared

2007-04-12T12:13:00.002-10:00

Wow it has been such a long rode to go down to get where i am at today! Let me explain. But first let me worn you, I am about to be as brutally honest as I can be; but this is my journal right, I do not have to act like things are cookie cutter when there not. Right! Well with that being said hold on.

We (my family) just PCSed to our new duty station and I was not so sure that my family was going to survive this move. See Ray and I just got married as of Feb. and we have a baby on the way along with an 11 year old. This was my first move with the military and it did not go over very well, it started with him (Ray) telling me what all needed to be left behind, like for example "we need to keep towels here so we will have them after they pack all of our stuff and for when we get there" no problems right so I say I will leave out 3 towels and 3 beach towels for us that should be enough right?! he agrees, it comes time to pack all of our bags/boxes for the plane ride and there is not enough room, or the box will weigh over the 50 lbs aloud. This translated means "I packed to much shit" his words. Even though I asked him about this and he agreed it is now my fault. Of course, it's always my fault. Trust me the list goes on and on. We continue to fight over just about everything, I have too much stuff we don't have the room for this and I need to get rid of this and I need to get rid of that. I am telling you before I left we had spent the last two weeks there fighting with each other. And he was always making it out to be me, or how I have to always make it about me. In the long run we were aloud on 9,000 lbs of house hold goods to be shipped to our new duty station. He wanted to take his boat with us which is 4500 lbs, which cuts into our house hold goods weight. See where I am going with this. I am expected to get rid of all the house hold stuff and all of the things from my storage unit, so he can bring a freaking boat with us!!! I was fine with getting rid of alot of it because we had two of things or it just wasn't needed. But trust me it was not pretty, trust me.
So we finally get on the plane at 0630 and after fighting and yelling, and me crying the last thing I want to do is sit on a plane for 11 plus hours beside him. As you can imagine I am screaming at myself saying "why are you doing this to yourself. It's him not you. Stay here! Its only going to get worse!" Do I listen to myself? No ! I just text message Charla telling her I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life. (Because that will help right) But we get there finally and I put on a smile and try to act like I love my husband and am so happy to be here and by his side in front of all the people on base when all I truly want to do is stab him with a knife.
We finally get to the lodge where we will be staying until we can find a place to live. he goes to work and we (my son and I) are stuck in a hotel room with a list of things that I am too while he is gone. Like get insurance on the new jeep that he had bought and try to find a place off base to live and find a job for me. Easy right no not so easy... Because of my husband's driving record no one would insure him. So we ended up paying a huge amount for the insurance and no luck on finding a place off base, no one on this island will take dogs, especially big dogs. So we wait around for the first couple of days and no luck with the house hunting. But since I am pregnant, the on base housing gave us a three bedroom house here on base, most people are on a waiting list for over a year before they get in, they give us one in 3 days! Ray will not take it because they will not let his dog on base! He refuses! Now this man who I must call my husband is putting a freaking dog before his family and unborn child. I was livid. I really thought I was going to loose it. So needless to say we lost the funding for temporary housing, which is free, because he would not take it because of a stupid dog, who by the way is in Florida until sometime this summer! He said he didn't want to add to my stress by having to move when I am close to my due date. Seriously a dog or your family which do you pick!!!! GRRRRRR I am so frustrated with him. Not to mention I kind of hate that dog!
So we then move out of the lodge and into a cabana, that has two queen size beds and a sink a little refrigerator and a dresser, no bathroom, no TV no phone no nothing. We have to walk to the community bathroom!!!! I am so much happier here can't you tell. This is when things get really bad, what your shocked you didn't think it could get worse oh it does...... Ray decides to go by the boys some snorkeling equipment and he teaches Nathan how to use it and they go play around, which is fine. They had fun. Then he buys me some and we go to a place on the island that is known for snorkeling and when we get there everything is fine. We go out in the water now mind you I do not like to breath out of my mouth I freak out when I can't breath out my nose, I have never worn flippers nor have i worn goggles, I never like the not being able to breath out my nose thing. Can you see where this is going. Yep! Nathan freaks out because he now has a current to deal with that he did not have at the pool and he can't touch. I ask Ray to give me a few minutes to get used to this before I go out there and do the freak out! No such luck. He gets mad and long story short gets out of the water and acts like a baby. As usual. I tell Nathan to play in the water where he can touch and I will be right back. I go and try to talk to him and he starts yelling at me when other people can here this. I am not at all happy with him at this point and he refuses to get in the water again. REFUSES!!!! He acts like such a baby so much, and it's always Ray's way or no way. Again, it's all about Ray. So we leave there with another huge fight at hand. I am now to afraid to do anything and live by fear. and so on and so on and my son and baby will be the same way.... bla bla bla..It went on and on. I told him if he spent have of time trying to saying positive things about me then maybe his situation would change but since all he can find is negative I was not so sure of why we were even here. (I assure he was not like this at all before i got pregnant, or I never would of allowed that to happen) He then informed me that, if I left that he would sign over all of his rights to the baby and would have nothing to do with it, that he was not having a kid that he would not be able to see. All I could say was WOW!
I disappeared for like 2 hours and just cried, the whole time. I called a friend of mine and told her what was going on and she did the freak out and now has her spare bedroom turned into my room. lol... So from there on we spoke as little as we possibly could to each other and it usually wasn't very nice when we did, I slept with my son and did as much as I could to be away from Ray. I seriously was planning on moving back to the mainlands. I just had to wait for my car and our stuff to get here so I could then ship it back to where ever I was going.
Ray then found a house, after 8 days of being at the cabanas. We moved in on the Saturday before Easter. After we got moved in and had a little time to relax he seemed to be calming down and trying to be nicer it too me again. Like he just flipped a switch and expected me to do the same. It's always me that has to say sorry and me that has to pretend like nothing is wrong. I tend to hold on to things like that and not just act like it did not happen. So as we get ready for bed and he tries to hug me I look at him and said please do not touch me, we both know if it wasn't for this baby I would not be here and I am not sure why that is making me stay. Good night! Was I wrong yeah, but it is how I felt at the time.
I then got up Easter morning to go by Nathan his Easter present, yes with everything else I forgot it was Easter. So I go get ready and I come out of the bathroom and all I can say to Ray is I am bleeding, he said I know, the bed was soaked. He asked if I was ok and I said I do not know.. After 6 hours at the ER I found out that I was ok but that due to all the stress from moving and so on, I started to bleed that sometimes that happens and that I was not eating enough and I was very dehydrated. But during the ultrasound I found out that I am having a boy!
That whole experience was my wake up call. I have to put everything else aside and think about this baby. I told Ray what the doctor had said, he got hear some of it but not all because he stayed with Nathan who was a little to freaked out to be in there with me all the time (the poor kid). I then explained everything to him and he definitely needed some time for all that to sink in then I realized he did not understand the severity of it all. So after a nice long talk without yelling or crying I think he got it.
I then went to my new doctors appointment yesterday and he went with me. We go and she does another ultrasound and finds out why I am spotting now. I have a partial placenta previa. My placenta is covering half of my cervix. Not good. So I am now on complete pelvic rest until after the baby is born and no stress, no heavy lifting, no major house cleaning, no mopping and so on. I go home and we look it up on the Internet and he gets to read all of the facts, with the side effects and he now completely understands how serious this can be. He is now concerned and keeps asking me questions about what all happened with Nathan because things were so complicated with him as well. Looking back I am assuming that I had this same problem with Nathan and that is why I hemorrhaged after I had him, I remember them saying that my placenta had stuck to my wall but I was so Young and there was so much wrong with me then.
I wake up this morning, get Nathan sent off to school and lay back down for a minute and then my phone rings and wakes up both Ray and I, its my doctor's office. The doctor looked over my records of my previous pregnancy and she wants me to start taking a baby aspirin everyday until after the baby is born, and that my placenta issue is an even bigger deal than first thought and that the pelvic rest is a must and that my appointment is being bumped up even sooner because my labs came back abnormal and it is a good possibility that the pre eclampsia and HELP syndrome are returning. Apparently my liver and kidneys are already showing signs of trouble. So with tears in my eyes I hang up and look at Ray and realize he heard everything that she said and that was his wake up call.
So in a nut shell I am coming out of one type of hell and feel as if I am going into another. Its a little scary for me, although i thought the timing was good enough to have another one. Even tho this wasn't fully planned.
For now things seem to be getting better between Ray and I. Do I think that this is just due to the stress of moving? Some of the behaviors yes but that does not make it ok by any means. I know this is happening for a reason and some times you have to take the long road around before arriving. I am praying that this is the case with us as well.
I will keep you updated and thank you for listening to me complain. I feel so much better now.

