I went to bed last night in the arms of the man that I love and was very happy then this morning I awoke to the worst headache you could ever imagine! LOL. Ladies I have had a sinus migraine all day long, It hurts to touch the right side of my head and not to mention the fact if I try to focus on anything for too long then I start to see like 4 of the image!!! It has been such a long day! I have tried medicine, food, sleep, Ray bless his heart, even rubbed my head for me for an hour today while he was here on his lunch break. He says he loves me and only me. He is so sweet, I am really lucky I have one of those guys who gets the small things he is so good at that kind of stuff. He even sends me love text messages all the time. I then found out that I do not have any hot water. Our landlord has not paid the oil bill so we do not get hot water until sometime tomorrow, hopefully!
Ray is on duty tonight so I have the house to myself. I have tried to relax as much as possible. I took Ray his dinner and spent some time with him in the barricks. I do not know if I will ever get used to the military life. LOL.
I wanted to thank you all for the words of encouragement! I spoke with the office manager of the job position that I applied for and she told me that they were very interested and that she would call me by Friday to let me know. Again I really want this job! And since I am counting I am on day 33 without Nathan...
I wanted to talk a little bit about what God has been teaching me lately. He is stretching me! He has once again taken me out of my little comfort zone and placed me somewhere that I am uncomfortable. Two years ago I hated this place and now I love this place, this is when He shows you so much. You not only learn how much you have changed but you see things in you that you did not know where there. Prime example: the disagreement with Ray, granted this is two sided but this is what I have learned about myself because you truly can not look at what this did for him (Ray) you have to be willing to take every situation in life and see if and how it applies to you. Did that make sense? See there was this person in my past who I cared a great deal about and we had this one argument all the time, over his motorcycle. Stupid I know but work with here. I had promised myself that I would never let anyone make me feel like he did with that situation ever again. I never thought that Ray would do that to me and I let my guard down and was putting all my trust in him (depending on him etc.) That night when we were out on his bike Ray asked me something and when I told him no his remark was the same that my past had said! Ray had no idea at the time of this situation, and I just froze, I couldn't breathe. My past had confronted my present! Not good for me! LOL. I could not breath, I felt myself shutting down, I did not want him to touch me nor did I want to talk to him! It was the worst feeling ever, now in the past I would of just left that and put it on a shelf and just ignore it but now God doesn't let me. I felt like I had no choice I had to deal with this. STRETCHING!!!!!!!!!! It hurt so much, but as I prayed and I spoke the words to a friend I said to her am I blaming Ray for what happened in my past? Or do I have a right to be upset with him? Or is it both? And if so how do I get past this I see my past every time I look at him? Crazy right!!! No we do this all time and most of us do not even realize what is happening! After I spilled my guts to my friend she just laughed at me and said UHMMM did you need me? Because you just had a whole conversation without me and I think you got your answer! Its funny how that works. So I had to talk to God one more time and asked Him for grace to tell this to Ray and not take it out on him. I did have that talk with Ray and God gave me the words to tell Ray my story and the funny thing is when I was finished I felt whole and I knew God healed me while talking to Ray!
God is so cool!!
5 comments:
Yes God is good. It always amazes that when I open up and get really honest with J over things, he listens and honours it, which is always the last thing I expect him to do. The lies in my head tell me...no, protect, put the wall up, he'll just trample you...but he never tramples me, so I've come to the conclusion that those lies are from the enemy and he's trying to tear us apart by making me close J off...so now I tell J everything and it's gone to the total opposite...he feels closer to me and is now opening up to me. So, yeah, don't hold anything from Ray....if he's the man you describe, and it sure seems he is, then he'll appreciate and honour you for it.
I agree with mugwumpmom. Communication is so much better for a relationship, as I'm sure you know. I'm really glad you were able to work through this.
God is good and talking out your feelings is sometimes the best way to hear the answer! sometimes I get so caught up in my head that I can't hear the answer thru all my thoughts but when I actually talk it out....I see things clearer and see God's hand the whole time!!
Wow, join the crowd when it comes to being stretched. God seems to be "firing" the crap out of our lives. That's what we get for asking him to purify us. Purification only comes through the fire...usually the fire of God so we can be who he wants us to be instead of relying on ourselves. I don't know about you, but I have let myself down before, so why should I rely on myself...instead it makes sense to just rely upon God who owns everything and knows every part of my being and how it ticks. You are not alone out there friend, but the end results are gold tried by fire...the best kind!
I'm glad that God helped you to be able to talk to Ray about everything that you had been feeling. It's good to know that we have Him on our side, isn't it? I know it's hard to grow and mature in the Lord, but afterwards it feels so much better than before.
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