OK so in life there are normally some things that you do not put out there for everyone to know/read and I am sure that this is one of them but I don't care and I can not take it anymore.

I found out three days after Cale was born that my husband, Ray, is having an affair with one of the female marines in his unit. This female is also trying to be my best friend. She is so fake, but i will play. It is not much fun for me. I went to there command about it, to get them in trouble, and I do believe that it has only made things worse because, they are now spending even more time together even after they got yelled at for two days straight. They of course say they are just friends but there actions speak louder than there words. I know better now.
Ray has pretty much told me that he does not want to be a father, he will sign over all rights of his child to me, he is not ready to settle down and that he likes being with her more because she if fun. She can do all the things that I want to do but can't because hello I have his baby to take care of.

I feel like I am slowly getting killed. I feel so stupid. I never seen it coming. I had no idea. The man that I married is not the man I see now. It is so sad to see how he changed and how fast he did it. He went to the club once with the boys and bang he was back in full swing. He is out at least 3 nights a week his normal routine now is he just doesn't come home at all... The only difference is now I tell him not to come home. I do not want him here. So we are now on day # 2 without him in my house. My only fear is that I am making it easier to let them be together. If I can't have him, neither can she. You know what I realized tonight? I am afraid to go to church because if I do then he will go spend time with her, or if I let him keep Cale then he will take him to her house and they will play family. I know this sounds pathetic but I am driving myself freakin crazy here.

My plan is to get off this island. I am in the process of making sure that can happen and that it can happen fast. I really just can not take it anymore. Even if the two of them are just "friends" I do not want to live like this. My boys deserve better. And I don't want a man like that to be a father to my sons. What I thought was love, was just conveinence for my family.

I was talking to Charla yesterday and she said "you haven't updated your blog in a while" my response was yeah I know its because I am afraid of what I will say.

Well Charla this is what I was afraid of saying.