Add ons

2007-04-01T11:15:00.001-10:00

Since Charla told everyone about her exciting news I thought that I would share mine as well. Ray and I got married on February 14th. He didn't want to wait any longer, so we decided to go ahead and go to the justice of the peace in Virginia and get married before the move to Hawaii and plan on doing a wedding here on the beach with our family, including our new addition. So we did it, not how we imagined getting married just as long as we are married...

Just thought that I would join in on the wedding bliss!!!!

New Place of Home.....Hawaii

2007-04-01T10:26:00.000-10:00

Well we made it! We now live in Hawaii!!! We got here on Tuesday and it has been non stop since. Ray was told that as soon as he got here we would have to sign in and he would start his 10 days of house hunting, well as we all know with the military that means that he had to work all day and he should start the house hunting next week! I hope. As for now we are homeless! We are staying in the lodge on base, well actually we are staying at the cabanas. they consist of two queen size beds, a small refrigerator, a sink and a dresser! The bathroom and showers are outside and down the side walk. It is like we are staying at camp all over again!!!! Its really not that bad, we are right on the beach, so we are having all kinds of fun there.

Nathan has already made friends, he met a couple of kids on the beach that are in the same situation we are, waiting on housing. So they have been out in the water all day trying to get some fish, all they have really seen are two small sharks! Go figure right!!!!!

The baby and I are doing fine. We are both growing! I am 15 weeks and 3 days now. I need to make a appointment to go get seen next week, and maybe just maybe we will be able to see what the sex of the baby is.. I am excited about that. I want to know, I can't imagine the thought of not knowing. Now watch the baby will not cooperate and we will not know. If the baby continues on the same trail, we will not find out! At my old job we used to play around and take pictures on the ultrasound machine all the time, and the last couple of times we did that, the baby would be playing with the cord and jerking it everywhere! It is so cute to watch him/her to do that. I have pictures of the baby stroking its head, of it sucking it's thumb, of the baby playing with the cord and plenty more!!!

Well Nathan is still down at the beach and I will admit I am getting nervous with me not being down there with him, so I am going to go and I will be in touch soon! I miss you guys and will try to stop by and see each of you real soon!

Hey Everyone

2007-03-09T11:31:00.000-10:00

Hey everyone, this is Michelle's friend, Charla! Michelle asked me to post for her because her computer isn't up right now and she can't post anything. She said to tell all of you hello and let you know that they are all doing fine and she will be back on as soon as she can.

Another ski trip

2007-02-18T02:45:00.000-10:00

Well yesterday was Nathan's birthday and he loves to go snowboarding so at the last minute we have pulled off a weekend get away for Nathan since we all had the long weekend, we decided to surprise him with it last minute... So this morning is a mad dash to get out of the house and on the slopes. Can you guys believe that my OB doctor said that it was perfectly fine for me to go skiing. I was kind of surprised so my plan is to go and take it easy. If I feel like it I will ski if not I have a book just in case. LOL. Things are good here, just busy with moving and everything. I have had a nasty bladder infection complete with fever and nausea. The infection is a weird strand of bacteria, the doctor is not sure how I got it, I was told that this is usually found in your intestines so its odd to find it in my bladder, unfortunately the only drugs that will cure it are the ones that I am not aloud to take because of the baby. Go figure!

I need to go, I will send out pictures as soon as we get back!!!!

updates

2007-02-11T08:42:00.001-10:00

Ok sorry for the disappearing act. Things are much better here. Ray and I have worked things out and we are planning on leaving for Hawaii on March 27th. And also getting married. He has already bought the tickets so there is no backing out now.
As for the unexpected present we got, well the shock has worn off and we are doing fine now. It is actually a good thing now (don't get me wrong when I say that). Ray couldn't be happier to be having a baby with me. I went to the doctor and I am 8weeks and 3 days give or take a few days. Things changed greatly that day. I will fill you in on all the details later for now I must go.
Hope all is well with each of you! I will stop by and say hello this week.

My news

2007-01-28T07:37:00.001-10:00

ok ladies.... Here goes the explanation for my previous blog. There is no easy way to say this but I am pregnant!!!! Ok the bad part is I am not married to Ray (most of you knew that), but I want to be, so that means he will be getting transferred to Hawaii in March and if I go I have no medical insurance to cover my pregnancy. If I stay then he doesn't get to be a part of it. And so on and so on. The list of troubles just seems to be getting bigger. I was already contemplating on whether or not I should go and now it just got a little harder. Do we plan on getting married, yes one day (plan was after we got to Hawaii). We've talked about it over and over again, how much he wants to marry me. Even though we haven't been together that long, and I guess that's why I love him. Do I want to only get married because of a baby? NO, but he suggested it, and maybe it wouldn't be just for the baby. So I feel stuck! Which has caused problems between me and Ray which makes moving an even harder decision. Everything is just truly a mess right now and honestly I have no one to blame but myself. So there we have it Ladies. Please pick your mouths up off the floor now! lol.

The next question to answer is how far along are you?!? Well according the ultrasound that we (the girls in my office did last week) I am around 10 weeks. But we go on Wednesday to see the doctor which will give me the due date.

Just when you think things could get no worse

2007-01-27T09:33:00.000-10:00

Well that pretty much says it all for me since I last wrote. Just when you think things could get no worse they do.... I have had the worst two weeks you could image. I'm not real sure where to start but I am asking you for your prayers. I have alot of decisions to make and I am not sure what will be the best ones to make. Have you ever felt trapped? Well that is me. I feel like no matter what i choose to do I am screwed. Trust me when I say things are not good here on the home front.

I need to go run some errands but I will be back later tonight to try to explain all this.

How did I become such an entertainer?

2007-01-14T08:05:00.000-10:00

It amazes me that we have been entertaining so many people at our house lately. It seems like I come home and hear those dreaded words "hey honey, H and H are coming over again tonight for dinner." Or "all the guys are coming over to play cards tonight". I love it... My latest favorite one was "hey the guys are coming over for dinner tonight and we are gonna play some card games, so I will be home in a little bit" (this was Friday) then I get told by my son that on Saturday that the guys are all coming over again because we are gonna play with the remote control cars! It amazes me that all of a sudden we have so many people over here. It is kind of funny to see them all over here playing with Nathan too. I think that it is just mentally exhausting. I want to sit in my house all by myself for 10 minutes please..... LOL

I feel like my head is going to explode

2007-01-07T07:04:00.000-10:00

This is a picture of Nate, Ray and I that was taken over the holidays. Just thought I would share it with you! I used to be able to put the pictures where I wanted them but now I can't seem to do that. Oh well.

