So sorry I have disappeared

Wow it has been such a long rode to go down to get where i am at today! Let me explain. But first let me worn you, I am about to be as brutally honest as I can be; but this is my journal right, I do not have to act like things are cookie cutter when there not. Right! Well with that being said hold on.

We (my family) just PCSed to our new duty station and I was not so sure that my family was going to survive this move. See Ray and I just got married as of Feb. and we have a baby on the way along with an 11 year old. This was my first move with the military and it did not go over very well, it started with him (Ray) telling me what all needed to be left behind, like for example "we need to keep towels here so we will have them after they pack all of our stuff and for when we get there" no problems right so I say I will leave out 3 towels and 3 beach towels for us that should be enough right?! he agrees, it comes time to pack all of our bags/boxes for the plane ride and there is not enough room, or the box will weigh over the 50 lbs aloud. This translated means "I packed to much shit" his words. Even though I asked him about this and he agreed it is now my fault. Of course, it's always my fault. Trust me the list goes on and on. We continue to fight over just about everything, I have too much stuff we don't have the room for this and I need to get rid of this and I need to get rid of that. I am telling you before I left we had spent the last two weeks there fighting with each other. And he was always making it out to be me, or how I have to always make it about me. In the long run we were aloud on 9,000 lbs of house hold goods to be shipped to our new duty station. He wanted to take his boat with us which is 4500 lbs, which cuts into our house hold goods weight. See where I am going with this. I am expected to get rid of all the house hold stuff and all of the things from my storage unit, so he can bring a freaking boat with us!!! I was fine with getting rid of alot of it because we had two of things or it just wasn't needed. But trust me it was not pretty, trust me.
So we finally get on the plane at 0630 and after fighting and yelling, and me crying the last thing I want to do is sit on a plane for 11 plus hours beside him. As you can imagine I am screaming at myself saying "why are you doing this to yourself. It's him not you. Stay here! Its only going to get worse!" Do I listen to myself? No ! I just text message Charla telling her I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life. (Because that will help right) But we get there finally and I put on a smile and try to act like I love my husband and am so happy to be here and by his side in front of all the people on base when all I truly want to do is stab him with a knife.
We finally get to the lodge where we will be staying until we can find a place to live. he goes to work and we (my son and I) are stuck in a hotel room with a list of things that I am too while he is gone. Like get insurance on the new jeep that he had bought and try to find a place off base to live and find a job for me. Easy right no not so easy... Because of my husband's driving record no one would insure him. So we ended up paying a huge amount for the insurance and no luck on finding a place off base, no one on this island will take dogs, especially big dogs. So we wait around for the first couple of days and no luck with the house hunting. But since I am pregnant, the on base housing gave us a three bedroom house here on base, most people are on a waiting list for over a year before they get in, they give us one in 3 days! Ray will not take it because they will not let his dog on base! He refuses! Now this man who I must call my husband is putting a freaking dog before his family and unborn child. I was livid. I really thought I was going to loose it. So needless to say we lost the funding for temporary housing, which is free, because he would not take it because of a stupid dog, who by the way is in Florida until sometime this summer! He said he didn't want to add to my stress by having to move when I am close to my due date. Seriously a dog or your family which do you pick!!!! GRRRRRR I am so frustrated with him. Not to mention I kind of hate that dog!
So we then move out of the lodge and into a cabana, that has two queen size beds and a sink a little refrigerator and a dresser, no bathroom, no TV no phone no nothing. We have to walk to the community bathroom!!!! I am so much happier here can't you tell. This is when things get really bad, what your shocked you didn't think it could get worse oh it does...... Ray decides to go by the boys some snorkeling equipment and he teaches Nathan how to use it and they go play around, which is fine. They had fun. Then he buys me some and we go to a place on the island that is known for snorkeling and when we get there everything is fine. We go out in the water now mind you I do not like to breath out of my mouth I freak out when I can't breath out my nose, I have never worn flippers nor have i worn goggles, I never like the not being able to breath out my nose thing. Can you see where this is going. Yep! Nathan freaks out because he now has a current to deal with that he did not have at the pool and he can't touch. I ask Ray to give me a few minutes to get used to this before I go out there and do the freak out! No such luck. He gets mad and long story short gets out of the water and acts like a baby. As usual. I tell Nathan to play in the water where he can touch and I will be right back. I go and try to talk to him and he starts yelling at me when other people can here this. I am not at all happy with him at this point and he refuses to get in the water again. REFUSES!!!! He acts like such a baby so much, and it's always Ray's way or no way. Again, it's all about Ray. So we leave there with another huge fight at hand. I am now to afraid to do anything and live by fear. and so on and so on and my son and baby will be the same way.... bla bla bla..It went on and on. I told him if he spent have of time trying to saying positive things about me then maybe his situation would change but since all he can find is negative I was not so sure of why we were even here. (I assure he was not like this at all before i got pregnant, or I never would of allowed that to happen) He then informed me that, if I left that he would sign over all of his rights to the baby and would have nothing to do with it, that he was not having a kid that he would not be able to see. All I could say was WOW!
