My news

ok ladies.... Here goes the explanation for my previous blog. There is no easy way to say this but I am pregnant!!!! Ok the bad part is I am not married to Ray (most of you knew that), but I want to be, so that means he will be getting transferred to Hawaii in March and if I go I have no medical insurance to cover my pregnancy. If I stay then he doesn't get to be a part of it. And so on and so on. The list of troubles just seems to be getting bigger. I was already contemplating on whether or not I should go and now it just got a little harder. Do we plan on getting married, yes one day (plan was after we got to Hawaii). We've talked about it over and over again, how much he wants to marry me. Even though we haven't been together that long, and I guess that's why I love him. Do I want to only get married because of a baby? NO, but he suggested it, and maybe it wouldn't be just for the baby. So I feel stuck! Which has caused problems between me and Ray which makes moving an even harder decision. Everything is just truly a mess right now and honestly I have no one to blame but myself. So there we have it Ladies. Please pick your mouths up off the floor now! lol.

The next question to answer is how far along are you?!? Well according the ultrasound that we (the girls in my office did last week) I am around 10 weeks. But we go on Wednesday to see the doctor which will give me the due date.

Just when you think things could get no worse

Well that pretty much says it all for me since I last wrote. Just when you think things could get no worse they do.... I have had the worst two weeks you could image. I'm not real sure where to start but I am asking you for your prayers. I have alot of decisions to make and I am not sure what will be the best ones to make. Have you ever felt trapped? Well that is me. I feel like no matter what i choose to do I am screwed. Trust me when I say things are not good here on the home front.

I need to go run some errands but I will be back later tonight to try to explain all this.

How did I become such an entertainer?

It amazes me that we have been entertaining so many people at our house lately. It seems like I come home and hear those dreaded words "hey honey, H and H are coming over again tonight for dinner." Or "all the guys are coming over to play cards tonight". I love it... My latest favorite one was "hey the guys are coming over for dinner tonight and we are gonna play some card games, so I will be home in a little bit" (this was Friday) then I get told by my son that on Saturday that the guys are all coming over again because we are gonna play with the remote control cars! It amazes me that all of a sudden we have so many people over here. It is kind of funny to see them all over here playing with Nathan too. I think that it is just mentally exhausting. I want to sit in my house all by myself for 10 minutes please..... LOL

I feel like my head is going to explode

This is a picture of Nate, Ray and I that was taken over the holidays. Just thought I would share it with you! I used to be able to put the pictures where I wanted them but now I can't seem to do that. Oh well.

Well first things first. Thank you guys for all the encouragement on the upcoming move. There is so much to do and I am still freaking out just thinking about it. But I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with migraines and borderline depression. I laughed and explained to her what was going on and said "gees now I have a headache" I said so I do not think the depression is much to worry about. I will be fine with that when I move. She agreed after hearing my story! As for the headaches she gave me so very nice pills that seem to be working and some meds to help me sleep. Apparently migraines and lack of sleep go hand and hand. Since I hate taking pills I have not tried the Ambien but I know that it works great! I just hate to take pills!!

I hope everyone is enjoying there weekend, we have been busy as usual. Yesterday I worked from home for 8 hours and then Ray and Nathan took there remote control cars/trucks to the track to play with (they have a gas powered one and 4 battery operated ones) it gives them something that they can do together. But can I ask you guys something? Is this normal: Ray is not Nathan's bio dad, as you know, but it seems like every time Ray tries to do something with Nathan he bucks him in any way possible. It is like he can do nothing to satisfy him, its never good enough. Yesterday they spent the whole entire day together and things were fine, they both said they had fun, but as soon as I am in the picture Nate gets an attitude. I really think that Nate gets jealous when I am around. This morning we got up and had breakfast and Ray said Nate come on buddy lets go get our bikes and we are gonna go get Hutton (one of his marines) and go out for a while on our bikes. Nate thru a fit he didn't want to go. When Ray went outside I sat Nathan down and said "what is your deal?" I explained to him that he told me that he wanted someone that he could call his own, who would do things with him and not leave him out of the pictures and now that he has it he keeps pushing it away. He stopped and said with big tears in his eyes "no I'm not!" I then explained to him that Ray tries so hard to make sure that he is involved in everything that he does. I asked Nate to tell me how many times does Ray go Hang out with the boys and not bring him and he goes well he always takes me. Then I asked him why he was pushing him so hard. He told me he didn't know. But when Ray came back inside Nathan was a totally different kid. He told Ray he was sorry and the look of confusion on his face was pretty funny. So is normal or what? My parents are still together so I do not know what it feels like to go through what Nate is dealing with since his sperm donor is not in the picture. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Don't get me wrong Nathan is an amazing little boy, and I love him so much but he just acts so much older than he his sometimes he has so much knowledge beyond his years. Its kind of scarey, it easy to forget he is only ten when you talking to him.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I know that we did. We got to spend time with our family and friends, since we are moving soon it was very nice. I of course can only say that now that it is over! LOL. On New Year's Eve we spent the night playing dominos with our neighbors and my parents. Nathan stayed up until after 2:00 in the morning. I was proud of him, but the last round of the mexican train that he played he was struggling to keep his eyes open. It was very cute!
I finally broke down and told my parents, while they were here, that we are moving to Hawaii in March. They took the news good. My mom cried and said no you are not moving, I'm mot letting you and in the same breath asked if she could come too. My dad who is very quiet anyway just simply "that's a long way from home." I will be honest that broke my heart because I knew what he wasn't saying. I am now and will always be daddy's little girl, I hate to see him hurt. So now the mad dash begins. I am still freaking out everytime I think about it. Not to mention we have to squeeze in a snow boarding trip, a trip to West Virginia and a trip to Florida all before March and still try to save money! We promised Nathan a ski trip this year and we can not back out of that . Oh I haven't told you this, we told Nathan that we are moving too. He was not so happy about it at first. His remarks were "mom, that is the third move I have made, I don't want to move anymore." Which any mom in the military nows what that does to your heart. He came around once we showed him pictures of Hawaii. I told him we had to look at this as a extended vacation and that we would make new friends there and then promised him while we were in Florida that he could go visit his old friends there. He is such a good kid. I love him so much! The only people that I have not told yet is the people at work, which will be the hardest. I love those girls and I do not want to leave them. It makes me cry just to think about it.
Enough about all of that. I have to go to the doctor today. I am not looking forward to it, but it is well over due. I have not been to the doctor for a well visit in like 6 years. I am now at the point where I have had a headache for the last 6 months. I can not take it anymore. I hate taking pills and I know that she is gonna make me take something but then again since I feel like I have bought stock in the Advil industry, I should probably just go ahead and get something that will work.
So I will let you all know what the doctor says. Talk to you soon!