Well first things first. Thank you guys for all the encouragement on the upcoming move. There is so much to do and I am still freaking out just thinking about it. But I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with migraines and borderline depression. I laughed and explained to her what was going on and said "gees now I have a headache" I said so I do not think the depression is much to worry about. I will be fine with that when I move. She agreed after hearing my story! As for the headaches she gave me so very nice pills that seem to be working and some meds to help me sleep. Apparently migraines and lack of sleep go hand and hand. Since I hate taking pills I have not tried the Ambien but I know that it works great! I just hate to take pills!!

I hope everyone is enjoying there weekend, we have been busy as usual. Yesterday I worked from home for 8 hours and then Ray and Nathan took there remote control cars/trucks to the track to play with (they have a gas powered one and 4 battery operated ones) it gives them something that they can do together. But can I ask you guys something? Is this normal: Ray is not Nathan's bio dad, as you know, but it seems like every time Ray tries to do something with Nathan he bucks him in any way possible. It is like he can do nothing to satisfy him, its never good enough. Yesterday they spent the whole entire day together and things were fine, they both said they had fun, but as soon as I am in the picture Nate gets an attitude. I really think that Nate gets jealous when I am around. This morning we got up and had breakfast and Ray said Nate come on buddy lets go get our bikes and we are gonna go get Hutton (one of his marines) and go out for a while on our bikes. Nate thru a fit he didn't want to go. When Ray went outside I sat Nathan down and said "what is your deal?" I explained to him that he told me that he wanted someone that he could call his own, who would do things with him and not leave him out of the pictures and now that he has it he keeps pushing it away. He stopped and said with big tears in his eyes "no I'm not!" I then explained to him that Ray tries so hard to make sure that he is involved in everything that he does. I asked Nate to tell me how many times does Ray go Hang out with the boys and not bring him and he goes well he always takes me. Then I asked him why he was pushing him so hard. He told me he didn't know. But when Ray came back inside Nathan was a totally different kid. He told Ray he was sorry and the look of confusion on his face was pretty funny. So is normal or what? My parents are still together so I do not know what it feels like to go through what Nate is dealing with since his sperm donor is not in the picture. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Don't get me wrong Nathan is an amazing little boy, and I love him so much but he just acts so much older than he his sometimes he has so much knowledge beyond his years. Its kind of scarey, it easy to forget he is only ten when you talking to him.

2007-01-02T03:49:00.000-10:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I know that we did. We got to spend time with our family and friends, since we are moving soon it was very nice. I of course can only say that now that it is over! LOL. On New Year's Eve we spent the night playing dominos with our neighbors and my parents. Nathan stayed up until after 2:00 in the morning. I was proud of him, but the last round of the mexican train that he played he was struggling to keep his eyes open. It was very cute!
I finally broke down and told my parents, while they were here, that we are moving to Hawaii in March. They took the news good. My mom cried and said no you are not moving, I'm mot letting you and in the same breath asked if she could come too. My dad who is very quiet anyway just simply "that's a long way from home." I will be honest that broke my heart because I knew what he wasn't saying. I am now and will always be daddy's little girl, I hate to see him hurt. So now the mad dash begins. I am still freaking out everytime I think about it. Not to mention we have to squeeze in a snow boarding trip, a trip to West Virginia and a trip to Florida all before March and still try to save money! We promised Nathan a ski trip this year and we can not back out of that . Oh I haven't told you this, we told Nathan that we are moving too. He was not so happy about it at first. His remarks were "mom, that is the third move I have made, I don't want to move anymore." Which any mom in the military nows what that does to your heart. He came around once we showed him pictures of Hawaii. I told him we had to look at this as a extended vacation and that we would make new friends there and then promised him while we were in Florida that he could go visit his old friends there. He is such a good kid. I love him so much! The only people that I have not told yet is the people at work, which will be the hardest. I love those girls and I do not want to leave them. It makes me cry just to think about it.
Enough about all of that. I have to go to the doctor today. I am not looking forward to it, but it is well over due. I have not been to the doctor for a well visit in like 6 years. I am now at the point where I have had a headache for the last 6 months. I can not take it anymore. I hate taking pills and I know that she is gonna make me take something but then again since I feel like I have bought stock in the Advil industry, I should probably just go ahead and get something that will work.
So I will let you all know what the doctor says. Talk to you soon!

2006-12-30T04:50:00.000-10:00

OK finally I have a minute to sit down and do this! Every time I have tried to sit down and actually say hello to everyone out here in blog land, I am interrupted with someone who needs.

I wanted to share my favorite picture of Christmas with you all! This is my son with his new coat and his new guitar hero game sitting in his bedroom! I thought that this was just the cutest thing ever. Let me explain why: we all grew up in the country and now what it means to be a "country boy/girl" but Nathan has never truly lived in the country, he will go home to spend the summer with my parents but that is it. Family back home call him a "little surfer dude" or a "beach baby" and then our friends at our home call him a little country boy stuck in a beach body. So he has adapted to his surroundings right. Then I go and find him looking like this! Now ladies this is my little boy... Anyway its cute to me!

I hope everyone enjoyed there Christmas, I know we did. Ray's mom came up to visit us for the holiday, so we got to spend Christmas with her. We also had dinner for all the marines that did not go home for Christmas for whatever reason. Yes, I know why the little lady in Pensacola, FL told me that "if you get involved with someone in the military, then you had better get used to being put on the spot and have to entertain them boys." She was right, I found out that we were having company come over the Friday night before Christmas! After the initial freak out I was fine! I did not have enough food for everyone. LOL! Our solution: go buy two ducks and deep fry those things. LOL.. I know that sounds disgusting but oh my goodness were they ever good. And not to mention that I always have turkey for the holiday but this year I had decided to make my first ever ham and it tasted so good! I was very pleased with the dinner. I got rid of my leftovers (for the most part) by giving the marines that came over a big plate full of food to take back to the barracks so that they would have something to eat!

Well I have put it off long enough! I had told a few of you that we might be getting stationed in Hawaii and now it is official We are moving to Hawaii in March!!!! Yep that is right, I am doing another freak out! I have so much to do and not enough time to do it in. We have not told Nathan that we are going and plan on waiting until we have a date so he will not tell my parents who by the way are not happy about the possibility. Since they are on there way to my house now we will wait to tell them so we do not upset our weekend with them. I am happy and sad all at the same time. Let me explain: see we just moved here last March and Nathan really likes this school and I hate to move him again. I love my job, I mean really love my job and the girls I work with. I have never had a set of friends like them and I hate to leave them! So here I am with this exciting move coming up and I can not tell my parents, my son, my job and my friends because they will all be sad and mad and hurt all at the same time!!!! But seriously I am moving to Hawaii how cool is that!!!!

The other down side to that is that I am way out of shape and what used to be muscle has turned into fat! I have managed to make my self sick at the thought so I now have to loose some weight and get into shape. I only need to loose like 10 pounds which won't be hard but oh my goodness my body looks horrible. I am so out of shape. I am so mad at myself for letting myself go and look like this. So for the last 4 days I have been at the gym trying to fix this problem before we leave. Wish me luck, it's not gonna be easy!!!

If I do not get a chance to talk to you all I wish you all a very Happy New years!

Christmas time

2006-12-23T10:18:00.000-10:00

I know that I am late on this but this is our Christmas tree, if it looks like the star is drooping to one side well it is.. Our tree is dying on us! Gotta love real trees. But I do not care. I love Christmas, it is my favorite holiday. The other picture is of the buffet in my dinning room. I love the willow tree figures and I only started collecting them last year, so far I have the friendship figure, that my friend bought me last year for Christmas. Ray and Nathan bought me the mother and son figure for mother's day. My friend, Jen, bought me the caring heart figure for Christmas this year (we both work in the cardiology dept.) I bought myself the nativity scene for myself this year and I am not suppose to know but Ray's mom bought me the 3 wise men set. I am so excited!!!!!