I disappeared for like 2 hours and just cried, the whole time. I called a friend of mine and told her what was going on and she did the freak out and now has her spare bedroom turned into my room. lol... So from there on we spoke as little as we possibly could to each other and it usually wasn't very nice when we did, I slept with my son and did as much as I could to be away from Ray. I seriously was planning on moving back to the mainlands. I just had to wait for my car and our stuff to get here so I could then ship it back to where ever I was going.
Ray then found a house, after 8 days of being at the cabanas. We moved in on the Saturday before Easter. After we got moved in and had a little time to relax he seemed to be calming down and trying to be nicer it too me again. Like he just flipped a switch and expected me to do the same. It's always me that has to say sorry and me that has to pretend like nothing is wrong. I tend to hold on to things like that and not just act like it did not happen. So as we get ready for bed and he tries to hug me I look at him and said please do not touch me, we both know if it wasn't for this baby I would not be here and I am not sure why that is making me stay. Good night! Was I wrong yeah, but it is how I felt at the time.
I then got up Easter morning to go by Nathan his Easter present, yes with everything else I forgot it was Easter. So I go get ready and I come out of the bathroom and all I can say to Ray is I am bleeding, he said I know, the bed was soaked. He asked if I was ok and I said I do not know.. After 6 hours at the ER I found out that I was ok but that due to all the stress from moving and so on, I started to bleed that sometimes that happens and that I was not eating enough and I was very dehydrated. But during the ultrasound I found out that I am having a boy!
That whole experience was my wake up call. I have to put everything else aside and think about this baby. I told Ray what the doctor had said, he got hear some of it but not all because he stayed with Nathan who was a little to freaked out to be in there with me all the time (the poor kid). I then explained everything to him and he definitely needed some time for all that to sink in then I realized he did not understand the severity of it all. So after a nice long talk without yelling or crying I think he got it.
I then went to my new doctors appointment yesterday and he went with me. We go and she does another ultrasound and finds out why I am spotting now. I have a partial placenta previa. My placenta is covering half of my cervix. Not good. So I am now on complete pelvic rest until after the baby is born and no stress, no heavy lifting, no major house cleaning, no mopping and so on. I go home and we look it up on the Internet and he gets to read all of the facts, with the side effects and he now completely understands how serious this can be. He is now concerned and keeps asking me questions about what all happened with Nathan because things were so complicated with him as well. Looking back I am assuming that I had this same problem with Nathan and that is why I hemorrhaged after I had him, I remember them saying that my placenta had stuck to my wall but I was so Young and there was so much wrong with me then.
I wake up this morning, get Nathan sent off to school and lay back down for a minute and then my phone rings and wakes up both Ray and I, its my doctor's office. The doctor looked over my records of my previous pregnancy and she wants me to start taking a baby aspirin everyday until after the baby is born, and that my placenta issue is an even bigger deal than first thought and that the pelvic rest is a must and that my appointment is being bumped up even sooner because my labs came back abnormal and it is a good possibility that the pre eclampsia and HELP syndrome are returning. Apparently my liver and kidneys are already showing signs of trouble. So with tears in my eyes I hang up and look at Ray and realize he heard everything that she said and that was his wake up call.
So in a nut shell I am coming out of one type of hell and feel as if I am going into another. Its a little scary for me, although i thought the timing was good enough to have another one. Even tho this wasn't fully planned.
For now things seem to be getting better between Ray and I. Do I think that this is just due to the stress of moving? Some of the behaviors yes but that does not make it ok by any means. I know this is happening for a reason and some times you have to take the long road around before arriving. I am praying that this is the case with us as well.
I will keep you updated and thank you for listening to me complain. I feel so much better now.