I love to decorate for this season our whole house is decorated. Although most of my stuff is still in Florida, we made the best of it and I went and bought some new things... Not so sure what I will do next year when I have both sets of decorations though...

Things are much better here now. I have been very stressed out. We still do not know if we are moving yet or not, we know we will be moving but we do not know when it could be in 2 months or it could be in 7 months. it is very frustrating, which i am sure every military family knows. So you put Christmas and family coming in on top of that and you will know why I have been so stressed out!

I forgot to tell you guys that I finally got the Lasik eye procedure done. I have wanted to do it for so long and last Saturday I did it. I am so happy.. My eye sight is so much better now. I do not have 20/20 vision yet but man is it better. It was not nearly as painful as I thought that it would be. I slept most of Saturday and was fine from there on. I had really dry eyes and then we figured out that I was allergic to the eye drops and after I stopped taking those things have been awesome... So now I am working on getting my last wisdom tooth pulled out. Yes I chickened out on going back to the dentist like 5 years ago, and now it is giving me problems!

If I do not get a chance to see you all before Christmas Merry Christmas!!!!! I have to go watch a movie with Ray and his mom Talk to you soon!

My day

2006-12-16T15:46:00.000-10:00

I am so sad today and really do not feel like saying much right now. I will say this; things are not good here and I am not sure what to do about it. Sorry to be a Debbie downer. Talk to you all real soon.

I wish you enough

2006-12-12T02:13:00.000-10:00

I received this email this morning and I almost cried while reading it and I wanted to share it with you guys. I am not sure if you have already read it before but I hope you enjoy.

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough". The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom". They kissed and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?". "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?". She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".
She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.
TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....
To all my friends and loved ones,
I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Updates on Me

2006-12-10T05:21:00.000-10:00

Well just let me say if not being able to sign in on my blog for a while was not bad enough, what ever made me think that I could change my look and everything would work out! I do not know because I have changed my look with no problem, but when I tried to add my links, just like I was instructed, they won't show up. So Glo, I know your pain because now I say CHARLA PLEASE HELP ME!!! I love her to death and I would not know what to do without her on this site!
Since I mentioned Charla, I hope she is enjoying Oklahoma. I received a Christmas card in the mail the other day from here and I had to chuckle because I noticed that she did not have a address yet! I only laugh because I know soon, I will be doing the same thing. I am really proud of her, since we came from the same town and pretty much had the same set of friends, I know how scary it is too move. I am really proud of her for taking that step! I always told her that there was so much freedom in moving away from there, do not get me wrong, I miss and love my family very much. But it is good to stand on your own for a little while without the parents there to help out all the time. Or at least that is how I felt, and from what I am hearing from Charla she too understands what I mean. So again I am proud of you and wish you and Steve the best of luck! You never know we might be stationed somewhere close by one day!
Ok, its back to what I have been doing. Let me just start off with this: It is Sunday morning, I am at home alone (with the dog), at there is no noise! There is no "MOM will you come help me with this" or Baby what are you doing?" Nothing, no noise except for the dog cleaning his feet! LOL I am so excited! Ray and Nathan went bike riding today with one of the gunny sgt. They decided to bring Nate along so he could ride the jumps! I am only praying that he does not get hurt! Every time they go do the boy thing, I get scared, the last time they did this it was a paintball excursion. My 10 year old boy with 15 marines in a battle town. Can we say unqualified! He had a blast though! They all took care of him and made sure that he didn't get hurt! Can you imagine my son with a bunch of marines in full gear shooting paintball guns, he came back with some nice bruises. This is with a bullet proof vest! So I hope they have fun!
Work has been crazy. I love it there but it is always so busy! Maybe that is why I like. We see on an average 36 patients a day which may not sound like alot but that is 36 EKG's and 36 ECHO's (ultrasound of the heart). It gets very hectic, plus the phone calls, the refills, prepping charts for the next day and so on. Not to mention all the breaks to sit and chit chat for a few minutes. We all know to keep your sanity you have to have that!
Friday night was our Christmas party and we had such a good time, we had the party at one of the doctor's house we had all of the kids playing in the game room and upstairs while all the adults hung out on the other side of the house. The doc had a shuffle board table, which I love to play and we had soo much fun beating him at that game. I will brag on Nate for a minute, with all the kids at the party it got a little loud with all of the running and so on. But I told Nathan once to stop and he did just that stopped. He ended up playing shuffle board with one of the teenagers most of the night. I was very proud of him!
Nathan and I both had dentist appointments on Friday so I did not send him to school but he did go into to work with me, he has fun when we do that we have 6 doctors in our practice. So he has plenty to keep him busy! I am going to brag on him again. We went and bought 3 little kids Christmas and wrapped them up to give to the lady at the hospital. He had so much fun making sure that those kids would have a good Christmas. It was nice to see that he didn't care that that meant he would not be getting as much because of that! It's little things like that that let me know I must be doing something right!
Well the biggest news that I can give you is we might be getting stationed in Hawaii. We will find out on the 15th if that is where we will be going. We are so excited. After looking at Michell's trip there I want to go even more. It would be a long way away from my family but dang it would be nice to live there for awhile. LOL. So keep that in your prayers please so we will have a smooth transition.
For now I need to go do some work for the office so I will talk to you all soon!

2006-12-08T02:55:00.000-10:00

Holy Cow it finally let me sign back in.... I was so frustrated I could not get my blog to cooperate.

I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to write back. I have no excuse but I just got caught up in my everyday life. I still love my job. I love the people that I work with! Some of the girls have become very close to me.

I hope everyone is doing great and I will try to stop around to see everyone this weekend but for now I am off to the dentist office.

Military Wife

2006-08-28T15:21:00.000-10:00

"Military Wife"

The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one."

The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle emergencies without a manual, and she must be willing to move to a new location ten times in seventeen years."

The Lord continued, "We must give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and be large enough to say,
'I Love You,' regardless."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his arm, "get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow."

"I can't stop now," said the Lord. "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot and understand why it's important that he leave."

The angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There's a leak," she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. You are trying to put too much into this model."

"What you see is not a leak," the Lord said. "It's a tear."

"A tear? What is it there for?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear."

"You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel.

The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."

-Author unknown

I am sure that you have all read this before but I just wanted to give praise to the military wives whose husband are away protecting our freedom while the wives are at home protecting there families..... I have the upmost respect for each and every one you!

Lovwe you guys.

2006-08-24T01:33:00.001-10:00

Hello everyone!! It has been so crazy around here. Its funny how I have never met any one you out there in blog land but I miss you guys! LOL. I am loving my job. It is a field that I have never worked in, so there is so much for me to learn. I feel like a sponge that has been left in the water and can hold no more... It is truly so much information. I work in a pediatric cardiology office (I do not know if I told you that) so these little kids are so very complicated. It really makes you value your life a little more. Things that I take for granted, like walking up stairs, is something that some of these little guys will never be allowed to do. I want another baby. Hopefully I will get another one soon. The girls that I work with are all great. Its so nice to work in an office that feels like a family. Not to mention I am being productive. Yeah me!!!!!

OUCHHHHHHHH

2006-08-17T01:03:00.001-10:00

Wow what a week this has been! It has been a week full of orientation and let me tell you that they are making sure we are well informed... They have given us so much information, I am on overload now. I came home one night and Ray tried to show me something and he had to tell me like 4 times before I would get it. It unfortunately had nothing to do with nursing and since it did not I could not get it!!

My job is the one that I have been waiting on. They called me and set up a orientation date well when it happened it felt like it happened so fast. Funny since I applied back in June! I am working in a high risk children's hospital. It seems to be a great hospital, they are very good and caring at what they do. The girls in my office seem sweet. They put a huge vase of flowers in my office and signs are every where in the clinic saying "welcome Michelle, we are so glad that you are finally here!" How funny is that!

Real quick before I leave, the title of my blog today is ouchhhhh. This is because I had to get shots yesterday... I now feel sorry for the little ones that go and get a series of vaccines in one day! I had to get my PPD (TB), MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) because my titer was low and if that was not bad enough they then told me that I had to get another series of the Hep B vaccines because of the same thing (low titer), then I took the Tdap (tetnus, diptheria, and pertusis) Can you believe there is another out break of whooping cough! That is crazy! So I got a total of 4 injections one right after another. The Tdap and MMR really hurt when they get into your system. Of course my body did not react so well to this. By the time I came home I had a temp of 102. Aches everywhere and I had hives yes I am allergic to one of them. Which one I have no idea!!!! I feel alot better today but my arms are so sore!! Yes I am crying like a baby this hurts! I feel sorry for those little guys now! LOL.

Well off to work I go!

I was M.I.A.

2006-08-14T13:39:00.000-10:00

Hey girls I am sorry I have not been around but things have been busy here. I started my new job today and so far I like it! I will try to get caught up on all of my blog reading but until then I love you guys and take care!!

I wish you a sandpiper

2006-08-10T08:06:00.000-10:00

The Sandpiper
by Robert Peterson

She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near
where I live.

I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles,
whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sand castle or
something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

"Hello," she said.

I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.

"I'm building," she said.

"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.

"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."

That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes.

A sandpiper glided by. "That's a joy," the child said.

"It's a what?"

"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."

The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself,
hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed
completely out of balance.

"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.

"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."

"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."

"Hi, Wendy."

She giggled. "You're funny," she said.

In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.

"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."

The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings,
and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out
of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.

"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?"

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.

"I don't know. You say."

"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.

The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is."

"Then let's just walk."

Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. "Where do you live?" I asked.

"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.

Strange, I thought, in winter.

"Where do you go to school?"

"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation."

She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was
on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day.
Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no
mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt
like demanding she keep her child at home.

"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd
rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.

"Why?" she asked.

I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?

"Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day."

"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!"

"Did it hurt?" she inquired.

"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.

"When she died?"

"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.

A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she
wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her,
I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn
looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.

"Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."

"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies."

"Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.

"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."

Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.

"She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days.

But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice faltered, "She left
something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?"

I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young
woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold
childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues-- a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:

A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love
opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together.

The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six
words -- one for each year of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and
undemanding love.

A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand -- who taught me the gift of love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It
happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It
serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and
life and each other.

The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas
can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a
momentary setback or crisis.

This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means,
take a moment... even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.
This comes from someone's heart, and is read with many and now I share it with you...
May God bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences!

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside
anyone as insignificant. Who knows what they can teach us?

What A Relaxing Weekend

2006-08-07T03:56:00.002-10:00

Wow it is amazing how much better you feel after a relaxing weekend! We had such a good time this weekend, nothing major happened. We just got to enjoy each others company and it can't get much better than that! Did I ever tell you guys how Ray told me he loved me? We were only a few months into our relationship when he told me he loved me and before we knew it, we were moving in with each other only 4 months into it. Awww I know. LOL. This is will not be an exciting post today.

Friday night Ray and I simply made dinner at home and watched a movie, which is always a nice way to unwind. I sat and listened to him go on and on about the stresses of his week. Which he does a lot. We talked about it and I gave him the objective opinions that I am so good at, you know like well do you think maybe he is harder on you because he knows and expects better from you so when you give him something that is not right or messed up for whatever reason, you get a negative response and the other guy he just over looks (which is his normal). Your boss is always telling you how neat and how he likes how you have changed everythig right? I usually get a look followed with ok I can give him that! But it is very important to listen, this I am learning. Being able to put your stress aside and listen to his and make sure he knows that they matter is not something that always comes natural to women. We for the most part see them as the rock in the relationship if you will, and its easy to forget that men have stress and when they will actually talk about it you have to let them!!!! Hope that made sense! But anyhoo take that as free advice!!!

Saturday we simply woke up, he made me breakfast which is normal for us. I cook all week and he makes breakfast on the weekends. It works for us, but of course I don't work. We went to see Talladega Nights, the Nascar movie. I am not really a Nascar fan. I was out numbered so I had to get used to it. The movie was one of those stupid funny kind of movies. I was definitely a movie I wanted to see but I just do not think I would want to see it twice! We then came home jumped on the motorcycle and went for a ride, he drove, we went to an outdoor store yes most men's paradise!!! I think we spent two hours in that store! Me bored out of my mind. It was complete with an aquarium and rock climbing wall and more. We did a quick dinner and a restaurant near by, then home to grab the dog, and the car and off to the beach we go... There is just something about walking on the beach late at night! It is so relaxing, I love living by the water. We had so much fun with the dog out there. He did such a good job. I was so proud of him. Bo, is his dog. He played with his Frisbee and completely ignored all the other dogs and for a Pitt that is good and almost unheard of! We then came home and attempted to put Bo in the house and he noticed that I did not get out of the car so he stood by the door waiting for me. It was so cute! So when Ray tried to put him in his kennel he shot out the door and jumped in the car and got in the back seat and sat there so pretty. We tried to call him and he would turn his head and look away from us like I do not hear you!! The dog won he got to go get ice cream with us! What a spoiled dog!!!

Sunday was simply I cleaned house, as usual, and he fixed 4-wheeler! We did go to the craft store and I bought stuff to make candles. I am so excited so tomorrow look for pictures of the candles!!

I warned you nothing exciting in this post

This what I found on the refrigerator Sunday evening! Isn't he sweet!!!

What a weird day

2006-08-03T11:03:00.001-10:00

Well I am short on time today but I just wanted to give a real quick update on the job interview today: I went and the position is for a clinic and they said that I could work on some nights until 10:30. That is a long day for a doctor's office, I think. Plus you would work weekends. Call me crazy but dang!!!! So we will see. I have decided that I will wait until Monday and if I do not hear back from the human resource department then I will call back on Tuesday and see if I can go and get the packet on my own. What do you think is that being to pushy or am I ok with doing that? Please be honest with me....

You know how some people are blessed with grace to deal with situations and you just look at them and say how did you do that and be so nice and caring about it? I do not think I could do that,kind of situation. Well I had one of those today and it kind of surprised myself. Still not sure what to think about it! Let me explain.

A little while back Ray received a phone call from a girl in his past, she was crying to him about her problems, (yes she is a ex's of his!) He of course tells me about the phone call and my response was why is she calling you? That is not your place anymore. He said I know that and I told her that same thing. I trust him and all that so we were ok. But I'm not wrong in thinking that is not ok. As he is telling me about her little problem I say well if she calls again let me talk to her and I will help her, but he knows I always do this kind of thing. So now with saying that--today Ray comes home from lunch and says while he is holding his phone, remember when you said bla bla bla, well meet my ex!!!! He then hands me the phone and I say hello and hear this girl crying on the other end. I say "honey what is wrong?" She spills her guts to me about her situation. I at this point am really dumb founded at all this. She is a single mother of a small daughter and is involved in a nasty relationship and does not know how to let go of this man even though she knows she needs to. I talk to her for 45 minutes then tell her that I need to go and she asks me if I would please call her back, I said ummmmmmm I guess I can if you need me to, I take her number and tell her goodbye.

I get off the phone thank Ray while laughing and say thanks for the warning! LOL. He said I knew you would know just what to say to her, your really good at that kind of stuff and they really listen to you when you talk to them that's why i love you so much. Thank you baby!

So after my job interview I get back in my car and I start to pray about this and he simply tells me "If I hadn't sent someone to you in your time of need what would of happened to you?" After I stopped crying and said but God this is too weird for me that is his ex girlfriend. I got over myself and found love for this girl who needed someone. I called her back as I promised and got her address so I could send her some CD's that really helped me in my past and talked to her for an hour, this girl is not saved and I got her the name and address of a church she is gonna go to, and then she tells me "You know when I called Ray today something told me that I was gonna talk to you and that you had something that I needed, I could feel it, and I just wanted to thank you for talking to me!"

Now is that grace or what!

I am so frustrated

2006-08-01T10:15:00.000-10:00

Have you ever felt like your whole day was wasted? That you ran around and got absolutely nothing accomplished? Well that was me today! I recently got my mail from the move, the post office kind of lost some of it and it finally came to me today! Yeah right NOOO because it had 2 payroll checks and a deposit check in it that no one will cash for me here!!! It is too old. The checks were dated 4 months ago! So that is wasted money that I will never see! That is ok! I can get over that. But I told you all that I got that job that I had wanted, well now I just need to get them to tell me when I can start!!! So frustrating! I really need to start this job soon! Cash funds are really low and we all know how that feels.

So I would like some feedback on this please! (But first realize I know that God has this all under control and that maybe while I am telling you all this I will get the answer that I need!) Silly I know but it is nice to have someone to throw it out there to and just be like NOW thanks I feel better!
So here goes:
I applied for this job back in June. On June 14th they asked me to come in for an interview, so I did. It went well and she said that they needed to get with the head doctor and set up a time for the applicants to meet with the nurses and the doctors. She asked me to give her a week and then she would give me a call. Ok fine I understand and that is reasonable, right.
One week goes by and I hear nothing, so I figured since I did not get the job since I really was not qualified for the position and I new that. Two weeks went by and they asked me to come in on July 7th for another interview and I said yes. I was very excited and then we get called to go home because of Ray's grandpa. So I called them and explained to them the situation and she told me not to worry and we rescheduled the appointment. The interview went very well again and I thought that I had gotten the position and yet I walked away not knowing anything.
I waited and then the following week I call them back and I was told that she thought that I did get the position but she would call me back with more information. The following day they ask me to come in for another interview with the office manager. Which I did and by the way that was a waste of my time, she honestly just wanted to meet me! No joke that is what she told me!! She then told me that they needed to fill the position as soon as possible and she would call me in two days to let me know either way. I said great! That's when I found out that I got the job, which was last Wednesday. She said she would call Friday with more details. I get a call from there human resource department with the hospital on Thursday and I faxed her the appropriate paperwork, then nothing. No call on Friday no call on Monday, remember they were the ones who said they need to fill this position like now, yet they don't seem to be doing this!
I called them and asked what was up (in a very professional way) and she told me that they have a salary for me and we talked about that and then she tells me I need to wait for human resources to call me again!!!!
I could not be wrong but it does not sound like this office is run very well. But in the mean time I have another interview with another doctor's office on Thursday just in case! LOL.

So is this God shutting that door and opening up another one or is He just having fun watching me freak out and not letting go of the control and letting him deal with it?!? I know I am mess. PLEASE CLARITY WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! Or if you would just like to laugh at me and say poor little girl, she is just so precious! Stroke my hair and hug me! That would be ok too!!!!

Update on my boo boo's I am doing much better. I am not as sore as I was and here is a picture of the only open wound that I still have the rest of them have dried up!!!!

Ok blogger is up to its old tricks and it will not let me download the picture so I will try again later. Sorry

Make them go away please

2006-07-31T13:07:00.000-10:00

Real quick does anyone remember how to get on the list so that they (telemarketers)can't call you anymore? Wasn't it called the "no call list"? I am so tired of the constant calls that I am getting GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! LOL

I did it this time

2006-07-29T06:07:00.000-10:00

First Things First

I have been meaning to send a special thanks to my friend, Shionge, in Singapore for the lovely gifts that she sent us! We love them and the magnet is placed on the refrigerator with all of the others! So again Thank you. Here is a picture of the gifts! My son is so excited to see the candy!

Ok I meant to tell you all this Saturday evening but I just did not have it in me! LOL. I wrecked Ray's motorcycle Saturday!!! We are ok. I got road burn on my left shoulder, forearm, hip, knee and ankle! Yes I slid across the road. Ray went over my head and landed in the grass. Don't worry I caught the bike with my leg. I now know what the weight of the bike feels like. LOL. Personal note: riding his bike is what we were fighting over the other day! See I told you it was silly. I want to learn how to ride the bike but I am afraid of it at the same time. I get scared when I turn the bike because it feels like it is falling and I can not keep the bike upright, which is what happened when we wrecked. I was turning onto the main road and that happened and I freaked out the clutch popped and we well we wrecked. I was so scared! Not to mention how bad it hurt! I felt my skin tear away from my arm. Can we say ouch!!!!!!! I did not cry but I did feel like I was going to get very sick. I did not but wow it was bad for awhile. We were about an hour from the house so I had no choice but to get back on the back of the bike so we could go home.
Ray was good about it! He was not mad, just glad I was OK. But the bike,which is only 6 months old, has the following damage: broken mirror on the left side, bent handle bars, messed up gas tank, and a little body damage on the side and I somehow broke his foot peg!!!!!
This is the worst part of the day: On the way home I was talking to God and it hit me like a ton of bricks, I always pray for safety, grace and mercy, and for Him to send angels of protection to be with us! This time I forgot to do so!!!! Yep the one time I forgot and I wrecked!!!!!!
Tonight when Ray gets home from work I will take pictures of the bike and of me so you can see my BOO Boos!

On a brighter note I am on day 38 without Nathan and he calls me three to four times a day to talk to me. He now says: "mommy are you ok? How is your arm? Is your knee ok?" He is so worried about me! It is so cute. But then it follows with something like what happened last night! "Ok good, mom we were all talking and Sami, his cousin, and Aunt Diane, and Punkin said that it would be ok after Sami spends two weeks here with me that I can go to Cleveland, Ohio to spend a week with them! Then come back to grandma's and spend like three days with them then I can come home, so can I please go spend time with them. Aunt Diane says she will take good care of me and you can call her if you want to!!! PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSE mom I really want to do this!" A little background on the family is that my Aunt Diane just lost her husband to cancer, they had been together since she was 14 years old. She is now in her mid 40's. She has 2 daughters and 4 granddaughters who love to go to my parents house to play! I know she would take good care of Nathan and believe it or not they all think that I am over protective of him and will not let him go! Which is true, he can stay at my parents but I freak if it is anywhere else. LOL. My mom says "it would mean a lot to them if you would let him go up there, they already have everything planned out" So yes he is going to Cleveland for a week!!!!!!!
I am going absolutely crazy here. I miss my son but at the same time I am glad he is having so much fun! I keep telling myself if he was here we would be paying 300.00 for one week of camp! yep, ouch that is outrageous I know... And he is having so much more fun there and its free. I will be honest and say that it has been very nice to have all of this alone time with Ray. When Nathan is here we do not spend any time without him so with that in mind I have fallen in love with Ray all over again this summer!

I love flowers!

2006-07-28T05:15:00.001-10:00

Well ladies I told you that Ray was very good at getting "the little things", well yesterday was very hard for me. I was faced with a something that just knocked me over and I panicked. I emailed him to let him know what was going on while he was at work and then I did my crying and praying, which I do not believe God responds very well too! LOL. I see Him saying "you do your little temper tantrum and when you calm down I will talk to you!" I hate/love that! LOL. So anyway five hours later Ray comes home from work, he did his normal routine, take off his helmet, say hello to Bo, the dog, then give me a kiss, I was on the verge of tears again so I do what I do when I get like that I get busy! I went into the bedroom to fold the laundry and he followed me and when I turned around he had a dozen of roses waiting for me!
Here they are!
Aren't they pretty! I do not know if you can see it or not but I like to collect the willow tree figures and that is the mother and son that I got for easter thanks to Ray!
The flowers may not of made the problem go away but it sure put a smile on my face!!!

Buy the way the problem was solved today God is so good! I needed to just breathe and relax and know that God was taking care of me. He just needed me to butt out!

Its been a long day

2006-07-26T16:08:00.001-10:00

I really do not know how I got the rest of this blog to be underlined so sorry for the mess up!

I went to bed last night in the arms of the man that I love and was very happy then this morning I awoke to the worst headache you could ever imagine! LOL. Ladies I have had a sinus migraine all day long, It hurts to touch the right side of my head and not to mention the fact if I try to focus on anything for too long then I start to see like 4 of the image!!! It has been such a long day! I have tried medicine, food, sleep, Ray bless his heart, even rubbed my head for me for an hour today while he was here on his lunch break. He says he loves me and only me. He is so sweet, I am really lucky I have one of those guys who gets the small things he is so good at that kind of stuff. He even sends me love text messages all the time. I then found out that I do not have any hot water. Our landlord has not paid the oil bill so we do not get hot water until sometime tomorrow, hopefully!
Ray is on duty tonight so I have the house to myself. I have tried to relax as much as possible. I took Ray his dinner and spent some time with him in the barricks. I do not know if I will ever get used to the military life. LOL.
I wanted to thank you all for the words of encouragement! I spoke with the office manager of the job position that I applied for and she told me that they were very interested and that she would call me by Friday to let me know. Again I really want this job! And since I am counting I am on day 33 without Nathan...
I wanted to talk a little bit about what God has been teaching me lately. He is stretching me! He has once again taken me out of my little comfort zone and placed me somewhere that I am uncomfortable. Two years ago I hated this place and now I love this place, this is when He shows you so much. You not only learn how much you have changed but you see things in you that you did not know where there. Prime example: the disagreement with Ray, granted this is two sided but this is what I have learned about myself because you truly can not look at what this did for him (Ray) you have to be willing to take every situation in life and see if and how it applies to you. Did that make sense? See there was this person in my past who I cared a great deal about and we had this one argument all the time, over his motorcycle. Stupid I know but work with here. I had promised myself that I would never let anyone make me feel like he did with that situation ever again. I never thought that Ray would do that to me and I let my guard down and was putting all my trust in him (depending on him etc.) That night when we were out on his bike Ray asked me something and when I told him no his remark was the same that my past had said! Ray had no idea at the time of this situation, and I just froze, I couldn't breathe. My past had confronted my present! Not good for me! LOL. I could not breath, I felt myself shutting down, I did not want him to touch me nor did I want to talk to him! It was the worst feeling ever, now in the past I would of just left that and put it on a shelf and just ignore it but now God doesn't let me. I felt like I had no choice I had to deal with this. STRETCHING!!!!!!!!!! It hurt so much, but as I prayed and I spoke the words to a friend I said to her am I blaming Ray for what happened in my past? Or do I have a right to be upset with him? Or is it both? And if so how do I get past this I see my past every time I look at him? Crazy right!!! No we do this all time and most of us do not even realize what is happening! After I spilled my guts to my friend she just laughed at me and said UHMMM did you need me? Because you just had a whole conversation without me and I think you got your answer! Its funny how that works. So I had to talk to God one more time and asked Him for grace to tell this to Ray and not take it out on him. I did have that talk with Ray and God gave me the words to tell Ray my story and the funny thing is when I was finished I felt whole and I knew God healed me while talking to Ray!

God is so cool!!

I'm alive!!!!!!

2006-07-25T06:54:00.001-10:00

I'm alive! It has been crazy here! I have been busy doing absolutely nothing and I can't stand that! I am sure we all know what that feels like! I am a little frustrated right now in so many areas of my life, especially in my relationship and I need to vent so please disregard most of what I am about to say!

First thing: Ray and I have been arguing over something totally stupid so for the last couple of days there has been silence in this house.... I know this will pass and everyone goes through this but this is the stupidest argument ever!!! I know that is sad right! LOL By the way there is peace in the house now!) He's finally stopped argueing with me.

Second thing: I am on day 32 without my son and he doesn't want to come home yet!!! He does want me to bring the dog up to my parents for him but doesn't want to come home! GRRRRR!!!!! I know that I am his mom and we could just go and get him but he is having such a good time with my dad, my dad has just retired and he finally gets to spend his time with Nate and my dad is loving this. So not only do I cheat Nathan out of spending time with all the family but my dad misses out too! I try to remember that when I was a kid we had so much fun there and I listen to his stories and he is doing the same things that I did when I was his age which is good and if he was here he could not do any of that. Not to mention the fact that we live right dab in the middle of a big city and well our yard is ok fine we do not have one!!!!!LOL How can I blame him for not wanting to come back right now. But I do know that he misses me and he tells me that he loves us every night before he goes to bed!

Third thing: I do not have a church here and I can not seem to find one that I like, meaning somewhere that feels like home. Which means that I do not have any friends that I can touch and relate to on a daily basis. If that makes any sense to any of you!

Fourth thing: I still do not have a job! This is so frustrating and sometimes nice! I went on my third interview today with the office that I had told you about last month, the one that I liked but was not qualified for. They still have not filled the position, and today she told me that she would contact me by Friday to let me know one way or the other! Please pray about this I really want this job!

Fifth thing: This is the last one I promise! I have a friend back in Florida who I love dearly but she does not like Ray for several reason of her own, her ex was a marine, so she has a bad taste to start with and the big one Ray believes in God but does not go to church all the time! So when we started dating and I was not there all the time for my friend she started to resent our relationship even more. It came down to her asking me to choose between the two of them. Which I told her I would not do that to her and was amazed that she would even ask bla bla bla bla do we see where this is going? Now that I have moved this is even worse! Do I just stop contact with this person or what? So confused am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok Now that I have spilled my guts and sound like such a baby! Please understand that I know that God has this all under control and trust me we have had a few "arguments" over all of this too and He just loves me and laughs and says "SHE'S SO PRECIOUS"..... lol. Ray and I fell in love fast, within the first few months of us seeing each other, and that is what is going to make us last.

I'm back!

2006-07-20T08:41:00.001-10:00

Hello everyone! We made it back home safely after a very extended emergency leave. I do not know if you all know this yet but Ray's grandpa passed away on July 09,2006.
He was saved and we now know that he is sitting up above enjoying the view very much! I can honestly say that I did not know that man very well at all. We both had a wonderful time considering everything that happened.

By the way I am now going on day 27 without my son and I miss him so much and he still does not want to come home! How can I compete with the woods and playing with the boys! LOL

Disregard previous post!

2006-06-30T10:39:00.000-10:00

Hello all! Ray's grandpa just told the family he does not want to continue his kidney dialysis he is finished. The doctor's have given him only 10 days to live so we are rushing to Florida to be with him! Please keep there family in your prayers as I know you will!

Love you guys! Talk to you as soon as I can

Enjoy your holiday weekend

God Bless

Its the start of the 96!!

2006-06-30T04:23:00.000-10:00

First I just wanted to let you know I got Nathan's pictures to post! So Yeah you can now see his little clothes! By the way the blanket that they are on was the blanket my mom brought me home from the hospital in! So scroll on down and look at how tiny he was!

Update on Nathan and his fighting cousin! LOL. They of course are fine and have forgotten all about the fight! Kids! Oh by the way my nephew loves me and I am still his favorite aunt. (I am his only one by the way!)

Well if you are military you understand the "96". Ray has the next few days off and does not have to be until the 6th so we are making another trip! I am sad to say it is without Nathan But Ray and I need a little time too! We are making a trip to Georgia to see his sister, his dad and others are coming up for the week as well! Pray for me that this will go over easy. Ray and his sister are fighting nonstop lately and to be honest I am not looking forward to this trip! I suggested that we stay in a cabin or camp so that they will have some space between each other, but he wants to use that as leverage (I think I spelled that wrong). Why is it that when you fight with your siblings you instantly start fighting as if you were kids again? Bottom line the whole situation is stressin' me out!!!!! I will keep you posted on this! That drained me just to write that! LOL...

But on a brighter note I will be spending time out on the boat, water skiing and knee boarding and going to Smoke Mountain and so on! There are so many things I am looking forward to doing! So keep positive right! Not to mention the fire works! I love the fireworks

I miss my son

2006-06-29T02:47:00.000-10:00

Ok we are working on day 6 without Nathan and I miss him terribly! I try to be strong and let him stay at my parents as long as he wants. He doesn't get to see our family very often. This is his time to spend time with our some 150 family members, and that is no joke there is really that many of us! We are a huge family!!!!

BUT I MISS HIM AND WANT HIM HOME Or is this me I am not sure but I am not having a good morning with this! LOL

I'm sure that it helps when he called me last night and says,

Nate: "Mommy will you come and get me please, I do not want to be here!

Me: Why is that buddy what's wrong?

Nate: Erik is always telling me what to do and I am tried of it! I can't take it anymore and Grandma believes him and not me! I do not want to be here anymore!

Me: Nathan! Erik is your cousin and you need to try to figure out a way to get along with him! He loves you and you know that

Nate: "I really do not care! and if he is gonna be that mean to me all the time then he doesn't deserve my love!"

After I tried to pick my mouth up off the floor! I had to tell an already crushed little boy to get rid of the attitude he was having and to let me talk to his grandmother.

It ended up being that the boys were fighting over bubble gum with the neighbor boys! My nephew is older than Nathan and he tries to make sure everyone knows this so there is no confusion and that creates alot of trouble and no fun for my parents! I convinced Nathan to go for a ride with my dad on the 4-wheeler so they could spend some time alone and then things would ease over! I feel sorry for my parents because they do not diffuse these situations very well, which leaves me trying to do it from the phone! Yes my parents are push overs, and they have no intentions on changing! And of course that leaves me being the mean mommy and Aunt in the kids eyes! If I could only count the times I have heard from Erik "gosh Aunt Shelle can be so mean, I'm glad she's not my mom!" LOL. But who does he call when he needs help his mean old aunt! LOL.....

I am sure that this helped me last night too. Remember I had told you that I went through some old stuff at my parents house when I was up there! Well I found Nathan's old baby stuff that I wanted to keep! Now that he is 10 years old and seeing all of his stuff I want another baby so bad! But I have some pictures to share with you! They are of 2 outfits that he used to wear, they are only sleepers but they were so cute on him!

Nathan only weighed 3lbs and was 15 inches long when he was born, so nothing fit him! I do mean nothing! This is actually a cabbage patch kid outfit, remember those! It had so much pink in it but it was the only thing I could find that would not swallow him whole!

The next picture is what he wore when he was 5 months old... That is still a 0-3 month outfit that you are looking at!

And of course this is Nathan now! You would never believe that he started out so small would you!!

Ok I give up on these pictures! I am trying to download them and for some reason it will not let me is anyone else having this problem today or is it just me?

I will try to post the pictures later!

Update

2006-06-28T02:55:00.001-10:00

Thank you all for the prayers and comments! I went to the job interview and they hired me on the spot. I couldn't believe it. Then while driving I got a call for another job interview and since I was in the area they asked me to stop in and I did and now I have two jobs. LOL. Then when I got home I had two messages from doctor's offices and I have two interviews for next week as well..... I talked to Ray last night about the decisons I needed to make and my choices are stay with one that I already have or go for the doctor's office position, which is what I want, but the down side is if I take this position then we can not go anywhere for Christmas, and to my surprise he was ok with it. So I am trying for the doctor's office next week!!!! I know it sounds sad but this was a true conversation!!!!! LOL...

Seriously I will tell our story later on but for now I think you get the picture!!!!!

Prayer Request

2006-06-27T03:04:00.002-10:00

I need a vacation from my vacation

2006-06-26T08:34:00.000-10:00

Hello everyone! I know that it has been a while sense I last wrote but I was at my parents house and you may not believe this but they do not have a computer! I know it is hard to believe that there is still a house without one but it is true! LOL. I love my parents...
A little background on me is I moved away from my family 4 years ago to start over just my son and I. It wasn't easy but I had been talking to God about this and I knew this was something I needed to do. I thought that I would learn to stand on my own and it would show me that I was a strong person no matter what anyone else said.. Well I learned that and so much more! I grew mentally, physically, and spiritually as well. I tell you that so that I can tell you this. Every time I come home and I drive through those mountains God shows me just how much I have changed!
You know God has changed you and that you are moving forward and not backwards, then you go home and you truly see how you have changed! Those of you who are laughing right now know exactly what I am saying! Its not easy and its not funny at the time but man the reward is so worth everything that you walked through.
Over the years I have grown to love the time I spend in the mountains which is what I thought I was getting away from. God has such a funny sense of humor sometimes... This is the view on my trip!
I had a very good visit with friends and family. I spent some time with my dad going through my stuff in the building, good for them bad for me, now I need to find some where to put it here! LOL. I went to lunch with my mom and her friend who is like a aunt to me. And as you know I spent some well needed time with my good friend Charla. We took our kids to her families camp and then to Audra Park. This is the first time I have gotten Nathan to swim in a river since he visited Louisanna and was introduced to alligators in rivers! Yep you do the math, he was terrified of swimming in rivers after that. So 7 years later he tries again. LOL. Here are some of those pictures!!

Tackled IT!!!!!

2006-06-20T02:19:00.001-10:00

I did it finally! I got my picture to appear so now you know what I look like! Courtney had asked Charla what I had looked like then I got to explain to Charla that my picture was not up because I could not figure it out! LOL. I know that is sad right! But she talked me through it. So Yeah! Here is the worst possible picture of Ray and I but it is the only one that I have on the computer as of now. I must tell you that Nathan took this picture of us from a chair, I think that is why I look like I have chubby cheeks! So he's not the best looking man that I've been with but that's my Marine.
This was taken after hours of us being outside on the slopes in Snow Shoe Mountain Resort in West Virginia. We had so much fun, we took Nathan up there for the weekend for a birthday present. He had been dying to go snow boarding. Since neither one of us had been skiing/snowboarding in such a long time we decided to let him try it and he LOVED IT. So yep you guessed it next year we will be making another trip up that way to go! LOL. What did I start? I will share more pictures of the trip at a later time.

Ok last week I had attempted to get Ray's CO2 tank filled and get the adapter that he needed for my tackle it Tuesday, well I got to drop it off and then they had to order the piece he needed. This is the completed project, so this weekend we are off to play with the paintball guns..... But first I must tell you that I am on my way to my parents house today! My son likes to go spend the summers out in the country with my parents so I try to make sure that happens every summer! He tells everyone that he is spending the whole summer with them, which ends up being a couple of weeks before he is crying to come home! LOL. God I love that boy! I am excited to see my parents, but the most exciting part is I am from the same town as Charla which means I will get to see my friend and we decided to go see our new friend Courtney who does not live that far away from our home town! So it is official we are starting a blogger reunion!!!!! Can't wait to see you girls!
And with that I will say I gotta go so I can hit the road!

Prayer Request

2006-06-18T12:13:00.001-10:00

HI.